


Good Cop, Bad Cop

by markjae (defsweetheart)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Adopted Children, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Family, Fluff, M/M, Oppa Kink, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Relationship Issues, Smut, Voyeurism, regular updates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:39:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 52,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17518040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defsweetheart/pseuds/markjae
Summary: Mark was the fun dad, the good cop. Youngjae was the boring and naggy dad, the bad cop. But the one who takes care of them 365 days a year.It was Mark’s choice, not his.Youngjae should be the good cop, not the bad cop.Not. Fair.//The Tuan-Choi family AU no one but me asked, and I delivered.





	1. Daddy’s Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> it is i, markjae's #1 whiner. 
> 
> i literally wrote this in class adjhjkjkflk and i just came up with the idea today.
> 
> we need more markjae, guys.

“Appa. Wake up,” A whisper was heard as Youngjae was shaken awake, “Appa. Appa. Appa.”

 

“Wh-at?” The father of two groggily asked, half awake.

 

“Wake up! We have to go the airport.”

 

_Huh, why?_

 

“Yeah!” Another voice popped up excitedly, “Daddy’s coming home.”

 

_Right. That._

 

-

 

“Appa! Appa!” Lucas screamed, yes, screamed.

 

“Lucas, keep your voice down. We’re at a public place, not at home,” Youngjae sterned.

 

“Sorry, Appa,” the little boy pouted, “Daddy’s plane landed!”

 

“I can’t wait to see Daddy, it’s been soooooo looooong,” Lucy dragged the last two words for emphasis.

 

It was indeed long. One year to be exact. Youngjae feels sorry, but their lives are here. They go to school in Seoul, their friends are in Seoul, and well, they were adopted in Seoul. _Their lives are here_ , he reminded himself. He shouldn’t feel bad. It was his choice.

 

“Apppaaaaa~ When’s Daddy coming?” Lucy whined.

 

Between his two children, Lucy was definitely Mark’s ‘Daddy’s Girl’, and Lucas was ‘Appa’s Boy’. But he can’t lie and say the two children liked to hang out with the other more since he only visited a couple times a year. Also, Mark doesn’t nag and scold them for messing up their playroom, staying past their bedtime, fighting like siblings do over petty things like who stole whose toy etcetera.

 

**_Mark was the fun dad, the good cop. Youngjae was the boring and naggy dad, the bad cop. But the one who takes care of them 365 days a year. It was Mark’s choice, Youngjae should be the good cop, he’s not a bad cop._ **

 

**_Not. Fair._ **

  


“DADDY!” The two kids cheered once they saw Mark coming out with a trolley of luggages. Wow, that’s a lot of luggages. ‘Why would he bring that many?’ Youngjae thought, ‘He has clothes here.’

 

The twins crashed onto their dad as he neared, forcing the trolley to be abandoned in favour of carrying his 6-year-olds in his arms at the same time.

 

“How are my babies?!” Mark asked.

 

“I miss you, Daddy!” Lucy answered, pushing her face into Mark’s neck.

 

“I miss you more!” Lucas piped up, which signaled a verbal fight over who missed Mark more. Youngjae sighed, he misses when his kids were like this to him… _yesterday night_.

 

As the children tried to ask Mark a million questions, Youngjae led the entire troupe (yes, including pushing Mark’s trolley), to the car and they only settled down when the _bad cop_ had to force his kids into the car and put their seatbelts on. The little devils begged Youngjae to have Mark sit with them, and when they got the reply of ‘Ask Daddy’, it’s a victory on their side.

  


 

“Daddy! Look at this.” Lucy shoved her newest drawings into Mark’s face once they stepped into the house.

 

“Lucy, let Daddy settle down and unpack first,” Youngjae _bad cop-ped_.

 

“It’s alright, Youngjae,” Mark smiled at him before turning to Lucy, “These are really good, Lucy! Can Daddy take pictures later to save it on my phone?”

 

“You can have them, Daddy! I drew some for Appa too, so some for you, some for Appa.”

 

“Thanks, baby. I-”

 

“DADDY! Look at my new cars!” Lucas screamed, running out of his room, carrying the new Mercedes-Benz and Audi collectibles Uncle Jaebeom bought for them.

 

“These are so cool,” Mark entertained. Youngjae sighed, and retreated to his room. The kids are Mark’s now. He can finally take a breather or two.

  


_Or not._

 

Someone knocked on his door an hour later. Thinking it was one of the children, Youngjae asked them to come in. But it wasn't. It was Mark.

 

And he does not allow Mark to step into the room. The American knew that.

 

“Hi,” Mark awkwardly said outside the door.

 

“Hello,” Youngjae walked to the door and shut it behind him as he stepped out.

 

“How are you?” Mark asked.

 

“Fine, you?”

 

“Great too. I’m excited to be back, to see the kids.” _To see you_ , was better left unsaid.

 

“Great. How long will you be here?”

 

“I’m… not sure. I… uh, that’s what I want to talk to you about. Can we talk… after the kids go to sleep tonight?”

 

“Yeah sure, is anything wrong?”

 

“No, no. I… just wanted to catch up, if that’s alright.”

 

“Yes, okay. Tonight.”

  


 

The only thing that made Youngjae extremely nervous tonight was that the past 4 years… they hadn’t exchange anything more than about his visits to Seoul to see the children… and just the children. Anything more than that was non-existent. So, the fact that Mark wanted to catch up so suddenly, breaking the consistency of them not talking about anything other than Lucas and Lucy, scared him. He prayed that they only talk about the kids.

 

Well, they don’t.

 

“I, uh… I’ve been looking around Seoul, and uh… looking for an apartment here.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I want to move back here. Not here, _here_ , but Seoul, here.”

 

“Why?” Youngjae asked, realising he might come out wrong, “I mean, I’m not against it. Just, why?”

 

“I want to see the kids more. As they grow up, I want to be with them more. I, uh…” Mark hesitated.

 

“What is it, Mark?”

 

“I applied for a transfer here, and I got it.”

 

“Oh.” _Fuck_ . “Congratulations.” _Youngjae's screwed._

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I didn’t think I would get it. I only found out the night before I flew out, so I packed everything I could and I didn't remember to inform you.” He rushed out.

 

“No, you don’t owe me anything. Tell me what you want to tell me.”

 

“Yeah, so I’ll be looking for an apartment here, the company would pay for it but uh, I want an apartment near the kids, if that’s alright.”

 

“Yeah... it’s fine, it’s only fair for the children.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Silence bestowed upon them, making two very awkward people very uncomfortable, before Mark asked, “How’s life?”

 

“Fine. Yours?”

 

“Mine too. I got a promotion last year, and when I start here, I’ll be the Assistant Regional Director of Sales.”

 

“Wow, congratulations. It sounds big.”

 

“It is. Thank you.”

 

“Uh, it’s been a long day, so I’ll just… go back to my room.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Good night.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

-

 

The agreement they usually had was Mark getting to spend time with them as long as he wanted, especially during the weekdays after school, when Youngjae’s at work.

 

During weekends, well, they _will try_ to spend time together, and the parents _will try_ to be civil. It’s not like they ended their relationship on a bad note, it just wasn’t _good_. Neutral, maybe. Awkward, but still civil.

 

Usually, the kids will stay at the after school daycare until Youngjae picks them up at 6. But with Mark in town, he picks them up at 1pm instead. He wasn’t due to start work for another month or so, he had plenty of time to hang out with his children.

 

Sometimes they go out for lunch, sometimes Mark cooked. And today was one of those times.

 

“Kids, I have something to tell you.”

 

“Oooh, what is it, Daddy?” Lucy asked.

 

“Daddy decided to move back here. To Seoul.”

 

As he expected, the children were _very_ excited.

 

“It means you’ll stay with us now! We’re going to have two daddies _forever!_ ” Lucas screamed.

 

“Oh, no baby. I’ll get my own house. I can’t stay in Appa’s guestroom forever.”

 

“Yes you can,” the twins said simultaneously.

 

“Why can’t you just stay here? I’ll ask Appa for you! He will _for sure_ say yes to me,” Lucas pointed out.

 

“No! Appa will only say yes if _I_ asked!” Lucy challenged.

 

“No! Appa likes me more!”

 

“NO APPA LIKES ME _MOST.”_

 

“Kids, no fighting on the dining table,” Mark asserted.

 

“Sorry, Daddy,” the twins apologized.

 

“Daddy needs his own space, so I'll get my own house, but I already told Appa that I was looking for a place around here so I can be near you both.”

 

“Might as well just stay here, Daddy,” Lucas said.

 

“Listen, we're not going to bring this up with Appa, okay? We've both talked this out, and we both agreed. Understand?”

 

“Yes, Daddy.”

 

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, Mark realized the twins were not as lively as they usually were. But what could be expect? Both their dads are finally staying in the same city but different houses.

 

They were taught that families stay together in _one house,_ but Youngjae has always reminded them that they were different. And _different is okay_ , he said, they were still one family at the end of the day.

-

 

As the twins grew up, they were _so, so_ confused. Why does Daddy stay in America? Why do Appa and Daddy not live together? Not kiss, hug or sleep together like their friends’ parents they see at parties?

 

Why do they only see _Daddy_ through computer screens? Heck, they didn't even know who Mark was, rarely seeing him in real life, only calling him ‘Daddy’ because he and Youngjae told them to, until they were old enough to understand that Mark was their _other Appa_ , staying _elsewhere_ and can only come visit every once in awhile.

 

Once, Lucy asked Youngjae why Mark stayed _very, very_ far away.

 

“He has another life there, baby.”

 

“Then, left us here?” Lucas asked in broken sentences.

 

 _That hit a nail,_ but Youngjae chose to ignore it. The twins were only 4 then, after all.

 

“We have our own lives here too.”

 

“Daddy can't move here?”

 

“No. He can't.”

 

“We can't move there?”

 

“It's too far for us, baby.”

 

“We can stay in the middle!” Lucas ‘suggested’.

 

Youngjae chuckled, _“It's not that easy, baby.”_

  


 

“I cooked us some roasted chicken and potatoes,” Mark informed Youngjae when he came home.

 

“Oh, okay, thanks.” _No one mentioned it was Youngjae's favourite dish Mark makes._

 

“Appa, you're back!” Lucas comes running in and hugged his legs. Lucy soon followed suit, crashing onto Lucas which ensued a cry or two from the other.

 

“Come, let's eat.” Youngjae ruffled both their hairs and led them both to where Mark was setting the table.

 

“Isn't it nice to eat as an entire family?” Lucas asked, to which his sister responded, “Yeah, it sure is nice! Say, Lucas, maybe Daddy should stay here _forever?”_

 

_These cheeky kids._

 

“Lucas, Lucy Tuan-Choi, what did I say just now?” Mark warned, using the stern voice that rarely comes out. The twins looked down in shame, they knew they were threading waters, and it was worth the shot.

 

Of course, Youngjae was confused, so Mark added, “I told them I’m moving back.”

 

 _Oh. That makes sense._ He nodded in response.

 

“Listen here. Appa and Daddy have different lives, we can't stay together for our own reasons you won't understand now. Maybe we will tell you in the future, but for now, we both need you to understand that we can't live together. We still love you both very much, and that's all that matters for now, okay?” Mark explained nicely, to which the kids relented and nodded.

 

Great.

 

**Good cop. Bad cop.**


	2. House Hunting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because I did a poll and 9 people said Yes, here's an update.

This weekend, Mark asked whether he could bring the family out to eat Korean food. The kids said yes, and of course, Youngjae went too. He didn't mind eating with Mark if the kids were there.

 

“Ah! Mark-ssi, Youngjae-ssi you're back! Long time, no see,” the owner greeted them.

 

Of all restaurants, Mark drove to the _one_ restaurant Youngjae actively avoided since they broke up.

 

“Hello, Imu, _”_ Mark smiled.

 

“Ah~ children?” The lady asked in basic English.

 

Youngjae beamed, “Yes, kids, introduce yourselves.”

 

“I'm Lucas!” “I'm Lucy…” “We're twins!”

 

“Aigoo~ They are so cute,” the owner replied back in Korean, “You haven't been coming for a few years now.”

 

“I moved back to the United States. Youngjae here stayed with the kids,” Mark supplied.

 

“Ah, I see. Well, it's nice to have you back. We missed our favourite lovestruck customers.”

 

**_This is why Youngjae avoided this restaurant now._ **

 

_Mark and Youngjae used to come here all the time, back in college, they had really cheap and delicious Korean food. Dakgalbi, bulgogi, Jjajangmyeon, everything you can think of under the sun. The owners used to treat them like their own sons, very open to their rather, rare, relationship in conservative South Korea, and they would've came everyday if they could._

 

_When they adopted Lucas and Lucy, they came much less. And when they do, on their good days, they only went with each other as a special date. When they separated, well, let's just say Youngjae made sure that's one place he'd avoid forever._

 

Mark ordered food fit for an army, and Youngjae should be worried, but he knew that even though Lucy and Youngjae don’t eat much, Mark and Lucas could both finish this all. He ignored the way this warmed his heart.

 

When Youngjae says he don’t eat much, he _really_ doesn’t. Ever since he started taking of the kids solo, he had been too busy feeding them that he usually barely eats for himself. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford to buy sufficient food, but feeding two toddlers, and making as little mess as possible, meant that feeding yourself was almost impossible. Even after the kids went to sleep, he had other things to do, hence, never actually eating then too. Eventually, his body was used to the little food he eats, and he doesn’t eat as much as he used to. Mark noticed this.

 

“Youngjae. Eat more,” Mark told the younger.

 

“I’m full already, thank you.”

 

“Appa! You ate too little! Here, Appa, you can have some of my chicken!” Lucas offered, to which, yes again, Lucy offered her bulgogi.

 

“It’s alright, loves, Appa’s full. Thank you though,” Youngjae smiled, before looking elsewhere _(not Mark)_. He wouldn’t use his phone, that was a strict rule he grew up with and intended to keep it that way.

 

“Appa. Why do you eat so little? I realise it but never got to ask,” Lucas asked with his mouth full of food, which he got immediately reprimanded about.

 

“Because when you two, _rascals_ ,” He pinches Lucas’ cheeks, “were babies, Appa had to feed you both and also make sure you don’t throw food everywhere at the same time. You know Appa hates messes, so when I fed you, I cleaned too. I didn’t have time to eat for myself.”

 

Lucy asked now, “How about Daddy?”

 

“Uh…” Youngjae was definitely not expecting that.

 

“Daddy already moved out. Before that, I used to feed you while Appa cleaned. But after Daddy left, it was just Appa,” Mark explained, mumbling the last part softly.

 

_Him leaving was something Youngjae and Mark never wanted to bring up, it was hard to explain to the twins at such a young age but they knew they were going to ask about it someday, hopefully when they’re older._

 

“Why did you leave, Daddy?”

 

_Or now._

 

 

“Daddy…” Mark looked at Youngjae (who was looking down), unsure, “We both wanted different things, so Daddy moved out so Daddy can do his thing, and Appa his. You’re both our number one priority though.”

 

“Then why couldn’t you stay here?” Lucy asked.

 

“Daddy’s family is in America, Daddy’s not from Korea.”

 

“ _We know that,_ but whatever you wanted to do here, you could. Why go all the way back?” It was Lucas’ turn to ask. The twins are always very smart for their age, Youngjae had always pointed out.

 

“I wanted to go home. To my family,” Mark simply said.

 

“ ** _But… we are your family too_** ,” Lucy sadly stated.

 

“Kids, _enough_ ,” Youngjae warned. At the same time, Lucas added, “Then, why couldn’t we follow you, Daddy?”

 

“It doesn’t matter now, Daddy’s moving back. End of conversation,” Youngjae asserted. The dinner continued in silence.

  
-

“Youngjae,” Mark called, while the other was doing laundry after the kids went to sleep.

 

“Mhhmm?” Youngjae doesn’t look at him.

 

“Please look at me,” Mark begged, almost.

 

“What do you want, Mark?”

 

“I want to apologise for the conversation during dinner just now.”

 

“Not your fault. It was coming sooner or later.”

 

“I… uh…”

 

Youngjae sighed, he never really enjoyed Mark’s speechless moments for the past 4 years, knowing the older treated him like glass, “Goodnight Mark.”

 

Before he walked out, Mark grabbed his hand, “Wait.”

 

Youngjae releases his hand out of his grip.

 

“Can… you follow me house-hunting? Whenever you’re free and we can get a babysitter for the kids, or just let them stay at the daycare-”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because... You know me best,” Mark admitted.

 

“What? Can’t you call up your friends here or something?”

 

“If you don’t want to go, just say so,” Mark gave up.

 

“I just want to know, why me?”

 

“Like I said, you know me best. And the kids. You picked this house because it was perfect for the 4 of us, and it was.”

 

Youngjae sighed again, _he did love house-hunting_ , “Fine. I can get off work early on Thursday.”

 

Mark looked back in surprise, he was definitely expecting a no, “Okay, I’ll set it up for Thursday.”

 

* * *

 

_“Hyung, this house is perfect. Well, not perfect, but like… it’s perfect for now. There’s enough space for kids to run around, and maybe a dog...” Youngjae beamed, looking around the house like a kid in a toy store._

 

_“Then we will get it.” Mark nodded to the realtor._

 

_“I’m so excited, hyung. This is all I’ve dreamt about - my own house, my own family, an amazing fiance - everything’s falling into place.”_

 

_Mark smiled, rubbing the ring on Youngjae’s finger. He was so, so excited to finally marry him, it’s all he had wanted since they met in freshman year of college._

 

_They were just two new kids amongst thousands of others at SNU, and they had quite literally bumped into each other at the dog drive they were having as part of the orientation fair._

 

_“Ouch.” Youngjae groaned, he wasn’t having the best day and it doesn’t seem like it’s getting better. He rubbed his shoulder and turned to the other person, apologising and going his own way. It’s best if he stayed in his dorm. At least, nothing extremely bad could happen._

 

 _"_ _H-hi." Someone grabbed Youngjae's arm and he looked behind._

 

_"Hi...?"_

 

_"Uh, you hit me. I-I mean... we hit each other... I, uh, sorry..."_

 

_“It’s alright. It’s my fault too.” Youngjae smiled and oh how that smile killed every brain cell of the stranger in front of him._

_“Do you want to go on a date sometime?”_

_And **that** killed every of Youngjae’s brain cells._

 

* * *

 

Thursday came by too soon for Youngjae’s liking, and as mentioned, the kids stayed at the daycare while Mark brought Youngjae around the area to look for a house.

 

“Looking for a house for you both?” The realtor asked.

 

“No, just him and our kids,” Youngjae replied before Mark could, the realtor just nodding his head and led the way.

 

The first one was a definite no. Dirty green is NOT a good house colour. Next.

 

The second one… Youngjae’s amateur and surface Feng Shui senses doesn’t like it. Also, it was too far from the kids’ school.

 

The third one… He feels something else, definitely an uninvited guest.

 

The fourth one. Was **perfect** . _Fuck_ . It was even Youngjae’s dream house. _Do you think Mark would swap the current house for this for him?_

 

“Jae?” Mark called, Youngjae snapping out of his thoughts.

 

“I love it.” He whispered back in awe.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, I just… love it. The design of the kitchen is very clean, the living room is spacious for the kids to play IN, the kids would love it. There’s plenty of rooms for all three of you and 2 spare rooms if your family or friends come over. The kids would love it too, it’s perfect.”

 

Mark smiled fondly, not like Youngjae saw anyway, turned to the realtor and said, “We’ll take it.”

 

As Mark signed the papers, Youngjae commented, “The kids would really love this house. They might want to move here, it’s such an upgrade to the apartment we lived the past 4 years. Oh God, then I’ll be alone-”

 

“You like it too?”

 

“I love it. I really do, it’s like my _dream_ house.”

 

“You’re welcome to move in anytime.”

 

Youngjae tensed and looked at Mark, “That’s crazy… This is your own space… And… _we’re not together_.”

 

“There are spare rooms, like you said.”

 

“No, it’s fine. I… It’s better we not.”

 

“That’s fine, you’re always welcome over anyway.”

 

“Thanks.”

  
-

“I wanna see! I wanna see!” The kids shouted as soon as they were told that Mark found a house already.

 

“You will soon, we will pack some of your stuff and move them there so you can sleep there. We will look for furniture too, beds, tables… how about that?” Mark spoiled them.

 

Cheers of ‘ _Hurray_!’ and ‘ _Yay_!’ rang in the house, they were so excited.

 

“Appa will move there too, right? Like how Daddy stays here when he comes over,” Lucy said.

 

“Uh no… Appa will stay here.”

 

“Wait… then we won’t live with Appa now? We won’t see him anymore?” Lucas mumbled, close to tears.

 

“No, no. You’ll still see Appa, baby… We decided to split you both between us. Monday to Thursday at Appa’s house since it’s really close to school, and Friday after school to Sunday at my house.”

 

Lucy and Lucas looked at each other, tears starting to brim in their eyes.

 

“Hey, hey. What's wrong?” Mark kneeled down in front of them.

 

“We…” Lucy sniffed, “We just want all of us to stay in one house. Like a happy family.”

 

“We are happy, baby. We're a happy family staying in two houses.”

 

“That's not fair!” Lucas whined, “Johnny and Jaehyun's parents stay in _one_ house. Their parents always pick them up together, why can't you and Appa try?!”

 

“Baby, you don't understand-”

 

“We _do_ understand! We're not babies anymore! You can tell us!” Lucy shouted.

 

“Hey. Don't speak to Daddy like that,” Youngjae appeared and scolded.

 

“But Appa!” Lucy begged, tears falling down her face.

 

“Rooms. Now.” Youngjae sterned, glaring at the twins until they walked to their respective rooms.

 

“ **I hate you!** ” Lucas screamed at Youngjae, running to his room and slamming the door shut.

 

“Are we bad parents?” Mark asked Youngjae.

 

“ _I am_ , you're not," Youngjae huffed.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I'm the one always reprimanding them, and you're always the good one. I didn't raise them to say they _hate_ me. They don't know how _hard_ it was for me to raise them _alone_ while juggling a job I just started at… But you, oh, the _Perfect Daddy_ , comes over once in awhile with tons of new toys for them and doesn't scold them for spilling their food on the floor purposely or nagging at them to clean their playroom.” Youngjae was emotional now, no parent ever wanted to hear his child said they hated him.

 

“Youngjae-”

 

“It's just unfair, you know. I'm the parent that didn't _leave_ , yet I'm the bad one.”

 

“Youn-”

 

_“Why couldn't you have just left us like I said you should?!?!”_

 

“Youngjae-”

 

“I'm tired, Mark, tired. Sure, they are good kids, but when you're around, I'm tired of being the _bad_ parent.”

 

“Youngjae, I'm sorry.”

 

“Whatever, Mark. Just stay out of my way, unless it's about the children, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

-

The next morning, Youngjae wakes up with a _splitting_ headache. This was not good, he was due to meet with one of his groups today for recordings and he definitely would not focus when his head’s in pain. He goes to open one of the kitchen cabinets to pop in a pill or two of Panadol, when a voice softly came up, “Appa, are you sick?”

 

Youngjae looked over and saw Lucas timidly standing right outside the kitchen, “No, sweetheart. Appa’s just got a headache. I’ll make your breakfast, what cereal do you wan- Oh!”

 

Lucas gripped around Youngjae’s legs tightly, and mumbled something into his thighs which Youngjae couldn’t understand. He pulled Lucas away and kneeled down, asking him what was wrong.

 

“Appa. I’m sorry. I don’t hate you, I love you. I really love you, Appa, I’m sorry!” Lucas sobbed, to which Youngjae hugged his son’s shaking body and repeating to him ‘It’s okay, baby.’

 

“I know you were just upset about Daddy and I, and I know you don’t hate me. I love you so much sweetheart.”

 

“I love you too, Appa. I’m reeeaaally sorry.” He leaned in for a hug again and refused to let go, forcing Youngjae to carry him in his arms while he prepared breakfast for the twins. He loved this, loved being physically close with his children. It was so rare nowadays as they grew out of hugs and kisses, but Youngjae cherished every second when the twins do want to hold him close.

 

Lucy came in and saw the hugging fest, and demanded she joined in. Youngjae sat down on the floor with his legs spread, Lucas still not letting Youngjae go and Lucy joining them on her father’s right side. _This_ , this is what made the years of raising them alone came to.

 

They were hugging for so long that Youngjae hadn't realise Mark was standing at the entrance of the kitchen for quite a while. He reluctantly pulled the kids away and brought their breakfast to them, while preparing a cup of coffee for himself as well.

 

“Daddy, look! Lucas has a mustache!” Lucy giggled, pointing at her brother who, for once, entertained her shenanigans as well. Both dads chuckled, before Youngjae excused himself to get ready for work.

 

“Do you guys want to go furniture shopping this Saturday?” Mark asked, taking out a packet of Milo and mixing it with hot water.

 

“Yes!!!!! Can Appa come too?” Lucy asked.

 

“You can ask him, and if he wants, of course.”

 

“Yay! I shall go ask Appa now!!!”

 

“I wanna follow!” Lucas joined, both standing up to run to Youngjae's room before Mark stopped them and forced them to finish their breakfast and get ready for school.

 

“You can ask him later, you don't want everyone to be late, right?” The kids nodded.

 

Turns out, Youngjae can't say _No_ to his kids, even if he wanted to. That's why he was currently standing at IKEA waiting for the children to calm down from the excitement of being there. He mentally prepared himself for the tears, whining and a drastic decrease in his bank account.

 

“Kids, try the reclining chairs and tell me which ones the most comfortable,” Mark pointed to the chair section and the children quickly ran to that.

 

“Don't run!” Youngjae scolded, sighing to himself. “Stop jumping on the chairs, if it breaks you will pay for them, okay?” _Bad copping again._

 

“Daddy! This one's comfy!” Lucy exclaimed.

 

“This one too!” Lucas added.

 

“Pick whichever one you like. I'll get them for you,” Mark informed them.

 

Youngjae rolled his eyes, _of course_ , spoiling them as per usual. He walked away.

 

“Appa, where ‘r you going?” Lucas asked.

 

“I'll be around here. I need to look for a new shoe rack.”

 

That may seem innocent to the kids, but Mark _knew_ it was because he didn't want to be anywhere remotely near him. He looked down.

 

About two hours later, they had all met at the cashier. They've already picked new beds, shelves and other furniture for the new house. Youngjae disallowed new toys since they had too many, they can just move them to Mark's house.

 

“Listen to Appa, guys,” Mark commented.

 

**Bad cop, good cop.**


	3. Moving Out

“Daddy! Can I bring this?” Lucy asked Mark, picking up her large dollhouse from her playroom.

 

“Yeah, sure. Appa bought it for you?” Mark asked.

 

“Yeah! He made me do things to earn points and when I got 100 points, I got this!”

 

“Wow, like what?”

 

“Clean my room, do my work, set the table…” Lucy continued, picking more toys as she goes and throw it in the box.

 

“Ah, I see.”

 

“It’s fun, I learn some stuffs while I get a toy!”

 

“That sounds fun!”

 

Lucy looked at Mark hesitantly, and asked, “Do you miss us when you’re away, Daddy?”

 

“Of course, love. I miss you everyday.”

 

“We missed you too, Daddy, but sometimes Lucas and I think you forget about us sometimes…” Lucy admitted sadly.

 

“I’ll never…”

 

“But you left us.”

 

“Lucy… I didn’t mean to. It’s complicated, I promise when you’re older, we’ll explain, okay? Just wait a little while longer.”

 

“Okay,” She turned to her dad and collapsed onto him, “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

  


 

“Appa! Look at my new room!” Lucas dragged Youngjae to his newly painted and furnished room. It was impressive really, Mark's company must be rich.

 

“Now look at mine!” And there goes Youngjae being pulled elsewhere. There were definitely some similarities between both rooms - Lucas’ having blue walls and black furniture, and Lucy's had beige walls and light grey  furniture, very minimalist.

 

“Who chose these colours?” Youngjae asked.

 

“DADDY LET US CHOOSE ‘EM!!!!” Lucas excitedly shouted, Youngjae not toning him down since he knew how excited they both were.

 

“Appa, come. We got a room for you too!” Both kids pulled Youngjae behind them and dragged him to the last room. As they opened the door, Youngjae was met with a very huge surprise.

 

“ _Holy shit.”_

 

“APPA SAID BAD WORDS!!!!” Lucas screamed to no one.

 

Mark went to see what the ruckus was as he came back from picking up the last of the kids’ boxes.

 

_Fuck, he wasn't supposed to see the room._

 

Mark secretly and specially made this room for Youngjae. It was a fully furnished bedroom with a mini-studio, and the walls were soundproof in case he was working.

 

**_He wasn't supposed to see this._ **

 

“Kids, didn't I tell you to keep this a secret?” Mark reprimanded his children, who looked genuinely shocked at his sudden presence, then, ashamed. “Go to your rooms now.” The twins slowly retreated back to their rooms, Youngjae still staring into _his_ room before Mark interrupted his thoughts.

 

“I… made this in case you slept over with the children or something. Your _own_ room, just like you gave me mine in your apartment.”

 

“But that was a _guest_ bedroom, _Mark_ , are you insane?! This must've cost a fortune. And I wouldn't stay here. _I would never stay here_.”

 

“It's fine, my company paid for it-”

 

“So, if it wasn't for your company, you wouldn't do it, right?”

 

“What?”

 

Youngjae turned, tears in his eyes, “If you paid with your own money, _Mark_ , you wouldn't have done all these, right?”

 

“I-”

 

“Tell me the truth, Mark.”

 

**“I would've done it still.”**

 

“Why?”

 

“Because…” _I still love you. I still want you._ “I wanted you to have your own room.”

 

“Mark, _this is ridiculous._ What are you doing, _Yien_?”

 

Mark widened his eyes, it’s been too long since he had heard _Yien_ come out from Youngjae’s mouth. When they were together, _that was his favourite thing_ , Youngjae knew it too. “This is my house. I do whatever I want to it, even if it's allocating a room to the father of my children.”

 

“Mark, I get it. But this is too much. Seriously, I don't even know what was going on in your head…”

 

“You don't have to stay here. This could still be a guest room no matter what.”

 

Youngjae took a deep breath, sniffing, “You're right. Okay, I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm emotional. I better go.” He quickly said goodbye to the children and left.

 

-  


“Lucas. Lucy. What did I tell you about the room?” Mark asked while he sat at the sofa and the twins were standing with their heads down in front of him.

 

“Not tell anyone…” Lucas mumbled.

 

“Especially?” Mark urged on.

 

“‘Specially Appa.”

 

“And what did you both do?”

 

“Show Appa the room,” They both mumbled.

 

“Kids, come ‘ere,” Mark opened his arms and they both walked closer.

 

“I love your Appa. I really do. That’s why I told you about the room. I’ll show it to him eventually… But I didn’t want to scare him so soon, I want to make it up to him. Just give us time, okay? Just give me time.”

 

“You’re going to make Appa fall in love with you again?” Lucy asked with hopeful eyes.

 

“I want us to be friends.” _He didn’t want to get their ~~his~~ hopes up. _

 

* * *

 

 

_“Mark, I heard they’re opening a new Assistant Director position in Seoul. Just wanted to give you a heads-up in case you want to move back in with your kids,” one of his colleagues, Raina, informed._

 

_“Thanks Ray, I'll think about it.”_

 

_**‘It would be nice to go back to the kids. And to him.’** He thinks, as he packed up for the night. _

 

_Moving back to LA was one of Mark’s biggest achievements as well as regrets. He was extremely lucky that his father had great connections due to his previous business endeavors before he retired, and Mark easily landed the job when he applied for fun - paid Sales intern - at one of the biggest global firms. He had majored in Business, and he particularly leaned toward Sales, so it seemed like he really hit a jackpot this time._

 

_But there was one other major thing he left behind. Well, technically three._

 

_Lucas, Lucy and **Youngjae**. _

 

_The twins didn’t know what was going on yet, heck, they were barely two. It was hard to leave them, but it was even much harder to leave Youngjae._

 

_Youngjae, the love of his life. He was so sure that they were going to marry and live happily together ever after, but now the only thing he was sure about was Youngjae hating him more than Mark hated himself. He never planned on leaving, he swore to himself, but left anyway._

 

_Nights of arguing landing in tears and sleeping in separate rooms. Mark was sure Youngjae has had enough._

 

_And he did. He broke off the engagement a year after._

 

_He had always wanted to bring the entire family out to LA with him, but he didn’t know Youngjae was adamant on staying in Seoul until he brought it up._

 

_“No.”_

 

_“Babe, you didn’t even consider-”_

 

_“Neither did you! The twins are barely one and you want to move us all to LA?! Are you insane? They weren't born here, but they’ll be sure as hell, raised here, in their hometown. I’m sure as hell not moving them out.”_

 

_“But LA is such a great place to raise-”_

 

_“I don’t care. You can travel there frequently all you want, but we’re not moving them there. Period.” Strike one._

 

_Mark snapped out of his thoughts. All their arguments had become the constant source of his nightmares the past 4 years._

 

_Amidst all the work events, late night overtime, getting scolded by his superiors and eventual promotions to Sales Executive, he had managed to sneak in Skype calls as much as he could, mostly so his kids would remember him. Youngjae was barely in the calls, so even a slight second glimpse of him lit Mark’s day up. At least once a year, during non-peak periods, he flies to Seoul for a week, to just hang out with the twins, before needing to fly back to LA._

 

_He missed his twins, and he missed Youngjae. And he wants them all back._

 

_As soon as the application for the job opening came up, Mark quickly submitted in his resume and cover letter, and soon secured an interview for the end of the week. It was mostly casual, but he did mention he wanted the job so he could progress in the company, and also stay with family. He guessed that help. The night before he was due to fly to Seoul, he got an email back saying he got the job._

 

_In a rush of excitement, he had packed much more clothes than he needed, and requested for his brother to take care of his apartment while he settled down. He doesn’t plan on flying back to LA anytime soon, so his little brother practically had the house to himself._

 

_In the airport, only then it had occurred to him._

 

_He’s coming home._

 

* * *

  
“Dude, you alright?” Jaebeom asked, noticing how distracted Youngjae was in the studio.

 

“What? Yes, yes I am… Sorry. Where were we?” He picked up his pen.

 

_Everything that I endured until now_

_Even if I did my best by myself_

_You already left after all_

_You’re not coming back_

_I still think about you..._

 

 **_He hadn't even realise how close the lyrics had hit home till now_ **.

 

He always knew everytime Mark came back it was a bad time for him. He was over them separating ( _he thinks),_ but the nightmare leading up it still haunted him.   


_How he left him and the kids all by themselves. The constant arguing they had because they could never just sit down and talk about things like a normal adult._

_The last few months leading up to Mark returning to LA was probably the worst months Youngjae had, and even the months after. Don't get him wrong, he loved his kids, but he didn't even know why he thought he could take care of two toddlers alone._

_And he just wanted to rid of Mark. All his betrayal, his selfishness. He wanted it all out._

_Now that Mark had moved back here permanently and the kids spend half their time with him, Youngjae feels… lost. He felt lost without his kids, of course, but now that Mark was back… what could happen?_

 

 

“Dude.”

 

Youngjae snapped up, “Sorry. It's just that Mark's back for good and now… now he gets half the time with the kids while I get the other half. It's good having some space to myself but… I miss them. That's all.”

 

“Only them?” Jaebeom smirked.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean… you and Mark were really heads over heels for each other. Heck, you were even _engaged_ , but _you_ cut it off. Do you still love him?”

 

“He's the father of my children.”

 

“You didn't even answer the question.”

 

“No. I don't… love him anymore.”

 

“Okay. Anything else you wanna vent out before we continue?”

 

“No. I won't get distracted. Sorry, let's continue.”

  


“Daddy! I miss Appa,” Lucas whined as he crashed onto Mark's bed before bedtime.

 

“It's only night one.”

 

“Yeah, but he usually sings me to sleep. Will you sing me to sleep, Appa?”

 

“Uh… I can't sing as well as Appa does.”

 

“You can always try, I won't mind, Daddy.”

 

“Alright… Don't scold me if it makes you have nightmares!” Mark joked.

 

They held hands and walked back to Lucas’ room. Mark tucked him in and started to hum to the lyrics of _Twinkle Twinkle Little Star._

 

“Daddy! I'm not a baby anymore~”

 

“I'm sorry, baby, what song does Appa usually sing?”

 

“I don't know… I think he sings his own songs…”

 

“I… I think I'll call Appa real quick and I'll ask him to sing to you. How about that?” Lucas excitedly nodded.

 

Mark took his phone from his room and rang Youngjae up.

 

“Mark? Is everything okay?” Youngjae greeted.

 

“Yeah, everything's fine. Lucas… wants you to sing to him. It helps him sleep.”

 

“Okay yeah sure. Put the phone on speaker then.”

 

“Appa!” Lucas talked into the phone. Mark sat on the floor beside the bed.

 

“Hey, baby. Can't sleep?”

 

“Yeah~ Daddy isn't really a good singer.”

 

“Hey!” Mark chastised.

 

“It's true, he isn't,” Youngjae giggled and proceeds to sing a very soft lullaby.

 

_"When I’m by myself that moon that shines on the window_

_Why am I so glad to see it?_

_Its warm which is like you_

_It feels like its smiling while looking at me..."_

 

Ah, Mark knew this song. Youngjae had written it himself and posted it on his Soundcloud under his pseud, Ars. He remembers being in his dorm room, Youngjae recording it on his very first  _professional_ microphone that his boyfriend had gotten for him for his birthday.

_"Hyung, how was it?" he had asked, knowing what Mark's usual answer would be._

_" **Beautiful** , just like you." _

 

Barely 3 minutes later, Lucas fell into deep slumber and Mark quietly left the room.

  


“He's asleep?” Youngjae asked.

 

“Yeah. Thank you.”

 

“No problem. If he wakes up or if I'm not free, just pat him like a cat. Works like a charm.”

 

“Pat him?”

 

“Yeah, he likes to be caressed, _don't know where he got it from_.” That was a lie, Mark used to do that to Lucas when he was a baby, and he too, liked to be caressed by Youngjae.

 

**All in the past.**

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Mhmm?”

 

“Do you… _Do you want to go out sometime_?”

 

Mark heard him take a sharp breath, “Huh?”

 

“Like for lunch or something. Just the two of us.”

 

“Mark. We're over.” Youngjae didn't mean to say it like _that_ , he really didn't. “Sorry. Habit.”

 

“It's fine. I was thinking just as friends though. Now that I'm back permanently, I want us to have a good relationship for the kids. Don't you think so?”

 

“We do have a good relationship.”

 

“The kids _know_ that we're not close. I don't want us to be an example of a bad relationship.”

 

“Wow. Playing the good parent again,” Youngjae snickered.

 

“What?”

 

“You're always playing the good parent, the nicer one. I'm the worse one-”

 

“Youngjae, you're not-”

 

“Can't you be the one to nag at them sometimes? Punish them for misbehaving? I can't be doing all the dirty work.”

 

“Okay, I will. Relax.”

 

“Whatever, Mark. Bye.”


	4. Feelings & First Dates

“Good morning everyone. I'm Mark Tuan, you can call me Mark. I'm excited to be here and to work with everyone. I hope you can take care of me well.” Mark introduced himself to his department, and they responded back with an applause and bows here and there.

 

“ **Tuan**.” Mark turned to the person and was shocked to see…

 

“Bambam! Hey, man!” They shook hands and bumped shoulders.

 

“Assistant director, huh? I knew when I saw the name, it was you. How's Youngjae? I'm sure you guys are married now or something.”

 

“Oh, uh. We broke up. I moved back to LA but came back here for the kids.”

 

“The kids?”

 

“Yeah, before we broke up, we adopted twins. Now, I get to spend time with them.”

 

“That's great, man. But I'm sorry about you and Youngjae, you guys always seemed like your worlds revolve around no one else but yourselves.”

 

“Yeah, life happened.” Mark nervously chuckled. “What are you working here as?”

 

“I'm the Head of Sales for Southeast Asia.”

 

“Nice, nice. Well, it's nice to meet you again.”

 

“Yeah, we should catch up, remember Jackson?” Mark nodded. “We're roommates, we could all go for dinner or something. The whole gang back together! Sort of.”

 

“Oh yeah sure… I can ask Youngjae.”

 

“Sure, sure. Welcome to the company, _Boss_ ,” Bambam parted with a mock salute.

  
  


**Youngjae:** My parents are coming over for dinner on Friday. Is it okay if I have the kids then?

 

**Mark:** Yeah sure. 

 

**Mark:** Remember Bambam and Jackson? 

 

**Youngjae:** Yes, why?

 

**Mark:** Bambam works under me now. He's saying we should all catch up, bring the ‘ _whole gang back together_ ’.

 

**Youngjae:** We'll see. I will pick the kids up from the daycare and send them back.

 

**Mark:** It’s fine, I can pick them up from your house.

 

**Youngjae:** Ok.

  
  


When Friday came around, Mark decided to work into the night till Youngjae says it's okay to pick the children up. It was easy for him to adapt well into the company since both branches worked similarly. There were definitely more responsibilities, naturally, but Mark was always someone up for the challenge, and he enjoyed it.

 

As for **Youngjae** … Well, barely 10 minutes of his parents coming into the house, Lucas had blurted out about Mark's homecoming, Youngjae forgetting to tell them not to mention it. His parents were shocked of course, but they were more shocked that Mark  _ wasn't  _ present, forcing him to call Mark over  _ right now. _

 

“Hello Youngjae." Mark looked at the time, it was barely dinner time.

 

“Mark… my parents wants you to come eat with us,” Youngjae hurried out.

 

“Right now?”

 

“Yeah, if you're not busy.”

 

“Yeah… I guess I'll be right over in 20 minutes.”

  
  


The thing about being once _engaged_ meant that Mark and Youngjae had introduced each other to their parents already.  _ Well _ , it didn't take an  _ engagement.  _ It only took them one year of dating exclusively. Both sides loved the other, and Mark couldn't lie and say he didn't miss Youngjae's parents when they broke up. They really felt like his second parents, taking care of him like a  _ real  _ son and he hadn't felt as homesick like he used to since he met Youngjae's parents.

 

So unsurprisingly, when Mark entered the house, he was welcomed with two huge hugs from Youngjae's parents. The kids then came after, leaving Youngjae awkwardly standing by the table.

 

“Ah Mark~ Long time no see!” Youngjae's dad said in accented English.

 

“I've missed you _Appa, Umma_ ,” Mark responded, realising what he said, he apologised.

 

“Ah it's okay, you can still call us that even though you and Jae are no longer,” Youngjae's mom informed him sweetly, “Come, let's eat!”

 

As they ate, Mark and Youngjae's parents caught up  _ a whole lot.  _ **Who could blame them?** They hadn't seen each other for four years, while they've seen Youngjae at least twice a month.

 

“Son, eat more,” Youngjae's dad low-key commanded.

 

“No thanks, I'm already full,” Youngjae smiled, wiping his kids’ mouths or cleaning up around their areas in his best attempt to distract himself.

 

“Here,” Mark shoved a piece of chicken between his chopsticks towards Youngjae's face to feed him.

 

“No, it's alright. Thanks.” Youngjae attempted to push his hand away when his mom spoke up, “Don't be rude, Youngjae-ah, Mark is just trying to feed you.” _Ugh, sneaky._

 

Youngjae glared at Mark's hand, and reluctantly opened his mouth for Mark to feed the chicken into.

 

**_Awkward_ ** .

 

Youngjae excused himself to the bathroom, and as soon as he closed the door, he leaned against it and took a breather. 

 

_ What is Mark doing? More importantly, what is Mark doing to me? I'm just minding my own business, why can't he? First, he comes back without telling me, then moves in permanently nearby with the most perfect house and the most perfect room, asks me out to eat and then feeds me in front of my parents and my kids?? **Our kids.** _

 

He's insane. **Crazy**. Out of his mind.

 

_ And maybe he is starting to be too. _

 

 

“Are you both thinking of getting back together?” Youngjae's mom asked once Youngjae has put them to sleep.  _ It was late _ and his parents were still here. 

 

“No.” “It's one-sided.” Youngjae and Mark, who both simultaneously said what they said respectively, looked at each other, the younger glaring at the other.

 

“Why not? It'd be good to raise your children if you're both together. Same house, less hassle, more love.”

 

“My kids get plenty of love from two houses, thank you,” Youngjae replied with a tone of sarcasm.

 

“Well, you both should at least try to make amends,” his father spoke up now, “I want my grandchildren to grow up with parents who care about each other at the very least, if you don’t get back together.”

 

“I'd suggested it, but you know how stubborn your son can be,” Mark lightly joked.

 

“ _ Oh trust us, we know.” _

 

Youngjae sighed. Dinners with his parents were always… mildly tolerable. But with Mark in the mix? _**Disaster**_.

 

**Mark is a walking disaster.**

 

_ How was Youngjae going to survive it? _

 

“I’ve already put Lucy back to sleep again,” Mark came out, picking up his bag, ready to leave.

 

“Thanks… but uh, you can just… stay here. It’s late, anyway.”  _ Yes, his parents stayed till 2am. _

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah… just  _ your  _ room. You still have some of your stuff here, anyway.”

 

“Ah okay… thank you.” 

 

They parted for the night.

 

-

 

“Parent-Teacher Day is coming soon, do you want to come?” Youngjae asked, while Mark drove the kids back a few weeks later.

 

“Yes sure, when?”

 

“March 29 at 10am.”

 

“Sure, I’ll mark it out and take leave. Why don’t we spend the day together? The 4 of us?” Mark asked hopefully.

 

“Uh-” Before Youngjae could fully say  _ no _ , the kids had overheard and cheered very excitedly. Well, _it was sure going to be an exciting day._

 

“Okay then… I guess we're going to… do that…” Youngjae mumbled.

 

_ This is going to be so great.  _

 

 

March 29 again, came way,  _ way  _ too soon for Youngjae's liking. After meeting the twins’ teacher and receiving great feedback (of course, they're Youngjae's children after all), the twins demanded they all went to the zoo. 

 

Mark bought the tickets,  _ after much debate with Youngjae,  _ and they proceeded into the extremely large zoo. 

 

_ “Appa look! Lions! ROAAARRR!” Lucas shouted, only for the lion to continue sleeping in their enclave.  _

 

_ “Daddy, carry me I can't see the dolphins!”  _

 

_ “Appa, look! Otters! They look  _ **_just like you,_ ** _ ” Lucas commented, and Mark readily agreed. _

 

_ “Daddy!” “Appa, see this!” Repeated on for the next 2 hours before Youngjae announced it was time for lunch. Thank goodness it was a weekday, the KFC wasn't that crowded so they were able to settle down quickly before Youngjae went to buy lunch. _

 

“Appa! Lucy wants mash'd potato,” Lucas came up beside him at the counters and yawned. 

 

“Close your mouth, baby,” Youngjae said, “Having a great time?”

 

“Yes! All Lucy and I wanted was to hang out all together, and now we get to! Thank you Appa, I know you and Daddy don't really get along but… This means a lot to us. I love you.”

 

“My babies are all growing up so fast and so  _ smart.  _ I love you too.” 

 

_ Internally _ , Youngjae admitted he was worried that the kids  _ knew  _ Mark and him weren't getting along, and his parents were right: he didn't want his kids to grow up in a family where their parents don't teach you that people make mistakes and can make amends from them. He wanted to teach his children that  _ yes,  _ you can  _ work  _ to  _ try and get along _ , even if you're not together anymore. He knew it was hard, it was unfair and selfish to them. Youngjae shouldn’t show the kids the  _ not-so-nice  _ side of a relationship so early on in their life. That there's always a way to make it _work_... or something like that. That people can forgive, learn from mistakes and move on.

 

But even so… what if Youngjae hasn't  _ fully  _ forgiven Mark yet? 

 

They sat down and feasted on a bucket of 10 pieces of chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw and 3 drinks after a long morning. Everyone was famished,  _ especially  _ the kids. Youngjae then divided the chicken to 3, 3, 3 and 1, for him. The kids looked at him like he was crazy. Mark too, and also because he knew Youngjae had _unconsciously_ given him his favourite chicken part: the legs.

 

“The chicken is big, guys. It's enough for me,” Youngjae said. 

 

They are on in silence, and while Youngjae has already finished with his, the rest were only on their 2nd chicken. Mark  _ knew  _ Youngjae was still hungry, if not for him subtlety looking at the menu above the counters again.

 

“Here,” Mark  _ again  _ fed Youngjae his chicken across the table, with his fingers to his mouth, and whilst the latter really wanted to tell him off, he saw that his children were staring at him. So… he  _ opened his mouth. _

 

* * *

 

_ “Mark~ Feed me!” Youngjae lazily sat on top of the counter while Mark made them Aglio Olio for lunch. The latter twirled some of the cooked pasta for his fiance to taste, and his day is all brightened by the smile of his face. _

 

_ “Really good, as usual.” _

 

_ “Thanks, babe.” _

 

_ Feeding each other was something Mark had to get used to 2 months into exclusive dating Youngjae. The younger was well… very into physical affection. And since he had met the younger, Mark was too.  _

 

_ However, since it was both of their first time in a serious relationship, it took time for them to adjust to their touchiness, but when they've already adapted to it, they couldn't keep their hands to themselves. _

 

_ That meant kissing each other on the lips out of the blue, getting each other off whilst studying, and having impromptu quickies at parties. _

 

_ Yes, they were  _ **_that_ ** _ adventurous. _

 

_ And one day, it was suddenly cut off. _

 

* * *

 

“Daddy, Appa, we want to get on the bus please!!” Lucas asked, and Mark readily paid for all 4 of them. They had to sit in twos, so Lucas sat with Youngjae, and Lucy with Mark.

 

The twins were in awe of all the animals they got to see up-close, the keeper feeding the bears, seeing the giraffes eating, tigers and lions roaring ( _ for real this time _ ). It was very nice to see his kids  _ so extremely  _ **happy** , Youngjae had to admit. They must really like getting to hang out with both dads. 

 

_ Maybe he should just try with Mark, so his children can grow up with both dads together. Maybe, just maybe. _

 

He looked over at Mark, who was enthusiastically explaining to Lucy about the elephants. He's still beautiful, or even more so 4 years later. It's unfair he still looked  _ so  _ young and youthful and full of life. He's been a  _ great  _ dad, Youngjae supposed.

 

But _what he did_ … Youngjae doesn't know if they could ever get back together the way they used to be. He doesn't think so, it was likely not going to happen.

 

“Appa, are you okay?” Lucas asked, garnering the attention of his ex and daughter in front. He hadn't realise he'd been tearing up.

 

“Yeah, baby. I'm fine. Just tired.”  _ Of thinking too much. _

 

Lucas side-hugged his father throughout the rest of the journey.

  
  


“Youngjae, are you alright?” Mark asked as soon as he tucked both of the kids to bed. The twins insisted Youngjae followed back home, Mark's  _ home _ , and the younger relented, promising himself to Uber home after.

 

“Yeah… just, it's been a tiring day, that's all.”

 

“At least, stay here for the night. You know you have your  _ own  _ room.” 

 

“I don't have clothes. It's alright, I'll call a car.”

 

“Uh… I bought clothes… in your size… they're in your room,” Mark informed softly.

 

_ Youngjae was in no mood to fight,  _ so he sighed and nodded. 

 

The mini studio was still there, and to his surprise, Mark had added in photo frames of the kids… And them. He picked it up; it was a picture of the both of them with the twins when they were just adopted. It was definitely the best day Youngjae has had, the day they brought home the loves of his life.

 

“Ah, I can remove that if you want,” Mark offered, standing right outside the room since Youngjae hasn't closed the door yet.

 

“It's fine, I love it.” He smiled before bidding each other goodnight.

 

He had his  _ own  _ bathroom, and as he stepped in, it was like he was back at home. The exact bath soap, shampoo and conditioner were there. Even the  _ same  _ brand and type of Sensodyne, same coloured toothbrush. The only difference was it was  _ not his  _ house.

 

As he settled down in the  _ rather  _ comfortable bed, Youngjae thought back to the times when all Mark and him used to do was lounge on their bed the  _ entire weekend _ , only ordering delivering and disregarding their phones. Those were  _ really, really good times _ . He missed them. 

 

**_And in the back of his heart somewhere, he may have missed Mark._ **

-

 

“Appa! You're here!” Lucy crashed onto her father's legs as soon as she spotted Youngjae outside the next morning.

 

He carried his daughter and gave her kisses, “Yeah, I was just about to leave. Behave for Daddy okay?”

 

“No, Appa! Don't leave~ why don't you spend time with us? Altogether?”

 

“Appa has something to do, darling. Maybe next time, okay?”

 

“Okay, Appa, I love you,” she kissed her dad.

 

“Love you more. Tell your brother too, alright?” He turned to Mark, “Thanks for the coffee.”  _ Which Mark of course, made to perfection. _

 

“Welcome, go home safe.”

 

For once, Youngjae  **did** have somewhere to be. And that somewhere is a date. With a guy Jaebeom knew..

 

_ “Park Jinyoung,” Jaebeom had told him. _

 

_ “Fine, I'll go on a date with him.” _

  
  


_ Jinyoung  _ had suggested a very nice, cosy cafe called POEM in the middle of Myeongdong, and their bingsus were  _ big _ and their waffles were hearty. He was shocked to find such a large serving for half the price he used to get in Gangnam. He should bring Lucas and Lucy here next time.

 

“So, you work with Jaebeom hyung?”

 

“Yeah I do, I've been working with him for the past decade. We were childhood neighbours.”

 

“Wow, that's amazing. I  _ do not  _ have friends as long as 10 years. I also… uh, heard you have twins.”

 

“Yeah, their names are Lucy and Lucas.”

 

“And their other dad?”

 

“He's taking care of them now.”

 

“I see. Uh, can I be honest with you?”

 

_ Great, this was when he was going to say he wasn't interested in a partner who already has kids- _

 

“I've been trying to get JB hyung to introduce me to you for the past year or so.”

 

_**What?** _

 

“When… ah, this is embarrassing… I went to the studio one time to see him… And uh, you both were walking down together and I just saw you… And knew I had to know you.”

 

“Oh,” Youngjae blushed.

 

Jinyoung nodded, “But hyung kept asking you to go on a date, and you refused. I understood, you were raising two kids on your own and I… I understood. But JB hyung said their other father came back, and he was going to force you to  _ finally  _ go on a date, and of course, I jumped at the chance. Thank you for saying yes.” It was his turn to blush now.

 

“Thank you for wanting to take me out, Jinyoung-ssi.”

 

“Oh! Just call me hyung.”

 

“Okay, Jinyoung _hyung_.” 

 

_ It was a great first date. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i wrote this,,,,,,,...,,..,,..,., i was in 2young hours,,,,,,,,,,...,.,.,.,..,,. sorry !!!!!
> 
> happy lunar new year <3 i wanted to update but i was on a short vacation!!
> 
> just an important note: the other members aren't in this story too much.... except jinyoung... lmao


	5. No One Else Quite Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um >< there's smut in this... but it's the first part, so if you're not comfortable, read AFTER the first flashback.
> 
> wanted to post this so i can move on kdsjhjfj bye enjoy
> 
> I keep on changing the dates as I've posted this on the 8th (where I'm from) but the system stated 7th.

“Hyungie~” Youngjae whined, clinging onto Jinyoung as they walked along Han River. They had been dating for 1.5 months, before they decided to exclusively date, and life has never looked better.

 

Things with Mark and Youngjae hadn't changed much, but one could tell Youngjae has broken down parts of the walls he had built up against Mark, and the latter couldn't ask for more. Youngjae was happier, he  _liked_ Jinyoung.

 

“It's cold…” Youngjae whined.

 

“Did I not tell you to bring a jacket, babe?” Jinyoung sighed, taking out one side of his jacket and wrapping it around the other.

 

“I forgot… I had to rush the kids out since Mark came late so I could get here  _on time._ ” They both had an ongoing joke where Youngjae was  _always_ late to their dates, mostly because of the kids.

 

“You were  _on time._ Maybe you deserve a reward?” Jinyoung stopped and leaned in, kissing Youngjae deeply and the other reciprocating back. The older started rubbing at the other's back, slowly moving them more south.

 

“I didn't know voyeurism was  _your thing?_ ”

 

“I didn't know it was  _yours,_ either.” Jinyoung smirked into the kiss, kneeing Youngjae's growing boner.

 

 _“Fuck, is our first time really going to be by the river?”_ Youngjae thought out loud.

 

“It's dark, no one would catch us…” Jinyoung encouraged.

 

“We don't have condoms or lube though.”

 

Jinyoung pulled away, “Or do we?” Pulling out a condom and a small packet of lube, Youngjae smacked the other, “You planned this?!”

 

“I planned for one of us to stay the night, not here,” he corrected, “But I definitely wouldn't mind.”

 

“Shit, it's scary how I don't mind either, let's do it.”

 

Jinyoung hurriedly turned Youngjae around and leaned him up against the railing, looking around,  _there really wasn't anyone_. They both kissed messily as Youngjae zipped open Jinyoung's pants while Jinyoung tore into the condom and shoved it onto his dick. The older pulled the younger’s pants and boxers down to his thighs, lubed himself up and just went for it. They both knew they didn't have time to prepare, and it  _burned. It really did._

 

“Sorry, baby, I'm sorry…” Jinyoung mumbled against their kiss, as he pushed himself against the tight hole.

 

“It's fine, you can move now.”

 

They quickly picked up their pace, Jinyoung pushing it into him while Youngjae pushed himself back on it. They  _chased_ , and  _chased their peak_ and moved together in sync until Jinyoung gave up and came.

 

“Hyung, touch me please.” Jinyoung reached around and hastily placed his hand onto Youngjae's dick, getting him off while riding his own high.

 

_Needless to say, they quickly rushed back to Youngjae's for their subsequent rounds._

 

 

* * *

 

 _Sex with Mark_ **_was_  ** _this amazing, Youngjae had to admit. Apparently voyeurism was Youngjae's thing, he had done it in closets of other people's house, in the school's toilets, even public toilets. With Mark, the most thrilling sex escapade they had was at a container space. Yes, you heard it._

 

_They were just walking around Seoul Forest and chanced upon a relatively new, but quiet container mall, called Understand Avenue. It was like Commonground, but much smaller. It was almost 10 at night, and there was little to no people there._

 

_“I bet I can get you off here,” Mark challenged._

 

_“I'd like to see you try,” Youngjae smirked, as he was pulled to one of the corners of the area._

 

_Mark shoved him against the container and kneeled down, pulling down Youngjae's pants and underwear, and put his hands to work._

 

_This was new, even to Youngjae. Whoever that passed by and looked their way could see that Mark was giving him a handjob - Fuck, scratch that. A blowjob. Mark knew how to give a damn good one, and at that point of time, Youngjae wouldn't have mind dying from one._

 

_Mark's mouth work was out of this world - as his tongue licked at the vein at the bottom of his dick, licking around it and popping in and out with lewd sounds. He also managed to catch Youngjae's sight, flicking his tongue back and forth at the slick before swallowing it all in. He does this a few more times before Youngjae couldn't handle it anymore, and came._

 

_“I want you to fuck me,” Youngjae breathed out as Mark's face lit up, looking up then pulling the younger upstairs. He bent Youngjae onto the railing on the second floor, shoved both their pants down and fucked him senseless._

 

_Now, everyone could see the very clear image of a man fucking another against the railing very clearly. Youngjae wasn't soft either, he chanted Faster, faster hyung before they both came (one untouched) together._

 

 _Since then, voyeurism became_ **_their_ ** _thing._

 

* * *

 

“Hey…” Jinyoung greeted in the morning.

 

“Hey.” Youngjae smiled before they both leaned into each other and kissed each other passionately.

 

“Ready to go again? We're still sticky from earlier in the morning,” Jinyoung joked.

 

“Why not? Suddenly tired,  _grandpa_?” Youngjae fought back.

 

“Bring it on.”

 

Youngjae dove back in, as he was readily hard again. They starting humping against each other and Youngjae was about to put  ** _go_** when the house bell rang.

 

“ _Fuck_. Be right back.” He threw on his shorts expecting it to be a salesman or someone insignificant but to his surprise-

 

“Appa!” Lucy cried, flinging her arms towards Youngjae before his father instinct kicked in and he removed her from Mark’s arms.

 

“What's wrong, baby? You're a day early.” He looked at Mark.

 

“She's sick, and wouldn't stop asking for you. I texted you.” Mark quietly informed, taking in his ex's form,  _and half-hard boner_ as a sign he interrupted something.

 

“I can take her back, sorry… I didn't know,” Mark continued before Youngjae shooed him off, understanding how clingy Lucy gets to him when she’s sick.

 

Youngjae closed the door before bringing Lucy to her room, Jinyoung peeking out of his room in confusion. He mouthed ‘5 minutes’ before going in and checking in on her.

 

“Aigoo, what happened, baby?”

 

“Fev’r… Appa… It hurts….”

 

“I know baby, I know. Appa will be back with some medicine and water, okay?”

 

Youngjae closed the door behind him and going to his room, “My daughter’s sick, and she’s clingy when she does so… no date-weekend for us.”

 

Jinyoung groaned, but of course, understood where he came from. He’s a kindergarten teacher after all.

 

“Text me when you reach home?” Jinyoung nodded and they kissed each other goodbye before Youngjae brought medicine and water back into Lucy’s room.

 

“Baby, come eat this first before you go back to sleep, okay?” He fed her their usual medicine and placed a cooling gel sheet on her before she fell fast asleep.

 

 ** _Jinyoung_  ** _: Back home, miss you already._

 

 ** _Youngjae_  ** _: I miss you too… We didn’t get to finish what I started this morning :(_

 

 ** _Jinyoung_  ** _: It’s okay, baby… But maybe we can try it now?_

 

 ** _Youngjae_  ** _: God, marry me._

 

 ** _Jinyoung_  ** _: Hahaha, calling you right now._

 

Lucy woke up a few hours later, after Youngjae had managed to clean up around the house since his schedule  _miraculously_ freed up.

 

“Appa…” She groaned.

 

“Hey baby, how’re you feeling?”

 

“Not good…” Youngjae checks for a fever, slightly above the ‘normal range’ limit and decided to give her a cold bath.

 

“Appa, are you lonely?” Lucy asked.

 

“No… I have you both, why would I be lonely?” He washes her face.

 

“I heard you were talking to y’self before you came back with my med’cine.”

 

 ** _Yikes_  **. “Oh. I was talking on the phone, baby.”

 

Lucy stayed silent at that before talking again, “I know Daddy’s lonely.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“He told me. He told me he misses you, and he misses us when he’s away.”

 

“Oh. I see.”

 

“He also said he still loves you, a lot. But he knows you might not feel the same anymore.”

 

Youngjae sighed,  _Mark is always making him the bad guy, as usual_.

 

“Appa… Appa loves Daddy because he’s your Daddy. Something happened that Daddy did… And Appa wasn’t happy about it. What I feel for Daddy, would never affect how much we both love you and your brother.”

 

“We  _know_ that, but Lukey and I always hope that one day you’ll both fall in love with each other again and then we can stay in one house like a family.” Lucy smiled hopefully.

 

“Baby…”

 

“It’s okay Appa, I understand. It’s just different staying together in one house than 2 houses, is all,” she shrugged.

 

_His kids were just really too smart. And maybe they’re waking Youngjae up._

 

“Is Lucy okay?” Mark called to check later in the night.

 

“Yeah, she’s feeling much better. How’s Lucas?”

 

“He’s fine, I think he’s excited to be the only one who’s got my attention,” Mark chuckled.

 

“Mark.”

 

“Mhhmm?”

 

“You told Lucy you still  _loved_ me? And that I didn’t feel the same for you anymore.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“Mark. Mark, stop making me the bad guy here. You left us. You’re the bad guy.”

 

“Youngjae, I’m not making you the bad guy. I’d never lie to my kids. They asked if I still loved you, I said yes. Then they asked whether you still loved me, and I said I think you dont anymore. It’s true, no?”

 

Youngjae stayed silent at that, giving Mark the answer.

 

“You’re seeing someone?” Mark asked.

 

“Uh… yes.”

 

“Yeah, you had the after-sex glow,” Mark joked, but there was naturally truth to that.

 

“Yeah… it’s new… and it's my first time since…”  _We broke up._

 

“Oh. I thought you’ve always… moved on when I left.”

 

“ _What?_ I think it’s safe to say you fucked me up when you left.”

 

“Youngjae, I’m sorry-”

 

“And I’m over your apologies, good night.”

 

* * *

 

_“Jae, please,” Mark begged._

 

_“You wanna move away? FINE. Leave me and my kids alone.”_

 

_“Why can’t you hear me out ONE time, Jae?”_

 

_“Fine, say what you want to say.”_

 

_“I suggested moving to LA so we can raise our kids there. You and me, and Lucy and Lucas. I never, never implied that I wanted to go without you,” Mark sniffed, “I don’t know how you assumed that I wanted to leave you behind.”_

 

_“Mark, I told you I never wanted to move away.”_

 

_“That was 3 years ago, I’d think you’d have a bit of an open-mind now.”_

 

_“Open mind or not, I’m not moving my kids there. If you want to move yourself there, go ahead. Just don’t think you’d have any sort of communication with us now.”_

 

_“Youngjae, I love you. I wanna be in this with you, I’ll stay.”_

 

_“No! Go! Go away!!!” Youngjae screamed and flung his arms around so Mark wouldn't go near him. He failed badly when the older manages to capture and hold him close to restrain his hands and calm him down._

 

_“My life is here, with you. With the kids. I want to stay.”_

 

_“Are you sure?” He sniffed._

 

_“Yes. 100% yes.”_

 

_“Ok, you’re staying,” Youngjae breathed out, reassuring himself. “I love you.” Mark hugged the younger even tighter._

 

_“I love you too.”_

 

* * *

 

“Appa was thinking of getting a dog, what do you think?”

 

The twins freaked out, happily, of course.

 

“Yes yes yes! Can we name her Elsa?” Lucy excite.

 

“Why would it be a Her! It would be a boy!”

 

“No! A girl!” “A boy!” “A girl!”

 

“Okay kids, calm down. The problem now is that… Appa is allergic. Which means that we cannot get dogs that make Appa sneeze or get itchy a lot.”

 

They groaned, while Youngjae chuckled, “Here, I have a dog in mind. It’s called a Maltese.” He showed them picture off Google and immediately, the twins brightened up.

 

“She’s so cute!” “It’s a he!”

 

“Why don’t we go to the animal shelter and see who we can save, huh?”

 

“YAY!”

 

There were  _so_ many dogs there, the kids were too overwhelmed and overexcited. It was practically, the best day of the twins’ lives.

 

“Appa look! It’s the dog you wanted!” Lucas was right, he pointed to a white Maltese.

 

“Oh! Look like her name’s Heart.”

 

“Oh cute!!” Lucy screeched, “Can we get her?”

 

“Let’s play with her for awhile and see whether she suits us?”

 

The little pup did, so much, and there and then, little Heart was adopted.

 

They all decided  **Coco**  suited her better.

 

“Daddy look! We got a new dog~” Lucy greeted Mark as soon as he opened the door.

 

It seemed like Coco  _loves_ this stranger, sniffing his legs before barking at him and circling around him. Mark kneeled down and patted the white maltese, who relishes in the soft hands of this new person.

 

“Ah, you’re so cute! What’s your name?” Mark cooed.

 

“Coco!” The twins collectively answered.

 

“Kids, come get your bags,” Youngjae ordered as he walked down the hallway. “Hi, Mark.”

 

“Hey.”

 

“I was thinking of introducing the kids to my... friend.” Youngjae knew Jinyoung had wanted to meet the kids, but neither of them had brought it up. Jinyoung knew he couldn’t push the other until Youngjae was comfortable, and he hasn’t for the longest time. But if they started of as ‘friends’, it’ll be much easier.

 

The kids come running out, “Yeah, sure. Say bye bye to your Appa.”

 

“Bye Appa, love you!” “Bye bye Appa!” They budded as they put on their shoes and walked towards the lifts.

 

“Bye sweethearts, behave for your Daddy!”

 

“So you want me to meet your children?” Jinyoung asked as they were settling down for the weekend at Youngjae’s place. They were going to watch Call Me By Your Name, Jaebeom’s suggestion. Coco was fast asleep in her bed.

 

“Yeah, but as friends.”

 

“Understandable, we’ve only been dating two months.”

 

“Mhmm,” Youngjae hummed, “They’ll love you.”

 

“Really? Then I’d be honoured.” He leaned down to capture the other’s lips, eventually, pulling away before cuddling each other properly for the movie.

 

After the movie, they both lounged on Youngjae’s bed, Jinyoung on top of the other, making out lazily.

 

“Maybe give me some tips on your kids?”

 

“Well, generally, they’re both very smart and inquisitive, they ask a lot of questions, they are very… honest. Lucas clings to me, and Lucy clings to my ex, but when they’re both sick, they cling to me, since they’re used to only me being there for them,” he smiled sadly, “Lucas is loud, like most boys are, but he’s very obedient and responsible, albeit naughty sometimes. Lucy is very independent and sassy, but she listens. They are both very good kids, thanks to me, but oh! They are very cheeky, especially when they’re both scheming together.” Youngjae chuckled.

 

“Just like their Dad. You, I mean. Can you… tell me about their other dad?” Jinyoung hesitantly asked.

 

“Mark… he’s… something. We were engaged… I should’ve told you that earlier, right?”

 

“You can tell me whatever you’re comfortable telling me.”

 

“I broke off the engagement… In hindsight, it was a bit too petty, but no one could blame me then. I was just extremely emotional and I felt so betrayed… _I asked him to leave_.”

 

“He... cheated on you?”

 

“No… he, uh. He wanted to leave Seoul and move back to LA, I didn’t want to and he agreed.  _Something happened_ , I wasn’t too happy… To be honest, we weren’t in the best terms once we started fighting about LA… our breakup was almost inevitable.”

 

“Wow. Do you… do you still love him?”

 

_**Does he?** _

 

“I don’t know… A part of me still does solely because he’s my children’s father, and because he’s my first love? It’s just… It’s complicated and I’d rather not think about it. One thing is for certain though is that I really like you.”

 

“I definitely understand how you feel. And I really like you too.”

 

“I hope you like my children too, they're my everything.”

 

“I hope they like  _me_ too, once they find out I'm Appa's boyfriend.”

 

-

 

“Hi, I'm Jinyoung, Appa's friend.”

 

“Are you sure you're not his  _boyfriend?_ ” Lucas sassily asked.

 

“Of course I'm sure, I'm Appa's friend… who's a boy?” Jinyoung joked, he should be good at this but they were Youngjae's kids, so he was a little nervous.

 

“No, we meant like. Daddy used to be Appa's boyfriend. Are  _you_ dating Appa?”

 

“Kids, enough,” Youngjae butted in, requesting everyone to sit around the table.

 

“ _We just wanted to know whether he's your boyfriend,_ ” Lucas mumbled.

 

“He's my  _friend.”_

 

“Sure, Appa…” Lucy sassed.

 

“How was your weekend with Daddy?”

 

“Good! He brought us hiking and then, got us ice-cream at some place in Cheongdam.” That cause Youngjae to choke on his drink, and Jinyoung immediately rubbed his back.

 

“Sorry, dry throat, drank too fast. Was the ice cream nice?”

 

“Yeah, it served  _so many_ types of sprinkles,” Lucy complimented, “Now that I think about it… The seller knew Daddy. And he asked about you too.”

 

 _Some place_ was a very special shop for Mark and Youngjae. They went there on their second (and it was either a win or lose for the older) date and Mark had been  _so_ nervous, he dropped this entire cup of ice cream. It was replaced for free of course, but Mark was sure to give them a large tip. He was also sure that Youngjae wouldn't say yes to another date, but to his surprise, the younger asked  _him_ out. The rest was history, and that place became significant to them that they went there  _a lot._

 

“Oh. Don't remember,” Youngjae mumbled.

 

“They… liked me?” Jinyoung unconfidently concluded.

 

“No… They don't. They  _definitely_ know you're my boyfriend.”

 

“Yeah, definitely. Next time, I guess.”

 

“Yeah next time,” Youngjae looked behind to ensure his kids weren't there to see him quickly give the other a quick kiss.

 

“Bye."

-

 

“So, you don't like my  _friend?_ ”

 

“He's not Daddy.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Lucas dramatically sighed, “We know he's your boyfriend.”

 

“He's-”

 

“You've never introduced us to your friends before. Except Uncle Jaebeom, you don't have any other friends.”

 

_‘Wow, offence taken,’ Youngjae thinks._

 

“And he acted too awkward as a friend,” Lucy piped up, to which her brother agreed.

 

“So, you don't like him.”

 

“No… we don't.”

 

“May I ask why?”

 

“He's not Daddy,” Lucas nonchalantly said.

 

“Please let Appa understand this little head of yours.”

 

“You and Daddy, you belong together. We don't like anyone else who comes in your way, so if Daddy ever brings home a boyfriend, we wouldn't like him too.”

 

“But Appa really, really liked Jinyoung.”

 

“Yeah but Appa, don't you realise? You only got a boyfriend when Daddy came home,” Lucy explained.

 

“You  _never_ went on dates when Daddy was away,” Lucas added.

 

 ** _Fuck_  ** _, how had he not realise that._

 

“Appa wants to move on, and you both should too. I really like Jinyoung. I was too busy taking care of you both, now that Daddy's back, he can take care of you when I go on dates. ”

 

“Daddy still loves you,” Lucas tries.

 

“Yeah I told him already,” Lucy commented.

 

“Just… fine. You can date this Jinyoung-ssi… but you must tell Daddy so he can move on too.”

 

“I… okay. I'll tell Daddy.”

 

And by telling Daddy, he meant texting Mark.

 

 **Youngjae:** The kids want me to tell you that I'm dating… someone.

 

 **Mark:** Oh okay… Why did the kids ask you to?

 

 **Youngjae:** So, you can move on, apparently.

 

 **Mark:** Oh. They're funny. And uh, noted with thanks, I guess?

 

 **Youngjae:** Yeah.

 

 **Youngjae:** Can I ask you something?

 

 **Mark:** Of course.

 

 **Youngjae:** Have you ever been with anyone since we broke up?

 

 **Mark:** No.

 

 **Mark:** There's been no one else quite like you.

 

 **Mark:** Fuck, that wasn't supposed to send. Sorry.

 

_It was left on read._


	6. Mistakes

“Appa, can you, me, Lucy and Daddy go out together again?”

 

“Uh…”

 

Lucas sighed, _he knew_ it was a lost cause but it couldn't hurt to try. He started to leave the kitchen.

 

“Wait, where are you going?”

 

“I knew you were gonna say **no** , I thought I'd just try asking, is all,” Lucas shrugged.

 

_Sigh._

 

Youngjae pulled out his phone, and pulled up Mark's conversation.

 

 **Youngjae:** The kids want us to go out as a family.

 

 **Mark:** Yeah, they asked me.

 

 **Youngjae:** Let’s surprise them… Why don't we visit my parents in Mokpo?

 

 **Mark:** Really?

 

 **Youngjae:** Yeah, I've no upcoming projects. I'm sure I can take a few days off.

 

 **Mark:** Let me know in advance.

 

 **Youngjae:** In exactly two weeks, Wednesday to Saturday. Is that okay?

 

 **Mark:** Yeah, that's perfect.

 

“Leaving me for the _ex_ , already?” Jinyoung joked as his boyfriend packed weekend bags for him and the twins.

 

“I'm _leaving you_ to see my parents. My kids miss them.”

 

“I'm just kidding, babe. So no chance of them liking me, huh?”

 

“I don't think so, bud. But it's alright, hyung, _I'll still kiss you_.”

 

Jinyoung snickered, “Have time for a quick one?”

 

“Mark reaches in exactly 50 minutes.”

 

“So, _3 quick ones_.” Jinyoung smirked and got back to 'work'.

 

-

 

“Hey, come on. Let's go get ready.”

 

“Will Daddy miss us?” Lucy pouted, and just then, the doorbell rang.

 

“Why don't you ask him yourself?” Youngjae nodded towards the door, hoping they'd get the hint to open it. And they did. The twins gasped, “Daddy!”

 

“Hey kiddos. All ready?”

 

“Daddy! Daddy, what are you doing here?” Lucas asked breathlessly, from all the jumping out of excitement.

 

“I don’t know… I heard someone was going to Mokpo and maybe.... I’m _interested_.”

 

Lucy gasped, “Are you coming with us, Daddy?!?!”

 

“Am I, Appa?” Mark suddenly directed the question to Youngjae, and the twins looked at him curiously.

 

“Surprise,” Youngjae let out, suddenly unsure of himself, and the kids screeched as loudly as they could.

 

“I think they're more excited for us to be together than seeing my parents,” Youngjae commented on their train ride there. The twins have exhausted themselves so they were already napping. Coco was currently in her little bag sleeping soundly as well.

 

“Yeah, to be honest, me too.”

 

“Why?” He didn't mean to ask but… _too late._

 

“It's nice to just go out together as a family.”

 

“Yeah… I feel bad. Lucas looked so sad and defeated when I hesitated answering his question, they know they're my weakness,” Youngjae chuckled, pausing before admitting, “I've been meaning to like… **try** between us.”

 

Mark's eyes widened, “What do you mean?”

 

“I've been thinking about how… how you're back. And how the kids always mention that they'd like us to be together more… I just. Started to feel guilty that they have to split between the both of us all the time. They also noticed how we don't _get along_ and I just don't want to give my kids a bad impression on relationships.”

 

“So… what now?”

 

**_“We try, Mark. I’ll try.”_ **

-

“Halmeoni! Harabeoji!” The kids cheered as they entered the house.

 

“Ah my babies~” Their grandmother cooed.

 

“It’s nice for all of you to come visit us instead, for a change,’ His dad said.

 

“Yeah, Appa. It’s nice,” Youngjae hugged him.

 

“Mark! You’re here too!” His mom cheered, seemingly more happy to see Mark than her own son.

 

“I am, hello Umma.”

 

“Ah~ I’m so happy that all 4 of you are here. Come, come, your rooms are cleaned~” Youngjae’s mom brought the kids to their own room, decorated to their liking; favourite toys, animals etc, which of course, they were ecstatic about, before bringing Youngjae and Mark to their room.

 

 _Room_.

 

As in: they’re staying in the **_same_ **room.

 

“Umma, I told you. I’ll sleep with Lucas and Lucy with Mark.”

 

“I’m sure it won’t be a problem sleeping together,” Youngjae’s mother stated.

 

“Umma, I’m dating someone else.”

 

“It’s okay, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Mark offered.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping on the bed together. Just don’t do anything explicit,” Youngjae’s father came in and winked.

 

“ _Fine_ ,” Youngjae defeated, his parents leaving the room to allow them to unpack.

 

“I can just sleep on the floor or something…” Mark said, before Youngjae shot him down, “It’s fine, Mark.”

 

Youngjae had let Coco out for her to run around, and she _loves_ his parents. She also definitely enjoyed the extra backyard space for her to play on.

 

“Who are you dating?” His mom asked, as they all sat on the backyard porch as his dad, Mark, the kids and Coco played together.

 

“Uh, his name is Jinyoung," Youngjae answered, looking at everywhere else but his mom.

 

“Has he met the children?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And he’s staying?”

 

“Yeah he knew about them a long time ago.”

 

“Wait, how long have you two been dating?:

 

“2 months.”

 

“How…? Did he know about the kids for so long?”

 

“He’s Jaebeom hyung’s friend.”

 

“Oh. Do you have a picture?”

 

“Yeah.” Youngjae stayed unmoving.

 

“Well? I wanna see it!” His mom smacked him.

 

“Okay geez, don’t need to get violent.” He pulled up a selca they’d taken on one of their dates.

 

“Oh. He’s gorgeous.”

 

“Right?”

 

“Yeah, he’s not Mark though,” his Mom commented.

 

“Why do you all keep saying that?”

 

“Who else said that?”

 

“The kids.” His mom laughed. “What?”

 

“They don’t like him, right?”

 

“No…”

 

“It means they want their Appa and Daddy together. I can’t blame them.”

 

“I know,” He looked at his mom, “Why?”

 

“Mark… he made you really, really happy. I told Appa that you both were going to get married one day. Which almost happened. And you make him happy too, I can see it now still. You were both so dynamic and very much meant to be together, like a force to be reckoned with.”

 

“Umma…”

 

“Listen, if you're happy with Jinyoung, then we are both happy for you. **That's all we want.** ”

 

* * *

 

_“I hope your parents will like me,” Mark wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans before smiling at Youngjae and holding his hand._

 

_“If I do, they will too. And I love you.”_

 

_“I love you too.”_

 

_Youngjae knocked on the door before it opened to reveal both his parents._

 

_“Appa, Umma, this is Mark. Mark, these are my parents.”_

 

_“Good evening Mr and Mrs Choi, I'm Mark Tuan, your son's… boyfriend.”_

 

_“Oh you're very handsome! Come in, come in!” His mom invited._

 

_“So what're you studying, Mark?” His dad asked._

 

_“I'm majoring in Business and study Communication as a minor.”_

 

_“Oh wow, how did you guys meet then since Youngjae's studying music?”_

 

_“We bumped into each other during the CCA fair. I…” Mark nervously chuckled, “He caught my attention even-though it wasn't mutual, and right when he walked away, I knew I had to get to know him. But in panic, I blurted out if whether he wanted to go on a date with me.”_

 

_“I said yes!” Youngjae screeched._

 

_“I'm glad he did. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me,” Mark squeezed the younger’s hand, and Youngjae resisted the urge to kiss him senseless._

 

_“So, how will you support Youngjae in the future?” Youngjae's father pursued._

 

_“Appa.”_

 

_“What? It's a legitimate question.”_

 

_“We're only dating, Appa. It's not like we'll get married and have kids in the next year or so.”_

 

_Mark smiled at Youngjae,“It's okay, Youngjae."Looking back at his dad and confidently saying, "I'm planning to start applying for jobs after I finish one of my major ongoing projects, and we'll see how it goes. Rest assured, your son's very safe in my hands.”_

 

_“Do you think you can beat me?” His father challenged Mark in Chinese chess._

 

_“Never hurts to try.”_

 

_“Are you sure? He's unbeaten since he was born,” his mom added._

 

_“Mom, Mark's Chinese. That's his advantageous point,” Youngjae rolled on his eyes._

 

_“Chinese or not, it's the skill,” his Dad pointed out._

 

_Mark smiled at Youngjae before looking at his parents, determined, “I'm 101% sure.”_

 

_He beats Youngjae's dad._

 

_And gets their approval too._

 

_The next time they met was three weeks later - at a gathering at Youngjae's aunties house for the New Year's._

 

_The entire family was there, the house was noisy and there were so many kids running around. Mark was feeling overwhelmed, naturally, as flocks of relatives came up to this new stranger and asking him who he was._

 

_“Youngjae-samchon's boyfriend!” One of Youngjae's nephew's called, running over to him, “Hello. Umma told me about you.”_

 

_“Hello Hyunjin,” Mark kneeled down. Hyunjin was Youngjae's sister's son, and Youngjae talked about him a lot, hence, knowing his name._

 

_“OH MY GOD samchon’s boyfriend knows me name!” Mark giggled at that._

 

_“What's your name?” Hyunjin's eyes widened of curiosity._

 

_“Mark.”_

 

_“Mark hyung! Or Samchon…” the little boy rubbed his chin._

 

_“Whichever one you like better.”_

 

_“Okay!” He giggled, “Hyung.”_

 

_The next thing Youngjae knows Mark was running around, laughing and chasing 7 little children in the backyard, and the former couldn't be happier._

 

* * *

 

“Hi, hyung,” Youngjae said, Mark turning around because he thought the younger was calling for  _him_ but turns out, he was on the phone.

 

“Miss you too… Mhhhmm. Yeah, I like Thai food... Really?... _I really like you too_ ,” He mumbled the last part softly.

 

Mark left the room so Youngjae could have some privacy ( _and so his heart won't break any further)._

 

“Oh Mark! Still awake?” His mom greeted him near the kitchen.

 

“Yeah. I usually sleep at 12.”

 

“Come! I have some leftover mochi I bought at the Japanese market the other day. Let's eat.”

 

Youngjae's mom took a box out of the fridge and guided Mark to the living room where they sat and ate in silence.

 

“Mark… can I ask you a question?”

 

“Of course.” He puts down his mochi.

 

“Do you still love my son?”

 

“Uh…”

 

“Just be honest Mark, I won't tell.”

 

“Uh… yes. I still love Youngjae… _a lot_.”

 

“Mmm, are you trying to win him back?”

 

“I wanted to… but he's… closed off on me. And… he's happy now. With someone else.”

 

“You make him happy too.”

 

Mark sadly chuckled at that, “I really messed up.”

 

“What happened _really?_ I mean, I heard it from Youngjae, now I wanna hear from you.”

 

“We just fought a lot. Ever since I brought up moving. I didn't mean to move after we… but I just thought it was better if I did. Makes the heart break less.”

 

“Fought as in?”

 

“I hit a nerve? I think? Youngjae has gotten more sensitive ever since I had brought up LA, and it was very easy to tick him off. Like a wired bomb, one wrong move and everything explodes… I applied for jobs around LA for fun, got one answer back.. _._ That was the last straw…”

 

* * *

 

_“You applied for a job in the US and you didn't even tell me?!”_

 

_“I didn't think I'd get it! They didn't even call me for an interview,” Mark defended himself._

 

_“But you still applied, Mark!!” Youngjae was shouting now, “You still applied when I told you I didn't want to move to LA!”_

 

_“I applied way before you told me that.”_

 

_“Why were you applying in the first place, huh?! Thought I'd just drop our lives here and move across the world?! Or were you just going to leave me completely?"_

 

_“I'd **never** leave you, you know that. I was just trying my luck. I could never predict what happened. What if you'd say yes to moving?!” _

 

_“You should've known I'd say no! God, how fucking thick-headed can you be?!”_

 

_“Youngjae, can you calm down? I won't take the job.”_

 

_Youngjae took a deep breath, “No. Take it.”_

 

_“What?”_

 

_“Take it, hyung. Take the job.”_

 

_“No. I'm not leaving you.”_

 

_“I don't want you to regret not taking it so just fucking take it!”_

 

_“For fucks sake Youngjae, don't be fucking stubborn. I won't take the job!”_

 

_“Just take it.” Youngjae hits his chest with his fists. “Take the fucking job, Mark!” Another hit and tears start falling. “I don't fucking care if you leave just take it!” Another hit, and another… and another. Mark just takes everything in._

 

_Once Youngjae was satisfied, he wiped his face, “Let's break up.”_

 

_“What?”_

 

_“Mark. We've been fighting way too much. Let's just stop this altogether. Let's call off our engagement and break up.”_

 

_“Youngjae, we can work through this,” Mark begged, tears forming in his own eyes._

 

_“I don't want to anymore, Mark. I'm tired. Tired of fighting and arguing all the time.”_

 

_“You're the one starting them. All because I briefly suggested a move to LA, and we both agreed I'm staying.”_

 

_“It's not just that, Mark… You’ve been lying to me.”_

 

_“Lying, what do you mean?”_

 

_“You told your parents **you wanted this job**. You're telling me now you don’t want it, but your mom called me. And told me.” _

 

_“Told you what exactly?”_

 

_“When you applied for the job. It was because you wanted it, hopefully, it would’ve convinced me to move there. It paid well, I didn’t have to work, and we'd live in a nice house by the beach. You knew what you wanted when you applied for the job, how do you think I found out about it? They were so excited to finally have us in LA... but I didn't even know my _fiancé applied for it. How foolish do you want me to be?!"_ _

 

_“Listen to me,” Mark started calmly, “I applied for this 4 months ago, and yes, maybe I was hoping we could move to LA, that’s why I hinted at it initially. Seeing as you didn’t respond well to it, I forgot about the application. I wanted the job so you can take care of the kids full-time, like you wanted. We can also legally marry there. Yes, it was good and yes, it was what I wanted, but trust me when I say I’m very contented right now. With the job I have, I could probably be promoted in the years coming, sooner or later. I… I forgot about the application and they just emailed saying I got it, I didn’t even respond to it. I… I told my mom all that out of excitement, I just got this amazing idea and opportunity and just went with it. I was going to tell you if you liked the idea of moving, but since you didn’t, I just didn’t say anything. Save us the trouble.”_

 

_“So, you kept something this big from me? Your fiancé, your husband-to-be. If you’ve just be franked with me from the start…”_

 

_“I didn’t know you were extremely adamant on not moving.”_

 

_It stayed silent for a while, both men processing what had just happened, before Youngjae surrendered, “Go, Mark. I don’t want to see you again.” He took off his ring and left it on Mark’s bedside table._

 

_Mark moved out the next day._

 

* * *

 

“People make mistakes, Mark-ya. Doesn’t mean we should lurk in it forever. Just learn from it, get out of it, walk forward and never turn back ever again. You have to forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself, Mark,” His mom spoke softly.

 

Mark had already teared up thinking about the day they broke up, but after what Youngjae’s mom had told him, he couldn’t control it further.

 

**_It’s time to forgive myself._ **

 

And if you looked closely into the darkness, there was a figure sitting on the stairs, listening right into the conversation.

**_-_ **

 

“Appa look! Sooooo many flowers!” Lucy said in awe as she looked ahead at the huge field ahead of her.

 

“Yeah, baby. So many.” He rubbed his daughter’s head, looking over to Lucas and Mark, who were currently juggling a football between them.

 

The family of 4 decided to walk around Mokpo on a little, Mark and the kids having not explored the city yet. There wasn’t much, but the parks are beautiful, and there were definitely a delicious array of seafood here.

 

They settled down at one at lunch, a seafood restaurant where they can cook the food themselves, much to the twins’ excitement and their parents’ worry.

 

“Lucas, be careful.” “Lucy, watch your sleeve.”

 

“Appa? Can I eat this yet?” Lucy pointed to a relatively still raw prawn.

 

“No, baby, we need to wait for it to turn pink.” He flipped the prawn.

 

“Daddy, Appa. We should do this more often.”

 

“Eat seafood?” Mark joked.

 

“No! Like going out together. It’s very **fun** …” Lucas dragged the last word.

 

Mark looked hesitantly at Youngjae, and the younger caught his eyes as well.

 

“ _Why don’t we go to LA next time?_ ” Three pairs of eyes widened at that.

 

“ **APPA** , REALLY?! We can see grandpa and grandma!” Lucy jumped in her seat.

 

“Really. Only if Daddy says okay though,” Youngjae looked at Mark.

 

“Okay… of course it’s _perfectly_ okay. I can show you Daddy’s house,” Mark started, before going on about the twins’ cousins, who they’ve yet to meet and the pool in their house.

 

Youngjae had never seen them all as animated and happy as this before.

 

**One step forward.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes...... hello........ sorry for that.


	7. Breakthrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy v-day <3

“Youngjae, were you serious about LA?” Mark looked over to the other side of the bed where they were both lying down later that night.

 

“Uh… yeah. It’d be nice for the kids, _now_ that they’re older.”

 

“Wow.” Mark breathed.

 

“What?”

 

“I… I never thought that you’d _ever_ suggest that, that’s all.”

 

“I’m a man full of surprises.”

 

“Indeed, you are.”

 

 

“Mark, I want to talk about _that_ night.”

 

The older gulped, “What about it?”

 

“Firstly, I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have made you _leave the kids entirely_.”

 

* * *

 

_“I don’t want you to have any contact with us, especially the kids,” Youngjae ordered as Mark packed all his belongings. Yes, he took the job. He leaves for LA tomorrow._

 

_“Jae..”_

 

_“Don’t call me that.”_

 

_“Why? Why can’t I talk to my own children?”_

 

_“It’s harder like that. On them, when they’re older. So just… it’s better if they don’t remember or know who you are.”_

 

_Mark stood up, voice breaking, “You’re cutting me off like that?”_

 

_“It’s for the best.”_

 

_“Yeah, for you. Me being out of the picture meant that you never have to see me again, ever. You’re so fucking selfish trying to keep me away from OUR kids.”_

 

_“Let’s talk about **selfishness** , shall we?” _

 

_Mark sighed, “I don’t want to fight.”_

 

_“Good,” Youngjae triumphed._

 

_He thought he could do this, Mark really did._

 

_“Let me just see my children one last time.” Youngjae nodded._

 

_Mark reluctantly walked to their room, both children already sleeping in their semi-crib beds._

 

_“Hey… it’s Daddy,” Mark whispered to no one, “Daddy… Daddy has to leave. Daddy… Daddy’s sorry. From tomorrow on, it’ll just be you and Appa, okay? Please take care of each other. You’ll only have each other to depend on, I won’t be here. Daddy’s sorry.” Mark cried, he cried and cried from when he slowly exited their room, from what was once his home too, and away from Youngjae, Lucas and Lucy._

 

_He teared at the motel, in the toilets at the airport, in the plane when everyone was asleep and the lights were dimmed, until he reaches the comfort of his parents’ arms, did he fully breakdown._

 

* * *

 

“You were right. I was selfish too.”

 

Mark hummed.

 

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae mumbled softly.

 

“I.. I've already forgiven you the moment I stepped out of the house that day. Even if you only asked for it 4 years later,” Mark confessed.

 

“I didn’t deserve it then. I don’t deserve it now... How do you forgive so easily?"

 

"No point wallowing in the past," Mark took a deep breath, "It's easy to forgive the mistakes of the ones you love, sometimes. Just forgive and move on."

 

 _ **Unfortunately, all good things had to come to an end.** _The Tuan-Choi family bid Youngjae’s family behind before heading back to Seoul.

 

Mark and Youngjae’s little talk had ended there and then, but it was a small step of progress, and that’s all that mattered to Mark. They decided to stay over at his since they reached Seoul late at night, and Youngjae met Jinyoung the day after for lunch.

 

“How’s the trip?”

 

“It was fun, really fun. The twins really enjoyed getting to hang out with both dads and their grandparents. And I think Mark and I… we're taking steps forward... _I think_."

 

“That’s nice.” Jinyoung seemed a bit down.

 

“Is… anything wrong?”

 

“No… no. To be honest, I was jealous, but it didn’t make sense. You’re both parents to two wonderful children. It makes complete sense for you to get along. It’s good for the kids,” He convinces himself.

 

“Nothing is going on between us.”

 

“ _I know_. Just can’t help it sometimes, you know?”

 

Youngjae placed his left hand over Jinyoung’s right, reassuring him.

 

“I… uh I….” Jinyoung stuttered.

 

“Hyung, you alright?”

 

“I love you.”

 

**_Oh._ **

 

 

“Appa! Missed you!” Lucy hugged her father as soon as he stepped into Mark’s apartment.

 

“I’ve only been gone 3 hours, bub, but I miss you too.”

 

“Okay, kids, grab your bags. You both have school tomorrow,” Mark ordered, and the kids groaned.

 

“Kids, stay in your rooms for a bit. Appa needs to talk to Daddy,” Youngjae called over to the retreating twins.

 

Mark looked at him puzzled, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Jinyoung told me he loves me.”

 

“ _ **Congratulations**_?”

 

“It’s too soon, right? God, we’ve only been dating for 2 months… The kids don’t even _like_ him-” Youngjae blabbered.

 

“Wait, the kids don’t like him?”

 

“Oh. Yeah, they don’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

**_Because Jinyoung isn’t you, and they’re trying to get us back together again._ **

 

“ _I don’t know_. What should I do?” He was panicking, and Mark was the first adult he knew that he’d seen that day, so he was the first victim to suffer Youngjae’s nonsense. Next was Jaebeom.

 

“Uh… you’ve definitely asked the wrong person. We exchanged ‘I love you’s’ when we were only one month into dating,” Mark stated.

 

“Oh. Right. But this is different. The stakes are different. I have kids.”

 

“Well. How do you feel about him?”

 

 

_“I still love Youngjae… a lot.”_

 

_“Mmm are you trying to win him back?”_

 

_“I wanted to… but he's… closed off on me. And… he's happy now. With someone else.”_

 

_“You make him happy too.”_

 

 

“He makes me happy…”

 

“But?”

 

“But… if the kids don’t like him then… it’s ten times more difficult. I can’t date someone my kids would hate.” Well, that was half the truth.

 

“I’m sure the twins will warm up to him.”

 

_“What if they don’t?”_

 

 **Jinyoung** : Did I scare you? I’m sorry.

 

 **Youngjae** : No, no. I was just taken aback, that’s all.

 

 **Jinyoung** : Oh. You don’t have to stay it to me if you’re not ready.

 

 **Youngjae** : Thank you, hyung.

 

 **Jinyoung** : I messed up, didn’t I?

 

 **Youngjae** : Hahaha no hyung. I’ll still hold your hand. Don’t worry.

 

He tries to convince himself that.

-

 

“Hello Lucas, Lucy,” Jinyoung greeted. They were all at the bowling alley so they could bond more.

 

“Hello.” The both greeted simultaneously.

 

“Do you both want the safety bumpers?” He awkwardly asked.

 

“No.”

 

“Oh okay…”

 

Youngjae came in to save the day, “Come kids, we will get snacks while Jinyoung hyung pays, okay?”

 

“I don’t like him, Appa,” Lucy admitted once she was out of earshot.

 

“I know, but can you at least try to be nice? That’s what I taught you right? To be _nice_.”

 

“We are being _nice_ ,” Lucas defended them both.

 

“Well, be nicer. You’re scaring Jinyoung hyung away,” Youngjae kneeled down and faced them, “Appa likes him, okay? So, please give him a chance. For Appa.”

 

They both looked at each other and then looked back, nodding sadly.

 

“I love you both,” Youngjae reminded them.

 

“We love you, too.”

 

“Wow Appa… you're not really good. Hyung should teach you,” Lucas said, pointing to the sad score of Youngjae's 50 to Jinyoung's 81.

 

“I thought so too, should hyung teach Appa how to play?” Jinyoung asked the kids.

 

“Yes! But it's not Appa's turn, so oppa should teach me first,” Lucy stood up.

 

Needless to say, the twins were in awe of Jinyoung’s _superb bowling abilities_ , hitting a strike or spare since they started. They clapped every round, ‘ **Hyung is so good!** ’

 

“Okay Lucy, first you put your right leg to the back like this…”

 

Youngjae watched on fondly, as his boyfriend and daughter play, Lucy miraculously scoring a strike with Jinyoung's help.

 

“Appa! Did you see that! I scored a strike!!” Lucy excitedly screamed, hugging Jinyoung’s side after making sure that Youngjae _did see_ her score.

 

“Congratulations honey. I can't believe my kids are better at it than I am…” Youngjae joked.

 

“Appa just have to practice! Practice makes perfect! We should come here with Daddy next time…” Lucas mumbled towards the end.

 

“We can ask Daddy later, okay?” Youngjae suggested, “It's your turn now bub.”

 

For the rest of the game, everyone had help from Jinyoung, which meant that their scores were the best it could ever be… but Youngjae's was still the worst.

 

Jinyoung suggested burgers for dinner, and _suddenly_ , the twins really, _really_ liked him. They were all over him by the end of the night, Jinyoung using his charms he learnt as a kindergarten teacher on them.

 

“Hyungie! Do you think unicorns are real?” Lucy asked, to which Lucas snorted at.

 

“Your imagination is only as far you'd allow to go. If you believe they're real, then they're real,” Jinyoung smiled.

 

“But do _you_ believe it's real?” Lucy emphasised.

 

Jinyoung puts his hand on his chin, thinking, “I think I may have seen one before…” Lucy squealed.

  
-

Lucas refused to go to sleep without calling Mark, so Youngjae appeased him.

 

“Daddy! We went bowling with Appa and Appa's boyfriend!” Lucas greeted once he saw Mark's face on the screen.

 

“Really? Who won?”

 

“Jinyoungie hyungie did! Appa was last!” Lucas turned to Youngjae and laughed.

 

“Oh wow. I'm not surprised. Appa was always bad at bowling,” Mark chuckled.

 

“Daddy! Are you good?”

 

“I don’t know… Youngjae, was I _good_?” Mark slyly directed it back to him, smirking.

 

“Don't get cocky now, Tuan!” Youngjae retorted back.

 

“Daddy's _great_ , yeah. Appa lost to me every single time, even with the safety bumps.”

 

“Appa! You're so weak! Maybe both Jinyoungie hyungie and Daddy should teach you.”

 

“Where's Lucy?” Mark asked.

 

“She's sleeping already~ Daddy! We also ate burgers. Jinyoungie hyungie bought us BIG burgers. It was so yummy.” He showed Mark how 'big' the burgers were with his hands.

 

“Really? Seems like you really like Appa's boyfriend, huh? Ready to replace me?” Mark playfully pouted, to their son, it was a joke. To Youngjae... not so, there was a bit of bitterness there.

 

“No! No! Daddy will forever be my daddy. No one can replace you.”

 

“Is that so? I'm touched, baby.”

 

“Appa and Daddy forever.”

 

“ _Yeah forever…_ ” Mark looked at Youngjae through the screen.

 

* * *

 

_“Ah fuck… Jae… that feels so good.” Mark gasped as Youngjae swallowed him whole. His tongue worked in miraculous ways, licking every inch of Mark's length, between the slit, around the head before he goes down the entire length again. Mark was definitely above average, so for Youngjae to have easily gone down without gagging, it was absolutely pure bliss for Mark._

 

_They were in a tent at the beach, camping, Mark suggested. As much as Youngjae hated it, Mark had always been following the former around, so it was only right that he followed the older. What was just stargazing turned into a little too much inappropriate touching and now, Youngjae currently had his mouth full._

 

_He popped off, pre-cum falling down his chin as Mark watched him lick it all up with his long tongue before Youngjae dropped the bomb, “Oppa, I want to ride you.”_

 

_“Fuck fuck okay. Yeah, baby.” Youngjae got on top with him and slowly slide himself down onto his length, and once they both gave each other the green light, the younger moved._

 

_“Fuck, fuck fuck. How the hell are you so good at this?”_

 

_“Practice, oppa.”_

 

_“Fuck I'm not about to last long. You make me feel so good fuck.”_

 

_“Oppa, oppa please touch me, please,” Youngjae begged._

 

_As soon as Mark got a grip on Youngjae's length, they picked up their pace, both with their hands and the riding, their main goal at that second was to come._

 

_“Baby, I'm so close…” Mark groaned._

 

_“Fuck, me too… Oppa, oppa, OPPA!” Youngjae came first, and Mark followed soon after. They rode their high for the next few minutes, before the younger collapsed on Mark, obviously tired from the strenuous activity._

 

_“That was cringey, wasn't it.”_

 

_“Yeah it was. I didn't know you had an Oppa kink, hyung.”_

 

_“I didn't either, shit. That's embarrassing.”_

 

_“It's okay, I'll still kiss you.” And he did._

 

_“I can't believe we had sex in the middle of the woods.”_

 

_“I can. Have you not realised how kinky we are?” Youngjae smirked against his chest._

 

_“I have… but I never thought we'd discover our Oppa kink on a $100 tent.” They both chuckled._

 

_“Hyung, do you think we'll last forever?”_

 

_“Now, who's cringey?”_

 

_“It's sappy, I know. We've always talked about growing up old together, having kids, getting married… But is that all possible?”_

 

_“Of course it is. We're adults, we can work shit out together when it comes, inevitably. And we love each other. A lot. I think we can make it.”_

 

_“I really, really love you, hyung. You make me happy.”_

 

_“I really, really, really love you too. Mark and Youngjae forever.”_

 

_Youngjae smacked him, “Cringey. But I think MarkJae sounds better. MarkJae forever.”_

 

* * *

 

Youngjae cleaned around the house after Lucas fell asleep. He was _pretty distracted_ since his son had mentioned _that_.

 

It was like he knew that was their promise _that night_ and that got Youngjae frustrated. He was reminded that life was pretty much _less_ stressful before Mark came. And with Mark's homecoming, came Youngjae's memories he had long forgotten.

 

Or attempted to forget.

 

It's unfair. He really did try to bury them 6 feet under the ground, and Mark came home to personally dug them up. It's unfair that Mark seems unfazed by it all.

 

_**It's unfair that he looked like he had moved on, and Youngjae hasn't.** _


	8. Moving On

**_‘Mark, pick up. Pick up.’_ **

 

“Youngjae?”

 

“They're moving us out.”

 

“What?”

 

“The company that owns this building… They want to demolish this building to make space for a new one.”

 

“How long do you have?”

 

“1 month.”

 

“What the hell?” That was _very_ last minute.

 

“I know, so I need to look for a new house soon and I need you to hook me up with the realtor-”

 

“Stay here.”

 

“What?”

 

“Move in into my house. There's enough space for everyone, and it's much less of a hassle.”

 

“No… Mark.”

 

“Why not? Youngjae, it's almost impossible to find a suitable house, pack and move all at the same time in one month. You don't need to put yourself and the kids through all that, when you have a readily available house right here. It's still near to your school and even _nearer_ to your studio.”

 

“Mark… I'm with Jinyoung now.”

 

“So? We're parents to the _same_ kids, for _fuck’s sake_ , Youngjae. Not everything surrounds you and your relationship. I'm suggesting this for the sake of the children.”

 

“I have to ask him first.”

 

“Yes, go and ask your boyfriend _first_ and put your children _second_.”

 

“Mark. It's not like that-” And the older hung up.

  


“You're alright with it?” Youngjae asked.

 

“Of course, it makes sense. It'll cause less stress to you and the kids. Besides, you can now spend time with the kids much more again, just like you wanted," Jinyoung reassured through the phone.

 

“You're not… _upset_?”

 

“Should I be?”

 

“Yeah…? Mark and I will be living under the same roof.”

 

“So? You both have different rooms, right? I trust you, and you’re both adults. You both would know what’s right and wrong. There’s nothing to be worried about.”

 

“Yeah we do… Okay, I'll tell Mark okay…”

  


**_So… was he the only one worried?_ **

_Why was he panicking in the first place?_

_Why was no one panicking?_

_Youngjae would be living in the same house as his ex, for goodness sake._

_Shouldn't Jinyoung be worried? Why wasn't he?_

_Neither men made it sound like it's a big deal at all._

_So, why was Youngjae making it seem like it is?_

_Oh God._

  


“Youngjae.” Oops, he hadn't realise that he had already dialled Mark.

 

“Okay, we'll move in.”

 

**_Two steps forward (but to Youngjae, it felt like he was going backward)._ **

  
-

“Kids… Daddy and I have something to tell you.”

 

The kids gathered curiously.

 

“We’re all moving to Daddy’s house,” Youngjae tried to say it as nonchalantly as he could.

 

“Are you lying to us?” Lucy accused.

 

“No, why would we be?” Mark confused.

 

“Why ‘r we moving then?” Lucas asked.

 

“Because… the people who owns this building… wants to make a new one. So the house will be gone.”

 

What both parents expected was their children cheering and hugging each other because they were finally going to be in one house.

 

What they don’t expect is them tearing up and whining about how they didn’t want to move.

 

“I don’t understand… why are you both crying?” Mark asked, wiping the tears on their faces gently.

 

“We **_love_ **this house!” Lucy cried more.

 

“But… we'll be together in one house now,” Youngjae compromised.

 

“But but… we grew up here…” Lucas sniffed.

 

“Yes you did. You grew up here and we made a lot of memories right?”

 

“Yeah…” The twins mumbled.

 

“We can make more at Daddy's house.”

 

“Yeah,” Mark added, “Now that we are all in one house… we can make more  _together_.”

 

Lucy sniffed, “Yeah…”

 

“Come ‘ere,” Youngjae opened his arms and they both dove in immediately, making Mark feel left out.

 

“Daddy, here!” Lucas reached out, and Mark joined, slowly putting his arm around Youngjae too, hesitantly but surely. The younger forced himself to allow it, he didn't want to make it seem like a big deal, and suddenly, they were all 4 in an awkward but extremely comforting hug.

  


Both Mark and Youngjae took 2 days off to pack everything and settle the furniture. Mark was _right_ , it was definitely less stressful not worrying about having to buy another house and moving everything ther, amongst other things. Now, they just have to sell them.

 

“Wow… You still kept this?” Mark held up the God-forsaken mat they were fucking on when they were camping the weekend after they'd both finished their exams.

 

“Yeah, thought there would be future use or something.”

 

Right, repacking everything meant digging up tangible memories. Great.

 

Just as he thought about that, he pulled up an entire photo album.

 

Mark saw it, “Is that…?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah it is.”

 

_**Humble Abode of the Tuan-Choi Residences.** _

 

_Youngjae came up with the name. He wanted something classy and ‘professional-sounding’._

 

_The albums contained pictures of every memory (they could capture) they had made in the home. Their first selca in the house. The first time Mark cooked dinner. The first time Youngjae cooked dinner. The first night they finally got air-conditioning after saving up for so long._

 

Yes even that.

 

_The first picture they'd taken of the twins. Their first family picture. The first night they were put in their own cribs. Their first steps. Their smiles. Their first solid food. Their first toy. Their first lemon experience._

 

_And right at the beginning, there's a picture of them kissing on their bed. Yep, just the both of them._

* * *

 

 

“Youngjae.” The younger of the two hadn't realise he had teared up. He wiped his tears and avoided looking at Mark, placing the album in the ‘TO BE KEPT’ pile.

 

The older out of the crossed the room and picked it up, flipping through it.

 

“I can't believe you still have it…” Mark commented, looking at the picture of all 4 of them.

 

“Of course, they're memories after all.”

 

“Wow… the air-con… And Lucy's face when she took the lemon slice on her own…”

 

Youngjae chuckled sadly, “Yeah, we made a lot of memories here…”

 

_Youngjae didn't want to ask himself this… but he couldn't help it._

 

_What if Mark hadn't left? They would have definitely made more memories here together…_

 

“We should take a picture altogether as a family again, like… **_the last picture for the road_** … kinda thing.”

 

“Yeah, yeah we should. That'd be nice,” Youngjae agreed.

 

* * *

 

_“Hyung… they're really so cute…” Youngjae cooed at the small little bundle of joy in his arms._

 

_“Yeah they are…” Baby Lucas looked up at Mark with huge eyes, gurgling at the blurry image in front of him. Mark places a finger in his little hand, that grabbed it tightly like his life depended on it._

 

_Mark and Youngjae were considered really lucky. The latter caught a big break right when he graduated, and got himself a job at one of the biggest agencies in Korea. Mark also landed an office job, and from two struggling undergraduates, they earned more than they ever thought the would in a short span of 2 years. At that point of time, they had already been dating around 6 years when they moved into a bigger apartment with kids in mind. Youngjae was earning quite a bit from royalties with his many, many songs that became hits. Mark also promoted to a manager and they both badly wanted kids. The next day after they decided they were 100% and as ready as they could be, they bought open-dated flight tickets to LA, determined to bring home another family member._

 

_They stayed in LA for about two weeks, only to be told the process would take years because of the long list of applicants. They had expected it, and although they didn't come home with one, they knew it was due time they will._

 

_To their surprise, they got a call 6 months later, asking whether they were willing to adopt baby twins._

 

_“Their mom liked your profile, and the applicants before you both are unable to take in twins. So, if you're up for it, you and the mom can meet and talk.”_

 

_They bought tickets to LA as the call ended._

  


_“Hi, I'm Miranda. Nice to meet you both.”_

 

_“Hi, I'm Mark and this is my boyfriend, Youngjae.” They shook hands._

 

_“I looked at your profile, you've been dating for 6 years?”_

 

_“Almost 7.”_

 

_“Are you planning to get married?”_

 

_They both looked at each other, Mark answered, “Yes, we've talked about it. When the time permits, and is legalised, of course, we'll get married in Korea.”_

 

_“Oh that's great!”_

 

_Miranda was knocked up by her ex, who upon hearing she's pregnant, flaked, and she knew she couldn't raise them on her own._

 

_“I'm very willing to give them up, kids weren't part of my plan and if I have the reassurance that my kids would grow up in a nice family, that's the very best thing I could give them.”_

 

_She didn't want any contact with them, claiming that she's a ‘Leave the past behind to move on’ person and with that, they flew back 4 months later to bring home not just one, but two babies; the first born named Lucas, and the one born 6 minutes later, Lucy._

 

_“I love them so much, hyung. And you too. We will be the best fathers to them.”_

 

_“Yes, we will.”_

 

* * *

 

“Everyone! The camera's right there, ready? 1, 2…”

 

 **CLICK**.

 

Only 50 minutes later did they get the perfect photo, Mark driving to the printing shop to have it printed and placed in the photo album. The remaining 3 were both looking at it when he came back.

 

“Daddy look at my face!” Lucy imitated the photo she's pointing at, of her grimacing when she took a bite of the lemon.

 

“Very cute then, still very cute now,” Mark pinches her cheeks. He gave the photo to the kids, who followed Youngjae's instructions of ‘putting it in gently’.

 

And there and then, the album was complete.

 

-

 

Youngjae took in his new room, sighing as he settled down. He never thought he'd end up here, but the world worked in mysterious ways, and he was sure fate was currently laughing at him.

 

Someone knocked on the door.

 

“Come in.”

 

That someone was Mark.

 

“If… if you wanna change anything in your room, feel free too.”

 

“Yeah okay.”

 

“I was thinking… we could print a large picture of us, frame it, and place it outside. I've always thought the wall space above the sofa was very sparse.”

 

“Oh. Yeah sure, it's your house.”

 

“No. It's our house now. This is your home.”

 

“Doesn't feel like it,” Youngjae hesitated, “Yet.”

 

“Oh okay. Yeah, I'll… I'll go get it printed now…”

 

“Okay.”

 

One step… **_forward_ **?

  


“I LOVE IT!!!” Lucy screeched as soon as she saw the huge frame the next day.

 

“I'm glad you love it, sweetheart. Come eat dinner,” Mark nudged her.

 

“How was school?” Youngjae asked and he played food on the children's plates.

 

“Fun! We learnt basic math today,” Lucas answered.

 

“And after, we played handball outside! My team won and Lucas’ lost!” Lucy stuck out her tongue, her brother following suit and inevitably starting a tongue war.

 

“Kids, stop playing around food,” Youngjae scolded.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Okay, now that we're all together. The rules still apply from Appa's home to Daddy's home. Okay? Which means, no shoes in the house, you still have to clean your own rooms, your own plates, and Coco, amongst other things. Understand?”

 

“Yeah, understood,” the twins nodded.

 

“So, is this our home now too?” Lucas piped up.

 

“Of course. It's your home now too,” Mark supplied.

 

“Then why did Appa call it Daddy's home? It's your home now too, Appa.”

 

“I'm just differentiating between the two homes,” Youngjae answered.

 

“Oh. Now _this_ home is _our_ home," Lucy said.

 

“Yeah… _our home,”_ Youngjae mumbled.

  


 

“Hi babe,” Jinyoung greeted.

 

“Hey,” Youngjae deeply sighed.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Did I make the wrong decision?”

 

“What? Moving into Mark's house?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why would you think that?”

 

“It feels _wrong._ I'm dating you… and… just staying with the ex… It feels dirty.”

 

“Why? Because of me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You don't have to worry, I'm not bothered by that.”

 

“Shouldn't you be though?”

 

“Why?”

 

“I'm staying with my ex…”

 

“Like I said. I trust you, and you're both adults. You'll know mistakes when you make them, and I trust you and him enough to be mature and responsible of yourselves.”

 

He sighed again, “Must've been a war hero or something in the past to deserve you like this.”

 

“So cheesy,” Jinyoung chuckles.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“There's nothing to be-”

 

“No. Not for that. But for… for not saying _it_ … back?”

 

“Don't worry about that. I really understand.”

 

_**“Must've really been a war hero in my past life.”** _

  


Youngjae had the next day off since he didn't have any urgent pending jobs and _now,_ he can actually work from home. Thanks to Mark.

 

He cleaned around the house, it was the least he could do for Mark for being so generous. He started with his room, and worked downwards, and the next thing he knew, he was in Mark's room. He's never been here.

 

He looked around and saw that this room was really _Mark._

From the furniture, to how neat the cupboards were (which was left open, and he had to close them because he felt like he was invading his privacy), how clean his room was and how, contrary to his own room, they weren't many small figurines, bottles or personal belongings lying around messy.

 

There were tho 4 photo frames he hung up. One was of his entire family, one was just the kids smiling really near to the camera, one was the most recent picture they'd taken as a family and… Oh.

 

It's a picture of the both of them. Just them both, a selca of themselves the night Mark proposed, with rings on their fingers and beaming faces in one frame.

 

* * *

 

_“Hyung… where are you bringing me?”_

 

_“Don't worry, Jae.”_

 

_“Of course I'm worrying, I'm wearing a blindfold for God's sake!”_

 

_They had managed a night off from the kids, who by then, had been staying with them for around a year already. Youngjae's sister was in town to babysit for them, so they can finally have a long overdue date._

 

_But it wasn't just any ordinary date._

 

_“Okay, you can take off your blindfold now.”_

 

_Youngjae hurriedly loosened the cloth and immediately became speechless._

 

_“Hyung…”_

 

_They were standing at the very place they met, right where they bumped into each other. Unlike the usual sparse empty floor, it was replaced by rose petals and lit candles, all arranged nicely in a circle. They were both now standing in the circle._

 

_“Hyung… this is cliche as fuck.”_

 

_“I know. But… we are full of cliches, aren't we?” Youngjae nodded at that._

 

_“And uh… I know I'm not good at words… But uh, you usually make up for it… I don't think you know what's going on so I don't think you can make up for this… Uh…”_

 

_“Mark, you don't have to tell me something I don't already know. Just say it.”_

 

_Mark widened his eyes before quickly going on one knee and pulling out a velvet box, shaking really badly._

 

_“Will you marry me, please?”_

 

_Youngjae gasped. He had expected this. But when it really happens, then it **hits** you._

 

_“Definitely.” Youngjae took a deep breath and smiled, hopefully to ease the other's tensions. 'Finally,' he thinks._

 

_Mark smiled at that, and he goes to remove the ring, putting down the box and holding out his left hand to take Youngjae's right into his._

 

_As he goes to, very shakily, put the ring onto Youngjae's calm hand and…_

 

_He dropped it._

 

_“Shit. Sorry, really sorry.” Mark scurried to quickly pick it up, only to **drop** it again. “Fuck.” _

 

_“Mark, Mark. Relax. There's no rush, I'm right here, I won't leave you.” Youngjae leaned down and put his arms around the other to calm him down, but Mark just started shaking more. Youngjae pulled away and saw that Mark was crying._

 

_“Baby, why are you crying?” Youngjae hurriedly wiped his tears away._

 

_“I'm just happy, I'm really happy.”_

 

_“I'm very happy too. Don't cry, please. Or I'll cry too.”_

 

 _“Okay, okay.” Mark sniffed and took deep breaths, before taking the ring from the floor and_ **_finally,_ ** _putting it on Youngjae's finger._

 

_“I love you.” “I love you too.”_

 

* * *

 

“Youngjae?” Mark called inside the house.

 

The younger quickly stood up from the bed in shock, in turn **dropping** the frame, which he unconsciously removed from the wall when reminiscing. _Of course, it **broke**. _And _of course_ , Mark was able to locate clearly the source of the sound, which led him to his own room.

 

Youngjae looked up with large eyes, “I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to be here…” He sniffed.

 

“Are you alright? Don't move, I'll get the broom and pan.” Mark disappeared, to appear 2 minutes later with said objects, and quickly swept up the glass shards, constantly reminding the younger not to move.

 

Youngjae picked up the remains of the frame, looking down and refusing to look at the other, “I'll get you a new one. I'm sorry. It's rude for me to be here.”

 

“It's alright, I'll get one myself. I'm just glad you're okay.”

 

“Okay…” Youngjae took a deep breath, “Okay. Bye. Sorry.”

 

“Wait. Why were you holding this?” Mark held up the frame.

 

Youngjae looked back, “Just… memories.”

 

“So, I assumed you saw that?” He pointed to a frame right at his bedside, which Youngjae hasn't gotten to ‘ **explore** ’ yet because of the _distraction._ He spun around, only to see what he very, _very_ least expected to see.

 

“That's...  _me_.” It was a picture of Youngjae in his graduation gown, just him alone. Mark had wanted to take capture that because he thought the younger looked handsome and adorable in the gown.

 

“Yeah. Surprised? You think I was going to throw you away?” He took out his phone, showing the younger clearly his lock screen.

 

**_He was done. Done hiding._ **

 

It was a picture of Youngjae with the newborn twins during their first week in Seoul.

 

This was all too _overwhelming, it was too much._ “What… what do you want from me, Mark?”

 

“I just wanted to show you… that you shouldn't be surprised by how much of **_you_ **I still hold on to. I'm glad you moved on Youngjae, but I haven't. So… so, if you see any other of your things here… just. It's just… I haven't gotten over you.”

 

“Why… are you telling me all of this?” At this point, Youngjae was on the verge of tears.

 

“Because… I'm **done pretending** I don't love you. I'll still be in love with you as much as I did before, more so now, even if you're married off to someone else,” Mark sighed. “You need to know this, even if nothing else happens. I'm _very_ tired of concealing my feelings, it isn’t easy seeing you with someone else but... This is _me_. Mark Tuan. Still in love with his ex even after 4 years of separation.” Mark walked towards his dresser and grabbed a key, “Forgot this. I'm going back to the office now. Have a nice day.”

 

Mark doesn't come back home that night.

 

‘Overtime.’ His text had said.

 

But he was doing what Youngjae had been doing this entire time.

 

 _**Avoiding** _.

-  


“Babe, you okay?” Jinyoung asked to a daydreaming Youngjae. They were _finally_ on a date after all the moving in and the settling down. It was just coffee but… it was _something_.

 

“Yeah… Just thinking.”

 

He needed to do _it_. He needed to do _this_. He **needed** it.

 

“Everything okay at home?” Jinyoung asked.

 

“I… yeah… But I… I'm sorry to do this but… **_I need a break_**.” Youngjae looked at him with teary eyes.

 

“Hey, why are you crying?” Jinyoung asked gently. “I understand if you need a break.”

 

“But… why are you always so… understanding? Why don't you get mad? You should be pissed at this point. I would be, if I were you.”

 

“Because… I understand where you're coming from. Well, more of, I understand where _Mark_ would be coming from. I've been there.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He still loves you, doesn't he?”

 

Youngjae nodded, the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

 

“I need to confess something then. Before you… Before you, there was someone else. His name is _Yugyeom_. We just… We _really_ loved each other. We even promised to die for each other once upon a time,” Jinyoung chuckled. “Life's cruel though. His parents found out about our relationship and uh… he got snatched away from me so _suddenly_. I couldn't call him, text him, even _Facebook message_ him… When I went over to his house, the entire family was gone. It was like they never existed," Jinyoung recited solemnly.

 

“Wow. I'm so sorry.”

 

“Don't be. I love you, Youngjae. But deep inside, just like Mark, there will always be a lot of love to get over from our very first love. I love you... but it'll never amount to the way Mark loves you. And probably, vice versa. Heck, you were both _engaged._ I want to hate Mark, trust me, I tried. But… he moved all the way back here for you and the kids. That's some sacrifice there.”

 

“Definitely think he came back _just_ for the kids.”

 

“Well, you know he still loves you, so he must’ve confessed one way or another.”

 

Youngjae looked down at that, playing aimlessly with his cup.

 

Jinyoung chuckled, _“I think…”_

 

* * *

 

_“Come on kiddo, it’s bedtime,” Mark went into Lucas’ room to tuck him._

 

_“Daddy,” He whispered, “Daddy. I have to tell you something.”_

 

_“What is it?”_

 

_“Daddy…” Lucas leaned in, “ **Appa and Jinyoungie hyungie broke up.** ” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so many things happened lmfaoooo 
> 
> and sorry about breaking 2young up,,, early ??????? but it's time for the story to progress on! i don't fancy/ feel comfortable writing any 'cheating' scenes or jealousy ones where jinyoung punches mark or sumn because that's not them irl!!!! i want to keep them nice in this story LOL
> 
> <3


	9. Laying It All Out

_“I think…we need more than a break.”_

 

_“What do you mean?”_

 

 _“I think… we’re both… distracted in this relationship. I have a lot of love to give… but I think I need to step back myself. Thinking about you and Mark… it brings back my_ **_old_ ** _memories. The same ones I’ve been trying to bury deep under the ground. It just keeps coming back… and you both remind me of them… I need a stop button for all this.” Jinyoung stopped for a breather. “And you need more space than a break to think about all this. I don’t want me to be a factor of any of your decisions that you’ll make, for yourself or for your kids. We should just… go on our own ways, and if life brings us back together then… so be it.”_

 

_“So… you want to break-up?”_

 

_“I don’t want to pull you back Youngjae-ah.”_

 

_“You’re not.”_

 

_“I think we’d really appreciate the space, especially you.”_

 

_Youngjae sighed, he thought so too._

  


_“Wait, did you say your ex was **Yugyeom**?” _

 

_“Yeah, why?”_

 

_“I had a classmate named Yugyeom… he was my project partner actually. Disappeared out of the blue one day during senior year. And the next thing I knew, my lecturer assigned me to another person because my previous partner dropped out to return to Jeju.”_

 

_“Wait, what did he look like?”_

 

_“Tall, slim, funny, whiny, and his hair…” Youngjae laughed, “It reminds me of a coconut.”_

 

_“Wait, you were the partner that could sing well?”_

 

_“I guess…”_

 

_There was a glimpse of hope in Jinyoung’s eyes, “So… Jeju?”_

 

_“You can start there, yeah.”_

 

_“Youngjae, thank you.”_

 

_“Thank you too, hyung.”_

 

* * *

 

“Lucas told me you and Jinyoung broke up,” Mark stated as he walked out and Youngjae was cleaning up around the living room.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I… we ended... amicably.”

 

“Oh.” Mark stood there awkwardly, making Youngjae uncomfortable.

 

“Just spit it out, Mark.”

 

“Is it because of me?”

 

“Uh. No. We both have… different… we’re just both different.”

 

“Different? In what?”

 

Youngjae sighed, _too many questions_ , “Just different okay, Mark? Take it as it is.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Anything else?” Youngjae asked, with a slightly annoyed tone.

 

“I…”

 

“Mark.”

 

The older looked down, “Is there any chance… uh, for us?”

 

“I… I don’t know, Mark. **I really don’t**.”

 

 _‘Hey, at least it’s not a straight-out No, right?’_ Mark thought.

 

**One step forward.**

  
  
  


Youngjae didn’t know how he ended up here… in front of Mark. At a very nice restaurant for lunch.

 

“Thanks for coming.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“So um… how's… life?” Mark asked, also unsure of himself at that question.

 

“Just… chaotic… like calm chaotic.”

 

“Oh. I can't blame you,” Mark nervously chuckled.

 

They were saved by their waiter and ordered their food - Youngjae opting for spicy Chinese beef noodles while Mark settled with fried seafood noodles, ordering some spring rolls as a side.

 

“So, the kids go on holidays soon. Do you have anything in mind?” Mark asked, seeing that their children is the only common topic they had.

 

Youngjae looked up… and said the last thing Mark could ever think of, “Should we bring them to LA?”

 

Of course, the Chinese widened his eyes, “Oh… are you sure? I thought you forgot about that.”

 

“Yeah…” Youngjae hesitated, “Yeah, I think they'd really like that. It's been too long since their grandparents seen them anyway.”

 

“Youngjae… thank you.”

 

“I'm doing this only because I sort of promised the kids.”

 

“I'm still really grateful, thank you.” Their food came not long after, and they continued discussing the trip. It was only two weeks in LA, since Youngjae had a new project coming up soon, and Mark’s peak period is coming after too.

 

“The weather's perfect, we can go to the beaches, the markets will all be open. It'll be great, you'll all enjoy it.”

 

“Yeah, will you be staying with your parents? I'll book a hotel near your house so it's easier for us to travel.”

 

“No!” Mark accidentally raised his voice to which the other's eyes widened. “No. Just stay with us. My family. We have more than enough space.”

 

“Are you sure…? The kids can stay with you then… I'll just stay in a hotel.”

 

“Youngjae. You've been to my house before, we could fit an entire army there,” He paused, “You can have your own room.”

 

“Don't your parents… hate me? I mean with what I did…”

 

Mark chuckled, “That's why you're worried about? They miss you. A lot.”

 

“Really?” Youngjae softened, he felt guilty suddenly.

 

“Yeah. The nieces ask for you sometimes, in the first year when I came back.”

 

“Oh. Okay. If that’s okay then… yeah. We will stay at your house.”

 

That’d be fun.

 

 

They should have really expected this. Two 6-year-olds screaming their hearts out once they were told they were going to travel out.

 

They did, kind of. But oh boy, can two kids _scream_.

 

“All of us are going, right??” Lucy wanted to make sure.

 

“Yes, all 4 of us are,” Mark stated.

 

“And we’re all staying in the same house?” Lucas asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

The two kids were strong too, pulling everyone in for a group hug. Mark and Youngjae’s faces were naturally up against each other, and it was **_so fucking awkward_ **.

 

When they pulled away, Youngjae quickly excused himself. It was _suddenly_ all too overwhelming for him, just the thought of going to LA and seeing Mark’s family after more than 4 years made his insides want to come out. He couldn’t breathe thinking how he was supposed to face Mark's parents after what happened to the both of them.

 

There was a knock on the door.

 

“Appa, can we come in?” Lucy asked softly, peeking into the room.

 

“Yeah, of course.” At that, both kids came in and quickly jumped onto Youngjae and engulfed him in another hug.

 

“Oh, what’s up?”

 

“Appa… thank you.” Lucas pulled away.

 

“What for?”

 

“We know… it’s not been easy for you? Especially since you and Jinyoungie hyung broke up and now we’re going to LA with Daddy… We know you’re doing it for us,” Lucy said.

 

“Wah… how do you both know so much, huh?”

 

“We’re smart, Appa.” Lucy giggled, causing the other two to giggle too.

 

“We love you, Appa. Thank you,” Lucas sincerely said.

 

“You’re welcome, and I love you too. Both, so much.” He kissed both the top of their heads, all three not noticing the extra pair of eyes looking over them.

  
-

 

“Daddy! Look it!” Lucas proudly showed Mark his passport. He hasn’t actually seen it since Mark has never traveled with the children (apart from bringing the newborns home), so it was his first time seeing the kids’ passport photos.

 

“Aigoo~ So cute, what happened?” Mark joked, making Lucas pout, and retreating to his other father.

 

“See mine!” Lucy showed. In all honesty, their photos were extremely adorable, with their chubby cheeks, and post-crying faces, but Mark loved to joke with them anyway.

 

“You’re both really adorable,” Mark ruffled her hair before leading them all to the business class lines.

 

“Mark, this is the wrong queue,” Youngjae stated, already pulling Lucas to the other line.

 

“Jae, wait. This the right line. Trust me.” He doesn’t, and he badly wanted to point out that ‘ _No, you can’t call me Jae_.’ but followed his lead since it was already their turn.

  


 

“So, to confirm: 2 kids meal and you specifically requested to all sit together?”

 

“Yeap,” Mark answered.

 

“Okay, the seats will be in the middle since the window seats are for one only.” A few clicks here and there, they all had their boarding passes and complimentary lounge access in their hands.

 

“I’m never letting you book anything again,” Youngjae stated once the kids wandered by themselves at the lounge buffet.

 

“Why? I just wanted the most comfortable seats for my family.”

 

 _‘We’re not family anymore,’_ he wanted to say, but he promised he’d try now. So, he is.

 

“Well, now I feel bad. So, thanks.” Youngjae stood up and walked away. Mark chased after him and is about to apologise when he saw the smile on the other’s face.

 

“Wait, so you're not upset?”

 

“That… would’ve been my natural reaction but… I’m trying. Trying to try… Yeah, so don’t worry. Really.” Youngjae remembered Mark needed a lot of reassurance back when they were dating, so he showed that he was really sincere about what he said.

 

“Okay, I won’t. Let’s go take some food.”

  


They finally arrived LA after 12 hours, the kids expectedly sleepy by the end of it, even after both parents forced them to sleep. Both dads were forced to carry either kids as they walked out into the arrival hall, and was readily greeted by Mark’s family; his parents, siblings, in-laws and nieces.

 

“Yien! You’re here!” His mom cheered, quickly giving him a big hug around him and Lucy. Everyone greeted Mark first while Youngjae hid behind Mark. His hiding spot didn’t last long though, and soon, everyone looked at him before Mark’s second sister broke the ice and gave Youngjae a hug too. Everyone followed suit, but his parents went last. Youngjae was sure he’s going to get scolded, or something.

 

“It’s been a long time, Youngjae. Welcome home,” his father had said, before they both hugged him. Youngjae had to fight back his tears.

 

They soon arrived at the Tuan residences, and he was soon settled in his own room - right in the middle of both kids and Mark. He’d never thought he’d ever come back here, but he didn’t want to deprive his children and Mark’s parents of each other, it wasn’t fair on his kids. They were still Mark’s children too, it wouldn’t be morally right of him. Since they’d reach early in the morning, and Youngjae wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t tired, he’d decided to take a nap.

 

“APPA!” Lucas spreads his arms on his chest to wake him up, while Lucy gently tapped his face.

 

“Wake up! Grandma wants to bring us out to In ‘N Out!” Youngjae groaned, before sitting up and carrying both kids with him, pinning them down on the bed. They both screamed and laughed, begging their Appa to stop tickling them and let them go. He did eventually but brought them out to Mark.

 

“I don't feel well. You guys go ahead without me.”

 

“Are you alright?” Mark asked, and the twins quickly checked Youngjae's forehead.

 

“I'm fine, just nauseous. I'll rest for today, is that okay?”

 

“Of course, I'll tell mom. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

 

“No, thank you.” Mark nodded and pulled the twins away with him. Youngjae went the other way and dropped face-down on his bed, and soon, he was snoring.

 

A few hours later when Youngjae was much more awake and had taken a shower, he leaves the comforts of his room to get some water. He regretted telling Mark he didn't want anything, because he was _hungry._

 

“Youngjae.” Youngjae jumped at that.

 

“Oh Mark, you scared me. I thought you were still out.”

 

“Um, I know you said you didn't want anything but I got you… uh the um… the set you like. Number 2, with the Neapolitan milkshake.” _That was Youngjae's favourite, he remembered._

 

“Oh. Thanks.” He takes the bag and sat in the dining room, quickly opening it up. Scratch that, he was _starving._

 

“Uh. Can I sit with you?”

 

Youngjae looked up, “It's your house.” Mark sat across him.

 

“We were thinking of bringing the kids to the beach tomorrow.”

 

“Yep, that's fine.” Youngjae nodded.

 

Mark saw him swallowing down the burger fast, “Hungry?”

 

“Um,” Youngjae wiped his mouth, “Yeah.”

 

“Glad I got you the burger then. I knew you were going to be hungry.”

 

“Thanks.” _He knows you best, remember?_

-

 

“Whoa, Appa look! There are people surfing! Can I surf too?” Lucas asked.

 

“If Daddy wants to teach you, yeah.” Lucas looks at Mark hopefully.

 

Mark pretends to ponder a little, putting his hand on his chin, “Hmmm, you’re still a little too young… but I guess I can show you a bit.” He pulled Lucas away after making sure Lucy didn’t want to join before Youngjae stopped him.

 

“Mark, get life jackets.” The older nodded and went to the booth to rent some.

 

Lucy sat down beside Youngjae and took out her colouring books.

 

“Grandma bought me new ones!” She happily showed off.

 

“Did you thank her?” Youngjae reminded, and Lucy nodded. He turned to Mark's mom and smiled at her as gratitude and she smiled back.

 

“Feeling better?” She asked.

 

“Yeah. Thank you.”

 

“How have you been? Haven't seen you in years.” _Literally._

 

“Great, the kids… they're great. How about you, Mrs Tuan?”

 

“Mrs Tuan? Even though you and Mark aren't together anymore, you can still call me Mom, only if you want to.”

 

Youngjae hesitated. “Okay… _Mom_.” He said slowly and smiled.

 

“You've been well? How's work?”

 

“Work's been great. I've had more say in the songs we make, and I get to directly supervise the singers…” He felt bad, he hadn't asked her how's she been. “How about you… Mom?”

 

“I've been great. Just have been missing my 3rd son very deadly.”

 

_3rd…? It's Mark, Josh…? Mark has another brother?_

 

“It's you, Youngjae.”

 

Oh.

 

“ _Mom…_ **I'm so sorry**.”

 

“Nothing to be sorry for. You were both young, figuring yourselves out. And that's just part of the process.”

 

“I'm still… even if Mark and I aren't together, I still should've called you. That was the least I should do… Call you and let you talk to your grandchildren too.”

 

“Water under the bridge, honey. But why didn't you call us?”

 

“I… I was scared. I thought you'd… all not like me after what happened, but I shouldn't have been so selfish and deprive you both the kids and the family…” Youngjae looked down ashamed.

 

“It's fine, Youngjae. We may not understand you completely, but we're just very, very glad that you'd want to come here with the kids. That's all we'd ask.”

 

_Oh God, Youngjae was going to puke with guilt. If that's a thing, that is._

 

Looking ahead, Youngjae sees Mark putting Lucas on a foam board and helped him balance on it. His son kept falling down, but when he got back up, he was laughing. It was heartening to see his son smile like that, and he can't help but smile along.

 

“He still loves you, you know?” Youngjae tried to ignore that, he really did.

 

“Oh we know, grandma. Daddy tells us that everytime,” Lucy piped up, saying it all nonchalantly while colouring the penguin on her book, like what she said didn't affect Youngjae at all.

 

“Really?” Mark's mom asked.

 

“Yeah. He always says that he loves me, he loves Lucas, and he loves Appa.”

 

“Wow.” Mark's mom turned back to Youngjae, “When he's back in LA, he has never been on dates. Torrey and Gina tried to set him up on dates, Josh too, sometimes. But he refused. Don't tell him I tell you this but...”

 

“Hold on,” Youngjae sniffed, tears threatening to fall every second, “Lucy, go with Daddy.”

 

“But-”

 

He sterned, “ _Now_.” Lucy runs off to the ocean.

 

Once he deemed it was safe enough to talk, he looked back to Mark's mom.

 

“He always told me that it'll always be you. That no one else can be his other half since he already found his. And lost, of course. He regrets… everything,” She paused. “Every night he stares at the photo album he made of you three. When… when he came back the very first time, he couldn't work for 2 months. He was just crying and crying, and then, one day, he stopped. Went to the printing shop and printed so many pictures of you and the kids… over the years, it accumulated. He looks at it every night. Sometimes, he cries. It was bad the first couple of years, but… He got there. When he had the opportunity to come back to you and the kids… I could tell he really wanted it. The light that he lost when he moved back to LA… it was there. Sounds cliche but-”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Youngjae was tearing by now.

 

“Mark told me you broke up with your boyfriend. He also mentioned that he confessed. Is the reason why you broke up with your ex was because of his confession?”

 

 _Yes._ “I just needed time to think.”

 

“Take all the time you need. Sorry I had to just pour this all on you, as a mom, it's hard to see your children _so sad._ You know how that feels, right?”

 

_Youngjae had to agree._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abit heavy oof :(
> 
> also!!! i was going to upload this chapter earlier but i had a crazy week - 4 exams in 3 days.... so, i was just going to school, take exams, go home, study, and repeat for like 5 days.  
> hope this makes up for it ;)
> 
> <3


	10. Ready Or Not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a side note: i won't be using/ addressing mark's family by their real names (or anyone else sans the boys for that matter), since that ain't cool for them.

Two (2) unread text messages from **_Jinyoung._ **

 

 

  * __Youngjae. i found him. took me a while, and a whole lot of should-be illegal stalking, but i really found him.  thank you so much.__



 

 

 

  * __We’re back together now. He left home, and now we’re on the way back to Seoul. Thank you for bringing me home to Yugyeom. I hope you find your home soon. Jinyoung x__



 

 

Youngjae hits ‘Reply’: _happy for you hyung, have the best life ahead. tell yugyeom I said Hi._

 

 

“Hey,” Mark greeted as he sat across Youngjae at breakfast.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Slept well?”

 

 _Not really._ “Yeah, you?”

 

“Mhhmmm.”

 

“Jinyoung found his ex, turns out he was the university partner I had in year one that left suddenly.”

 

“Oh yeah, I remember that.” _Of course he does_. “Speaking of old friends, Bambam has been bugging me to bring you out with the three of us. It’s easier for us since Bambam and I are colleagues and Jackson’s practically free all the time, but they’ve been asking for you.”

 

Youngjae thought about it for a while, it’d be nice to catch up with them both, they were good friends. “Yeah sure. Set a date and let me know.”

 

“Great. I'll text him.”

 

 

“Mark.” Youngjae took a deep breath, readying himself for the question he was about to ask next, “Show me the photo album.”

 

The other paled, “What… album?”

 

“The one you made. Of us. When you came back here.”

 

“Who-who told you that?”

 

Youngjae shrugged, he wasn't going to throw his mom under the bus, “I just know you have it.”

 

“But it's mine.”

 

“With _my_ pictures in them.”

 

“No! It's mine! You can't see it,” Mark began to rage.

 

“Why not? Why are you so defensive?”

 

“I'm tired of you _ordering_ me around. With the kids, it's fine. But things that are _very personal_ to me, I want to keep it to myself. You can't just force me to give you everything because you feel like I owe you something. We're not together anymore, and it wasn't my decision. So, please respect my own boundaries.” He stood up and went back to his room, making Youngjae suddenly not hungry anymore.

 

 

 

They decided to go to the mall today, Mark's family wanting to spoil the kids. Unsurprisingly, the kids are now very close to them, so they were clingy to everyone else but Youngjae, who _still_ felt like a stranger. He lacked behind alone when Mark suddenly came to him, “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up on you like that.”

 

Youngjae widened his eyes, “It's fine, I was way out of line.”

 

“Still. I'm sorry.”

 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Youngjae gave him a small smile.

 

“Anything or anywhere in particular you'd like to do or go?”

 

“Just… following you guys.”

 

“Should we go to Disneyland? The kids haven't been there.”

 

“Yeah sure. They would really like it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“The Pier?”

 

“Oh right… The kids would like the amusement park.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Hey bro, can I talk to Youngjae for a bit?” Josh asked.

 

“Yeah.” Mark walked ahead and caught up with the rest.

 

“Hi. Sorry I've never been joining you guys lately, I had a thesis to finish.”

 

“It's okay, been there, done that,” Youngjae chuckled.

 

“Hey, you and my brother are alright, right?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“He seemed so happy to be going back to Seoul. I'm glad you're all back together.”

 

“Yeah, the kids are happy too.”

 

“So, are you and my brother…?” He trailed off.

 

“Are we what?” Youngjae knew what he meant but he wanted to see what Josh can come up with.

 

“You know… getting back together.”

 

“Oh. The future’s not certain.”

 

“For him, it's you.”

 

“What?”

 

“You're his future. Well, not just you. But the kids too. All he wanted for the past few years was to reunite with you guys again, and now that happened, his future is to stay with all 3 of you.”

 

“Why so deep, Tuan? Mark told you this?”

 

“Nah, I'm his brother, I know.”

 

“Really now? When's his birthday then?” _This question always gets him since Josh always forgets his birthday._

 

“Aha! I'm prepared for this. September 3rd,” he boasted.

 

Youngjae bursted out laughing, “Sure, go tell your brother that.”

 

“Fine, since I know I'm right!!!! Mark!” Josh shouted, “Your birthday’s on the 3rd right?” All Mark did was roll his eyes and turned back to his dad, making his younger brother confused.

 

“It's on the 4th, you fool. That's the closest you've got though, so congratulations.”

 

“Oh, so you remember Mark's birthday?” Josh smirked.

 

“Just because we're not together, doesn't mean I forget everything.”

 

“Not together… yet.” Josh winked, before Gina interrupted him, “Stop bullying our guest.”   


-

 

The rest of the day turned out smoothly, the kids returned home with loads of clothes from Mark's family and Youngjae got himself a new shirt… which Mark tried to pay for but got his hands smacked badly in the process.

 

“You don't have to pay for _my_ stuff.”

 

“I want to once in a while, is that so bad?”

 

“We're not toge-”

 

“Together anymore, yes I know, you don't need to remind me all the time.” Mark sighed and walked away from Youngjae.

 

**_Ouch, that hurt._ **

 

He didn't have time to wallow in his self-pity when Lucy called for him.

 

“I'm tired.”

 

It was only 4pm, but they were still a little jet lagged, and he couldn't blame them.

 

“Want me to carry you?” Lucy nodded. For a 6-year-old, both his kids were pretty light, so it was easy for Youngjae to carry her for long period of times (with much practice too) and as soon as she was carried, she fell asleep.

 

“I'm tired too, Appa.” Youngjae made a move to carry him, and the next time Mark turned around, he saw his ex carrying two of their sleeping kids.

 

“Youngjae. I'll carry one of them.”

 

“It's fine. I'm used to it.”

 

“Youngjae. You have one pair of extra helping hands. I'm their dad too, I'll carry Lucas.” He took their son in his hands and walked away.

 

 _'Why was it so difficult for Youngjae to open up to Mark? He's aware that it was_ **_unfair_ ** _for him to act like that. Maybe he was just used to not having to inte-'_

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Mhhm?”

 

“Is sushi okay for lunch?” Mark asked.

 

“Yeah… that's fine.”

 

_Let loose, Youngjae. Let loose._

  
-  


“Mark. I'm sorry,” Youngjae admitted, after deciding back and forth and finally sucking up his ego to apologise. He knocked on Mark's door and goes in once the other acknowledged him.

 

“It's fine.”

 

“No. No, I didn't deserve to treat you like… like an _outsider_? I've just been doing this alone for the longest time, and I'm not used to this. Not used to having extra help. So… instead of cutting you out, I should be thankful for your help, so thank you. I promised to try, and I keep falling… So I'll try.” Youngjae blabbered his speech fast, hoping Mark would understand.

 

Mark nodded, “I really appreciate that, thank you.”

 

Youngjae exhaled, a burden off his shoulder as he looked around the room. Again, there were pictures of him and the kids, but his eyes soon landed on a big photo album on top of his dresser.

 

“You can see it.”

 

Youngjae turned his attention back to Mark, “Huh?”

 

The older goes over, takes the album, and handed it to Youngjae, “Here. Open it.”

 

“No. Like you said, it's your own priv-”

 

“No. I want to be open with you. So, sit down and take a look at this. Please.” Youngjae nodded timidly, taking the heavy folder and sat down on the edge of the bed. Mark sat beside him, about a feet apart.

 

The first picture he saw was of the kids when they just brought them home from the adoption centre. They were both wrapped tight and sleeping soundly. They never cried, except for milk, smiled and laughed a lot and Youngjae smiled remembering that fact.

 

The next one was them with Youngjae's parents, Mark had taken this photo of his parents carrying the twins, and Youngjae in the middle, like a proud dad.

 

A few others was just with the kids, and he tries not to be surprised that there _we_ _re_ a few pictures of just the both of them through college, on couple vacations and one not. The entire room was quiet, except for the noise of Youngjae flipping the pages, sniffing, and chuckling the entire them, Mark not making any sound.

 

 _But the last one._ **_Oh the last picture._ **

 

It was a fucking **_screenshot_ **of them… **fucking**.

 

And the worst part of it all? **It was Youngjae's idea.**

 

* * *

 

_“Hyung. I want to do something different.”_

 

_“What is it?”_

 

_Youngjae pulls his boyfriend to the room, to find that there's a camera setup aimed towards the bed, and rose petals all over the sheets._

 

_“I want to film us having sex.”_

 

_“What????”_

 

_“Hyung, I heard it's very hot… and arousing to know you're being filmed. Come on, oppa,” Youngjae tried his best to seduce him into doing what he wanted._

 

_“No!” Well, that failed._

 

_“Mark, what are you so scared of?”_

 

_“I don't know… what if it gets spread around school… or worse… the media? Oh my god, I forgot about Pornhub.”_

 

_“First, we're not famous, unless we got famous just like Kim K, but we're just normal people so that isn't going to happen. Secondly, we can just password-protect the video! Come on, it'd be fun.”_

 

 _“Our sexual adventures are_ **_already_ ** _fun.”_

 

_“MORE FUN! Come on, hyung, it's going to be something different. We always try something different when we have sex. We can even role play! To ease off your tension. Here, I'll be your Master.”_

 

_“No, no. No roleplay, just normal sex.” Mark breathed in and out, “Okay... let's film us.”_

 

_“Good boy.” Youngjae positions the camera to the bed, and hits the red button._

 

* * *

 

“Fuck, sorry. I forgot that was there.” Mark scurried near Youngjae to get rid of it, before the latter smacked his hands away for the umpteenth time that day.

 

“It's fine. I remember this.”

 

“Fuck,” Mark rubbed his face in shame. “I feel like a pervert now. Like who the fuck print a _screenshot_ of him and his ex in bed? Oh right. Me. Fuck!” He groaned, mostly talking to himself. Youngjae just chuckled, Mark was always the calm one, and to see him flustered… well it happens very rarely.

 

“It was good. The sex was good, the... concept was good... even if you didn't want it.”

 

“ _At first._ ”

 

“That's true, because we've definitely have at least 20 other sextapes after this since you liked it so much.” Mark blushed.

 

“But... still, I shouldn't have put it there… We're broken up and that's just… it's disgusting, I know.”

 

“It's fine…” He paused, _was he ready for this?_

 

 

_Yes, he decided. He was ready._

 

“ **_Hyung_ **.”

 

One _huge_ step forward.


	11. Family Fun Time

_ “Please. I want to see the children,” Mark begged over the phone. _

 

_ “No.”  _

 

_ “Jae… please. I regret everything just,” Mark sniffed, “I won't get in your way.” _

 

_ Youngjae sighed, the kids  _ **_had_ ** _ been asking for Mark to come back. _

 

_ “Fine. Stay in a hotel, and just one week.” _

 

_ The very following week, Mark arrived. Once they heard the knock on the door, the kids ran over. _

 

_ “There's someone outside, Appa!” Little Lucy screamed. _

 

_ “I know, baby. Let me open the door, okay?” He does and Mark… Oh God. He's never seen Mark like this. He looked worse for wear; his eyes sunken, his face not as youthful and… cheerful anymore. _

 

_ “DADDY!!!” The kids screamed and crashed into Mark.  _

 

_ “Hi babies. Surprise.”  _

 

_ “DADDY! 'r you back fo’ever?” Lucas asked. _

 

_ “No, baby. Just for a while.” _

 

_ “Why Daddy? You can stay here! We have ‘xtra room for you!” _

 

_ “Daddy's… busy, baby.”  _

 

_ “Let him in, first, “ Youngjae sternly ordered, and the kids pulled their dad in to the sofa. The former closed the door behind him and retreated to his room, leaving the three of them alone. _

 

_ It was difficult just… communicating with Mark. It got worse the last 2 months, but it's been bad for about 8 months. When he finally left, Youngjae just felt so fucking empty, so down. He couldn't figure out whether he was relieved to have something so burdening lifted off his shoulders or… an entire part of what he was, was gone. He didn't think about how he'd be affected until it happened, having to take care of the kids alone, but he knew he couldn't handle Mark anymore. _

 

_ It was as hard for Mark. He never, ever wanted to leave Youngjae, especially since the kids were so, so young. He knew he had fucked up to the point of no return, he had hurt his fiance so much. What he thought was a good intention, just backfired totally, and now he had to face the consequences. Of course, he knew that he wasn't mostly at fault. But he hurt him, and the only way around it was to leave. Youngjae wanted the space, and he was going to give it to him, as much as he didn't want to. _

 

_ Yes, it was unfair… but he'd give everything he wanted to the love of his life. And that also included leaving him. _

 

* * *

 

“ _ **Hyung**_.”

 

Mark widened his eyes, it was the first time Youngjae had called him that for 5 years, he couldn't believe it. He didn't want to break the moment, so he just kept quiet.

 

“Hyung. It's fine. We're both in the picture. It's weird, yes, but… yeah, I'm  **_okay_ ** with it. But, how would you explain this if your parents came in and saw this?” He chuckled, trying to lighten the tension.

 

“I locked it in my drawer.” Mark gulped, he really didn't expect this kind of  _ breakthrough.  _ It was always back and forth for Youngjae, and he always felt like he needed to walk on thin ice around him. 

 

Youngjae smiled.  **At him.**

 

_ He's just trying, Mark. He's not falling for you again. **He's not as weak as you.** _

 

“Well, goodnight, hyung. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

 

“Goodnight.” And it was a good night for Mark indeed, probably the best sleep he had in 5 years.

 

“Disneyland!!!!!!!” Lucas screamed. The twins are both donned in their favourite characters; Lucy as Belle, and Lucas as Aladdin. Torrey’s daughters also dressed as Elsa and Anna, and the four kids were too hyped and excited.

 

“Kids, remember not to run away, okay? This park is big,” Youngjae advised.

 

“Yes, Appa,” both of them answered. 

 

They went on  _ so many  _ rides. Youngjae didn't even know there were these many rides, and he was exhausted just 3 hours in. He even accidentally fell asleep on Mark on the boat ride, but that's only because it was dark and the boat was slow.

 

Mark had to wake him up gently by patting his cheek, and he even wiped the drool off Youngjae's face.

 

“ _ Habit _ .” He defended himself.

 

_ “I like the Haunted Mansion!” “I liked the Castle and seeing all the princesses!” “Me too!” “Appa, are you scared?” “Appa doesn’t like haunted houses, so we’ll have to go without him.” _

 

Miraculously, the kids had a lot of energy for the entire day but thank goodness,  _ knocked out  _ when they came home. A point for both fathers.

 

-  
  


 

“We want to give you both some time off and take the kids for the entirety of tomorrow,” Mark's mom informed.

 

This warranted Mark’s suspicions, “Why…?” 

 

“Spend the day together. It's been awhile since you guys went on a date, right?”  _ Ah, so that’s the catch. _

 

“Mom, we're not dating.”

 

“I think it's nice to have a day off, right, hyung?” Youngjae asked simultaneously. 

 

_ What? _

 

“Uh…” All eyes were on Mark, “Sure.”

 

“Great! So tomorrow, we take the kids. That's final.”

  
  


“Where do you wanna go today?” Youngjae asked the next morning at breakfast.

 

“Why are you fine with this?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Like… going out like this. Mom even called it a **date**.”

 

“Because… I’m  _ trying _ remember?” Youngjae reasoned out, “Anyway, as long as we both know it isn’t a date, just two dads hanging out, it’s fine. I love kids… but if someone were to offer to take them while we're on vacation, they can be my guests.”

 

“Oh.” _ It isn’t a date _ , Mark reminded himself.

 

“I wanna go to the Pier! Without the kids first, so we can play. I love it there, we can have churros, and burgers, and popcorn, OH! We can go on the wheel, play games… yes! It’s going to be  _ so fun _ ! We’ll meet at the door in half an hour?” Mark nodded.  _ Well, it was only going to be fun for Youngjae, not Mark, that’s for sure. _

  
  


“Mark! Churros! Come on!” Youngjae almost ran to the food stall, getting him and Mark one each, munching on the hot pastry as soon as it was in their hands.

 

“What games do you want to play, hyung?” Mark choked upon hearing that, not used to the other calling him that. Youngjae looked at him awkwardly, seemingly knowing why Mark reacted like that.

 

“Um…. The throwing hoops one?”

 

“That's _our_ _favourite._ Let's go.” **_Our favourite_** , Mark repeated back in his head.

 

They were both initially rusty, but 4 rounds later, Mark  _ finally  _ managed to throw his hoops successfully, winning themselves a stuffed penguin.

 

“Oh, Lucy would love this. I want to get one for Lucas too, so they don't fight. Hey! There's a stall there that gives those hot wheels sets, we should go.” Youngjae walked towards that direction, before being pulled back by the elder's hand.

 

“I won this for you. This is for  _ you _ , not the kids. We can get the kids the toys when we come here later,” Mark pushes the large penguin into his hands.

 

“Ah thanks, hyung.” He smiled, awkwardly putting his hands around it, and was on his way. Mark slowly followed behind, smiling. Everything suddenly felt nostalgic, he didn't think the younger would've accepted his  _ gift _ , but was grateful nonetheless.

 

_ It's not a date though,  _ Mark reminded himself, breaking his heart a little bit, and at that, he quietly sighed.

 

They played a few more games,  _ unsuccessfully _ , before deciding to take a breather on the Ferris wheel.

 

“Remember when we were right here years ago, Jae?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

* * *

 

_ Adamant on cuddling on one side of the cabin, Youngjae sighed in content, meaning against Mark's shoulder.  _

 

_ “Hyungie, thanks for winning me these.” Youngjae smiled widely as he held two gigantic plushies of Moonmin and Garfield that Mark had won in the games they played.  _

 

_ “Welcome, baby.” Mark hugged the younger tighter and kissed the top of his head. _

 

_ “Hyung…” Youngjae called after a while, “We'll make it, right?” _

 

_ “What do you mean?” _

 

_ “I mean…” He propped his head up, “We'll be together through everything, right? Kids, or no kids. Marriage or no marriage. If anything happens, we'll be together, right?” _

 

_ Mark leaned in, capturing the other's lips, “Always. We'll be together through thick and thin, no matter what.”  _

 

_ “I love you so much.” “I love you too.” _

* * *

  
  


“We promised each other forever,” Mark chuckled sadly, “Look at how that turned out.”

 

Youngjae kept quiet at that. Mark may have regretted saying that too soon (they had 2 more rounds to complete their turn), thinking it'd be awkward the entire ride. He was wrong.

 

“Life has a twisted way with us.” 

 

Mark hummed at that. This all felt too much for him suddenly, how just a mere few years back, they were madly in love. And now? It felt like a  **one-sided date** _ (he knows it’s not one, but he couldn’t help feeling like this) _ , like Mark was pining after Youngjae in this unrequited love scenario. It felt like a story that’d have a bad ending. He wanted to touch him, to hold him close, to be madly in love with each other  **again** .  _ But it wasn’t going to happen, it was never going to happen. _

  
  


“Hyung…” Youngjae whispered, it was almost so soft you couldn't hear, but luckily _ (?) _ for him, Mark's a good listener.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why do… you still  _ love  _ me all these years?”

 

“I just do. I've always told you everyday how much you mean to me, how I feel about you… and how they'd never change.”

 

“I didn't think you really mean it.”

 

“When have I never meant it? Throughout the years of dating?”  _ He had a point there.  _

 

“Your mom and brother told me... I guess I never imagined how hard it was for you.” The older hummed at that, wanting to know what more was said, but didn’t want to ruin the moment.

 

“It was hard for me too,” Youngjae said.

 

“I know. I never said it wasn't. It was hard for us in different ways.” They stayed silent for the rest of the ride. As they got out of the wheel, Youngjae suggested they go for dinner.

 

“I… can't.” 

 

“Why not?”

 

“It's not a date,” Mark blurted out his thoughts, “ _ All of this _ … it feels like one. I don't want to get my hopes  up. I can't continue like this, it's too much.”

 

“What… do you mean?”

 

“You know how I feel about you. Doing all these things with you and the kids were hard enough, but with just you? It's suffocating and unbearable that I can't touch you the way I used to,” Mark's voice breaks.

 

“Hyung…”

 

“You can have the car. I'll walk back.”

 

Youngjae watched as Mark walked away, in shock, of course. He didn't expect the day to have ended like  _ this.  _ And he certainly didn't expect his heart to collapse for the umpteenth time because of Mark.

 

-

 

“Appa! Why did you and Daddy not come back together?” Lucy asked just as he stepped into the house.

 

“Uh… Appa had to go somewhere else…” Youngjae looked hesitantly at Mark before walking back to his room.

 

Lucy wasn’t satisfied, of course, so she ran to chase Youngjae.

 

“Appa, are you okay?”

 

Youngjae sighed as he sat down the bed, “Yeah, I’m okay. How about you? What did you do today?” He carried his daughter to his lap.

 

“We made cookies with Grandma! Then, Uncle Josh brought us to swim in the pool…” Lucy went on and on again before ending, “We were waiting for you and Daddy to come back together, but Daddy came home first.”

 

“Mhhmmm.” 

 

“Why?”

 

“Why what?” 

 

“Why did you and Daddy not come home together?”

 

“Appa had something to do...”

 

“What’s it?”

 

“What  _ is  _ it, baby. You can’t just remove words from sentences like that.” _ You’re not Ariana Grande, as much as you like her _ , he wanted to add.

 

Lucy puffed, “What did you do, Appa?”

 

“I… went out to eat.”

 

“Alone?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why not with Daddy?”

 

“Honey… Maybe Daddy didn't want to? Okay,” He sighed, “I don’t know, either.”

 

“Appa. Appa,  **wake up,** Appa.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Appa. You and Daddy are meant to be together. You still love him, it’s obvious.”

 

“Lucy, where is all this coming from?”

 

_ “Your eyes.” _

  
  
  


“DADDY!!! I WON!!! I WON!!!” Lucas screamed as the game master handed him the large blue dinosaur he was aiming for.

 

“Great job, buddy.” Mark ruffled his hair as Lucy came running from another stall with Youngjae, her own prize in hand.

 

“Daddy, I WON!!” Lucy screamed, earning her own ruffling of her hair from Mark. 

 

“Let's eat, Dads! I'm hungry!” Lucas pulled Mark towards the corn dog stand, his sister and father following closely behind.

 

They each had a corndog each, sans Youngjae, because he opted for a hotdog instead. 

 

“Appa, can I try some?” Lucy took a bite once her father offered it to her, as they all walked side by side as the sun sets.

 

“What's going on there?” Lucas pointed to a crowd not far ahead.

 

“Let's go and see.”

 

Just as they reached, they saw the man going down on one knee. Candles in a form of a heart surrounded the couple as the man shakily took out the ring. 

 

_ This feels all too familiar, huh? _

 

“Yes! Yes, I'll marry you,” The lady cried, before a round of applause was heard from the bystanders.

 

As Youngjae prayed for a black hole to swallow him once and for all, Lucy nudged him.

 

“Appa, are you okay?” Just then did the father of two realise that he had teared up, he wiped it off quickly, “I'm fine, let's go.”

 

They decided to walk to the wheel once they were done eating,climbed in, each pair on each side.

 

The kids were in awe of the view of course, it was not everyday they get to see LA at a height.

 

“I don't wanna go home~” Lucy whined.

 

“Yeah, I wanna stay here forever~” 

 

_ Ouch, that hit a point way too close to home. _

 

“Our lives are in Seoul, we have to go back so you kids can go to school, and Appa and I can go to work.”

 

Both kids groaned. And Youngjae so badly wanted to jump out of the cabin.

 

Since it was their last night in LA, they went to the beach one last time. The two kids walked ahead of their parents, as they played on the shallow waters while the older two stayed behind watching them in (awkward) silence.

 

“Jae. Are you alright?”

 

Youngjae sighed, “Yeah. They're kids. They can say whatever.”

 

“Mhmm… We're good, right?”

 

_ Are they though? _

 

“Yeah, we're good.” Youngjae nodded, but to reassure himself than anyone else.

 

_ He wants them to be. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very fluffy & angsty.... at the same time lmao 
> 
> what do you guys think of the kids !!!! i think they're very intuitive (like a lot of kids are) and brutally honest......... good for oblivious!!markjae 
> 
> what did y'all think of focus on me!!!
> 
> honestly, it isn't my type of song (don't exactly fancy rnb) but it's very good nonetheless!! <3
> 
> special thanks to abgjaebum on twt for helping me with all this great la stuff :D
> 
> (slower updates as i've not been happy with the recent developments!!)
> 
> hi! as mentioned above, i'm not too happy about my recent chapters that i'm writing on; so can you guys let me know what you think about the story so far? is it too slow? too fast? does it need more detail?? you can talk to me thru cc/dms. any help is greatly appreciated.


	12. Couples' Vacation

“Have a safe flight babies. Make sure to eat well, and stay safe okay? Most importantly, have fun back home. We'll miss you.”

 

“We'll miss you too, Grandma, Grandpa!” The twins said simultaneously, before hugging them for the last time before they head to their gate.

 

“We can come back soon, right Appa?” Lucas asked Youngjae.

 

“Of course. They can come visit too.” That definitely delighted his kids.

 

Thank heavens they were exhausted from the trip, and coupled with the comfortable business class seats, knocked out for _almost_ the entirety of the flight. By the time they reached Seoul, they were well-energized, which was good, considering they reached in the day.

 

Youngjae however, was _exhausted._ In the plane, on the taxi ride back home… he was more mentally drained than physically, but he certainly did not appreciate the fatigue.

 

“Jae, just go to sleep. I'll entertain the kids.”

 

“No, it's fine…” Youngjae yawned.

 

“Seriously. I know you're exhausted, I can handle it. Trust me.”

 

_Trust him, Youngjae. Just do it._

 

“Okay.”

 

 

Fuck, if Youngjae _would kiss_ Mark right now, he would've. That was the best 5 hours of nap _ever,_ and now he was energized enough to join the others who were outside.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“We're drawing! Daddy's cooking dinner,” Lucy supplied, “When can we pick Coco up?”

 

Youngjae decided to send the pup into one of those pet hotels, and had only scheduled to pick her up the day after they came back.

 

“Oh okay,” Lucas dramatically sighed, “I miss her.”

 

“Me too, bub. What are you both drawing?”

 

“I'm drawing the whooooole family. Here's me and Lukey, Coco, Halmeoni and Harabeoji, Grandpa and Grandma… And there's you and Daddy!”

 

And lo and behold, right smack in the middle of the drawing was what he could make out of, both of them… holding hands. _Awkward._

 

“We're all holding hands!” Lucy continued, furthering confirming the fact Youngjae refused to think about it.

 

“That's… great, honey.”

 

“Appa! I drew all 5 of us too! Except mine's much nicer than Lucy's!” The other twin mocked.

 

“No! Mine's soooo much better! Yours suck!” Youngjae sighed.

 

“Hey, don’t fight and put each other down. It’s not nice, siblings should always look out for each other, right?” Youngjae reprimanded. The twins nodded, muttering quick ‘Sorry’s, before going back to their own thing.

 

Youngjae walked towards the dining hall. Mark had cooked an entire spread - lasagna, cheesy spinach casserole and garlic bread - one of Youngjae's favourite ‘Made-by-Mark’ food.

 

“I didn't even know we had these many foods in the pantry.”

 

“Oh, we went to the grocery store and picked these up.”

 

“Wow,” Youngjae looked up and smiled in gratitude, “Thank you.”

 

“You're welcome. Come sit, these are your favorites, right?”

 

“Yeah, you remembered…”

 

“Of course I did,” Mark mumbled, but Youngjae could hear it as clear as day.

-

The next couple of weeks suddenly went by in a blur. From finishing many new songs for all his artists, Mark's many meetings, to the kids going back to school, it was suddenly Mark’s birthday.

 

The kids were definitely **excited** that they can now celebrate his birthday! They acted sneaky though, and that did _not_ put Youngjae's heart at peace.

 

The day of Mark's birthday, there was a knock on their door. The twins quickly rushed to open and _surprise_! It was Youngjae's parents.

 

“What are you both doing here?”

 

“We called them ‘ere!” Lucy excitedly exclaimed.

 

“And why's that?” Mark came out of the room to see what the ruckus was about, and greeted Youngjae's parents with a hug.

 

“Here,” His dad passes Mark an envelope.

 

On the front of it, it was written, ‘ _To our sons, Happy birthday, Mark & Youngjae _.’

 

As he opened it, he was stunned.

 

“Appa. This is too much.”

 

“Don't worry about it. We have so much savings, we thought it'd be good to spoil you both since your birthdays are so close together.”

 

Oh God, Youngjae thinks, this sounded _big_.

 

Mark showed Youngjae the contents of the envelope.

 

He was right.

 

It was two plane tickets to Jeju. Same date. Seats right next to each other.

 

And written clearly were their names on it.

 

_Fuck._

 

 

“Seriously?! What are you both doing?!” Youngjae raged.

 

“It's a gift for the both of you,” His dad calmly replied the obvious.

 

“ _I know that. Why?_ Why are you trying so hard to put Mark with me? Did the kids have something to do with this? I bet they did… seeing as they called you here. **_Fuck._ **”

 

“Firstly, _language_. We're still your parents. And secondly, you've both been through so much, especially with moving out and working busily the past two weeks… Appa and I thought it'd be a great time for you both to get a break.”

 

“TOGETHER? You could've given us two separate tickets on different days… or locations! Not for the _same trip._ Why are you so **_pushy?_ **”

 

“We know you both better than you think. You still love him, son. It's obvious,” His father continued.

 

“ _I don't care._ Mark and I were a thing of the past, and I intend for it to stay that way.”

 

“Why? You're making this hard for your kids, and most importantly, yourselves. Stop being so God damn stubborn yourselves and appreciate that we're doing this for you!”

 

“By forcing me to go on a trip with my **_ex?_ ** He left _me,_ do you know how painful it is that you're forcing me into such an uncomfortable position just because you have your own stupid agenda of, I don't know, getting us back together?”

 

“Fine. Go or don't go. That's fine. You're so difficult, it's just a trip, whatever happens, we don't know. It’s harmless. We want to be nice to you both and give you guys a break from the kids, but we should've known how stubborn you can be.”

 

“Please, Youngjae. We’re doing this for you, no ulterior motives. I promise,” his mom reasoned out. Youngjae sighed, leaving the room.

 

“Appa, just go _pleaseeeee_ ,” Lucy whined, clinging onto her Appa, “We want to stay with Halmeoni and Harabeoji.”

 

“Then, you can still stay with them. Appa will be fine on his own in _Seoul._ ”

 

The twins huffed, turning to Mark, “Daddy~ Get Appa to go with you.”

 

“It's his choice, not mine,” He simply answered.

 

“I've made up my mind. Daddy can go on his own,” Youngjae continued, “I have work anyway.”

 

 

Naturally, Youngjae had forgotten about having to celebrate Mark's birthday, but as parents do, Youngjae's mom had baked a cake as well as cook some of Mark's favourite foods. The kids had given Mark birthday cards they made themselves, and Youngjae almost feels shitty that he was empty-handed. They both used to have a tradition, but Youngjae doesn’t know whether their current relationship status is appropriate enough for that.

 

_‘But who could blame me? We're exes. I don't owe him anything… right?’_

 

As the day dwindled down and the kids went to sleep, Youngjae knocked on Mark's door.

 

“I didn't get you anything… Sorry, it's just… I was so busy and it slipped my mind.”

 

“It's alright. I don't need or want anything else other than this.”

 

“This?”

 

“Yeah. The family back together. But I did want to ask one question.”

 

“Mhmm?”

 

“Do you hate me?” _Ouch_.

 

“I…”

 

“Just be honest please.”

 

“I don't…” He convinces himself, he shouldn't anyway… Mark had done so much for him to be an unappreciative ex.

 

Mark looked down, licking his lips. It wasn’t a flat-out _No_ at least. “Then, that's your gift to me.”

 

Youngjae kept mum to that, instead saying, “Night… Happy birthday, hyung.”

 

Youngjae couldn’t stop thinking about Jeju. _It shouldn’t be too bad, right?_ It’s just _five_ days… _away_ from the kids. He hadn’t gotten that since they came into his life, he hasn’t been to Jeju… and he would finally have some time to himself.

 

_**But, the decision was made for him:** _

 

“He _really_ wants to work with us?!?!” Youngjae _almost_ screamed.

 

“Yeah, he does!” Jaebeom excitedly answered back, “But under one condition.”

 

_‘Anything, I'd do anything just to see Jav-’_

 

“We need to go to Jeju.”

 

**_Oh._ **

 

“When?” Youngjae sighed.

 

“Next week. He's there for a holiday actually, but he said he'd meet us for one entire day. This is our time to shine, Youngjae!” Jaebeom squealed in excitement, and the younger would be too, if he wasn’t too shocked that a decision was made for him so quickly and unexpectedly.

 

Looks like the plane ticket came useful after all.

 

-

 

Of course, when Youngjae told the twins he was indeed, going to Jeju, ‘ _but with Uncle Jaebeom_ ’, he had emphasized, they freaked out. Mark didn't react excessively in any way, like he usually did, but no one knew how _happy_ yet conflicted he was.

 

The day they departed came by fast enough, and Jaebeom was reintroduced to Mark again. They had known each other briefly, Jaebeom being Youngjae's longest friend, but they were never close.

 

“Nice to see you again.” “You too.” Two men who didn't talk much, fitting.

 

Youngjae's parents, God bless them, had booked Mark and Youngjae, a very nice couples room. Like… a fancy, seaside room. Youngjae tried to get two separate rooms, but unfortunately for the youngest, it was a _couples-only_ accommodation.

 

Youngjae tried to get out of it by suggesting Mark stayed there alone, but the staff was adamant on their ‘Couples-only’ rule, and if there weren't _two_ people in the room, there's none. Youngjae might _not hate_ Mark, but he was uncomfortable sharing a bed, let alone a room. However, reasonably, he knew it was too troublesome for them if they _both_ had to rebook rooms, so the former just sucked it up.

 

Well, the world wasn't that cruel. The king-sized bed was bigger than both had expected, so the possibility of skinship, Youngjae ‘calculated’ was limited… Hopefully. Also, there were two little cards - one for each of them - congratulating them on their birthdays. Right. This was a birthday gift.

 

Almost as if naturally, they both went to their respective side of bed - Youngjae on the left, Mark on the right. Well, they had done this a million times before, but it was as if it was the absolute norm, that no one would ever figure they’re broken up.

 

Mark cleared his throat, “What are your plans this trip?”

 

“Uh… the producer only wants to see us tomorrow, and Jaebeom will only be staying until Wednesday morning... Since, _our_ return ticket is not until Friday, I need to plan for Wednesday through Friday, I guess.” He shrugged.

 

“Or… you can join me? I made plans… mostly just a lot of walking… eating… Did you know they have an erotic theme park here? I was thinking of getting on those hop-on, hop-off buses… to bring me around.” Mark rattled on, probably due to nervousness.

 

“Um… I'll see,” Youngjae replied, before collapsing down on the bed to take a long nap.

 

They had both facetimed the children during dinner, and of course, the little kids were way too excited to see them both together.

 

_(But Youngjae thinks Lucy was just excited to see her little crush on ‘Uncle Beommie!’)_

 

The first day was just about them lounging around along the beach, since the restaurant they went to was near the sands, and it was mostly Mark and Jaebeom catching up, while Youngjae walked ahead.

 

“How have you been?” Mark initiated the conversation.

 

“Good. I’m doing what I like, and that’s enough for me now and my five kids.”

 

“You have kids?” Mark asked, never aware the other had children.

 

“Cats... kids.”

 

“Five of them? Wow. The house must be a mess.”

 

“Oh you’re absolutely right,” He chuckled, “But I love them too much to be angry with them.” He scratches the back of his neck.

 

Jaebeom continued after the minute’s silence, “So you’re back for good?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Youngjae told me you got a job here, now you’re all staying together.”

 

“Mhhmm. I was given the chance to be with my kids, so here I am.”

 

“Just the kids?” Mark stayed silent at that.

 

“Do you think you and Youngjae would get back together?” Jaebeom prompted. _Wow, straight to the point, huh?_

 

“I… I hope so.”

 

Jaebeom sighed, “God, I remembered when you left, _he_ was a wreck. Like I may know him for almost 20 years now, but I had never seen him so fucking miserable.” He paused, “I hated you, you know? But I thought since you'd still come back once in a while, and was still financially supporting the kids; I guess you still had a little conscience. But since I've only heard his side, what about yours?”

 

“I don't want to get too much into it. Honestly, I know how badly I fucked up, it was _so_ messy. Even after, I begged for weeks to still be in their lives… I offered to pay for everything still, but he refused, he had only wanted me to pay half of the kids’ necessities…” Mark took a deep breath, “I don't know… I've been paying for my consequences for too long, it wasn’t a big problem financially… I just missed them. I miss seeing them everyday _and I miss…_ **_Youngjae_ **. I want us all to be together again, in one way or another.” The confession came out so rushed, but it felt good to be able to let it all out.

 

“Then, both of you had it bad, huh? Life's have been really tough for you both, but… I hope things work out. Truly.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Mark spent the second day just by the beach, going shopping for the kids and found some toys for Coco. He had brought some food he knew Youngjae would like from the convenience store, and some shorts for himself.

 

Youngjae had told him that they'd have dinner with the producer, leaving Mark all alone the entire day. He admitted: he felt lonely. And the reason why he didn't want to roam around so much that day was solely because he hoped that Youngjae would want to hang out with him the next few days. It was a wish he had prayed for on his birthday candles - for the younger to willingly spend time with him.

 

All Mark had right now is **_hope_ ** . _Hope_ that Youngjae would open up to him more. _Hope_ that Youngjae wouldn't look like he wanted to puke at the sight of Mark. And _hope_ that someday they'd be together again. But he’d definitely take being friends if it meant that he could keep the younger in his life, even if Youngjae didn’t want to be together again.

 

Hope… is bittersweet. It could either make you the happiest person in the world, or the most devastated. Why Mark was still holding onto something so… _fickle…_ so **_unpredictable_ **, especially with Youngjae… maybe he's crazy.

 

He's crazy. For Youngjae. Always.

 

_Cheesy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm in the midst of rewriting an entire chunk of the next few chapters!! in the meantime, feedback is much appreciated! have a good week ahead!! <3


	13. 180 Degrees

Fast forward the next morning, Youngjae was in an extremely good mood. He came back quite late yesterday, and even greeted Mark happily as he came into the room

 

_“It was a very good session,” He had said, adding that the producer very much wanted to release the song they had made together. “We even made 2 more! He's so great.”_

 

_“Great job, Jae,” was all Mark said, before he decided to turn in._

  


“Morning, Hyung! Where do you plan to go today?”

 

“Uh… I planned to buy a ticket for the Hop on Hop Off bus and roam around.” _Please say you'll go with me, ple-_

 

“Ooh! That sounds fun, let's go!”

 

_Huh? Hold up, wait. Did Youngjae just invite himself voluntarily, by his own means and willingly like… offered to hang out together? (Mark, we get it.)_

 

Youngjae offered to pay for their tickets, two-day ones because it was, ‘ _More worth it, and there's so many things to see on the bus!_ ”

 

There were plenty of places to go to - museums, traditional markets, beaches, bridges - and to Mark's _delight_ , the erotic theme park.

 

Their first stop was the market, where Youngjae bought so many local snacks, tried so many of them and miraculously, fed some to Mark too.

 

Mark was needless to say, entirely overwhelmed and speechless. This Youngjae was **_so completely_ ** different from the closed-off one, it was like Youngjae had a secret, much friendlier twin and he suddenly appeared in Jeju. His mind was completely haywire, not absorbing the fact that Youngjae was being _nice_ and remotely, accepting to him **_for once._ **He guessed the producer must have made him that happy to be so willing like this.

 

“Hyung, I wanna eat their famous black pork for dinner later! Okay?” Mark nodded. He was being pulled from one place to another by the younger, taking pictures for each other, buying more food, souvenirs and clothes, it was just like when they were dating.

 

* * *

 

_“Hyungie~~” Youngjae called out, sitting on Mark’s lap on the sofa._

 

_“Yes, Jae?” He knew this voice, his boyfriend wanted something._

 

_“Let’s go to the arcade.”_

 

_“Jae… you know how much you can spend there.” $150 was his best record, “We still haven’t paid our rent.” The younger groaned._

 

_“Let’s go to Myeongdong then. I want to have those dried squid thing.” Mark knew he would’ve lost a fight eventually, nodding to the other’s suggestion before forcing them both to get up to dress up._

  


_“Hyung, it’s here!” Youngjae jumped like a little kid, pulling the older towards the cart._

 

_“Hi! Can we get two packets please?” The seller nodded, Mark pulling out his wallet to pay._

 

_Youngjae gasped, “Hyung, there's the fish sandwich ice cream thing!!”_

 

_“Breathe for a second, Jae. We still haven't got your squid yet.” Youngjae nodded, leaning against the older._

 

_Mark was pulled to the sandwich shop, then one of those knockoff shirts cart, to a grilled shrimp cart, a kebab stall, then to The Face Shop where they stocked up on their face and foot masks, to H &M, LINE Friends, and lastly, they went to a cafe on the second floor of a shophouse to eat bingsu. _

 

_“Mark hyung, thank you~” Youngjae sweetly thanked him with aegyo. It was the least he could do since Mark did pay for everything. He was like Youngjae's accidental sugar daddy, yes, that's Mark's official title._

 

_Initially, Youngjae hated that Mark kept paying for him. He felt like he was using the older, and their very first fight was indeed about money._

 

_Youngjae argued that he shouldn't spend alot on him, Mark justified having money but nothing else to spend on except on the younger. It was pretty back and forth for about an hour or so, until the younger admitted defeat when Mark couldn't stop tickling him on their bed. Then of course, they had make-up sex._

 

_Mark did allow Youngjae to pay sometimes, but since they decided to open a joint account, it was essentially half-half. Mark still spends on the younger with his own card, but the things they shared, they used their joint account. A day like today the younger allowed the older to spoil him._

 

_“Welcome, Jae…” Mark felt indifferent._

 

_“Everything okay, hyung?”_

 

_“Yeah. I'm just… realising…”_

 

_“Realising what?”_

 

_“That I'm really, extremely happy.”_

 

_“Me pulling you different places and making you pay for things make you happy?” Youngjae chuckled._

 

_“Yes.” Mark replied in a serious tone._

 

_“Hyung!” Youngjae smacked Mark, “Don't be so serious.”_

 

_“You make me happy, Jae. I'm serious about it.”_

 

_“Even if it's just shopping around aimlessly like this?”_

 

_“Even if we just cuddled at home, doing our own thing. I'm the happiest I've ever been.”_

 

* * *

 

“Hyung! This is _so_ you.” Youngjae pulled up an oversized neon orange hoodie, and decided to buy it for him after bargaining for 5 full minutes. Yes, the younger _offered_ to pay for it. It felt like it was a twin.

 

They did end up at a black pork restaurant, famous around the area and boy did Youngjae order _a lot_ , for someone who doesn't eat much.

 

“Hyung, you can help me finish all this right? Wah~ I'm so excited to eat it, I could die.”

 

Mark nodded once again, still feeling overwhelmed by all this fast development with ‘twin'-Youngjae.

 

“Hyung, are you alright? You've been quiet all day, not like you aren't already quiet already.”

 

“I'm fine. Just… _who are you?_ ” Oops, Mark didn't mean to ask the last part outloud.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You're in a scarily good mood and I'm just… I'm not used to it? Surprised, is a better word.”

 

“Oh. I'm just in a really good mood. I've been wanting to work with this producer for so long, and he was so amazing, and he loved our work… I don't know… he also told me to catch a break so… here I am, catching a break.”

  
  


Truthfully, the producer, Javert, talked about love. How love is a beautiful thing with the right person.

 

‘That's how Ed Sheeran had hits,’ he had joked.

 

Love, he believes, required two sides who were very willing to make things work. If things didn't work out, one of the sides stopped making an effort. Youngjae wanted to point out that that was obvious, but the what Javert said after had shut him up.

 

_**‘Love… is hard to let go. Same as it is to receive, but to let it go… I feel like it takes twice, sometimes thrice the effort. When you fall out of love, it may be different. At that point, you'd might already have made the decision, I don't know, never experienced it. But when you've both broken up out of love, that's when it's the toughest. To each its own but for me, like with my wife and I… We got together and broke up young the first time, and then eventually, when we were much older, decided to work it all out together. Now, we're 10 years strong. I never stopped loving her, and even if I was unwilling to work it out the first time, during the time apart - I realised that fuck , I need to get my shit together. I need to get my shit together because she's part of my life, I want her to be a part of my life, my future, so I should be willing to work hard for it. I need to start being more selfless, and less in my comfort zone.’** _

 

It hit Youngjae like a truck. When Mark lied and betrayed him, _he_ had given up. Mark wasn't the first one to give up everything, he had begged, and fought for them. Youngjae put a stop to it, and even if he had deeply loved the older still, he wanted it all to stop. To end.

 

He never wanted to process his feelings, to afraid to admit what he knew as the truth. Of course, he still loved Mark. He'd never wanted to marry anyone else, nor did he want to be with anyone else.

 

He guessed that he wasn't giving the older a fair chance, nor is he allowing himself to forgive the other. He needed to be less selfish and offputting, if it meant having a better relationship with Mark, for the kids’ sake.

  
-  


Youngjae wasn’t going to lie… the day so far had been going really well. He had always enjoyed Mark’s company when they dated, because whatever shenanigans Youngjae was up to, Mark was right behind him. He also admits: he missed these little adventures with the other a lot, it was always entertaining with him, and definitely a breather from the ‘Solo’ life he had lived the past 4 years.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Anyway, I was planning to take the HoHo bus anyway… so I figured we'd just go together instead of like… meeting on the bus awkwardly or something… It's fine, right?”

 

“Of course, I invited you so…”

 

“The… the last time we went out together, properly, you ended up leaving me alone. I hope tonight's not the case, even if I hated the idea of going on a trip together in the first place. It's not you… well not _mostly_ you, but it feels like my parents are interfering and I just hate it, you know?”

 

“Mhmm. Sorry about uh… LA. It's just… it's no excuse but… you reminded me it wasn't a date, and it just distracted me the entire night.”

 

“So the difference about tonight is that I didn't remind you about… _that?_ ”

 

“Yeah… Also. I've come to terms that… I'm starting to accept the fact that we'll go out more together like without it being a date,” He lied (to himself, mostly).

 

“Oh.” A part of Youngjae’s heart breaks.

 

Luckily for them, the waiter came with their food and Mark instinctively started to grill the raw meat for the both of them.

 

“Hyung, it's alright. I'm the younger one.”

 

“Oh,” He puts down his tongs, “Sorry, habit.”

 

“It's okay,” Youngjae picked up the tongs, “I've been sending my parents the pictures of the places we've been going to, the kids miss us.” Mark lightly chuckled.

 

“Next time, we can come here with them.”

 

“I'd like that.”

 

-

 

“Appa! What did you do today?” Lucy screamed into the screen.

 

“Daddy and I went on a tour around Jeju. Ate a lot of snacks, we went to the beach…”

 

“YOU AND DADDY WENT OUT _TOGETHER?_ ” Lucas screeched.

 

“Yes, we did,” Mark answered.

 

“OH MY GOD!!!!!! HALMEONI THEY WENT OUT TOGETHER!!!!” Lucy screamed towards the direction of the kitchen. There was probably a reply back, but neither one on the other side of the screen can hear.

 

“Did you buy stuff for us?” Lucas leaned forward.

 

“Yeah we did.”

 

“What did you buy us!!” Lucy asked.

 

“Clothes, souvenirs… What did you all do today?” Youngjae redirected the question.

 

“We went to the aquarium! Harabeoji bought us matching shirts, then we went to see dolphins, sharks and Nemo!”

 

“Nemo? What's the actual fish called?”

 

“Uhh…” Lucas looked at his sister, who was confused as well.

 

“What is Lucas scared of?” Mark prompted.

 

“A lot of things,” Lucy sneered, which got a hit from her brother.

 

“Hey, don't fight. Answer Daddy's question,” Youngjae warned.

 

The twins really took their time thinking, before their daughter announced, “Clown fish!”

 

“That's right! A clown fish.”

 

Lucy and Lucas both took turns to tell their dads what they saw that day, along with their favourite fishes and the souvenirs they got from their grandparents. They yawned eventually, and Youngjae ended the call, citing they need to sleep for school the next day.

 

Both Youngjae and Mark lied down on their sides of the bed, facing upwards.

 

“Jae. Thank you.”

 

“What for?”

 

“For wanting to accompany me around here. I know you didn't want to initially, but I'm glad… you changed your mind.”

 

Youngjae was silent for a while, but eventually spoke up, “I'll try. On my side. I'll try to make this work.”

 

Mark didn't know what to answer, but before he could think about it, the younger fell asleep.


	14. Confession Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: emotional rollercoaster.... also more voyeurism lol
> 
> for dora, does a kiss on the dick count? xx
> 
> will post the next chapter once this reaches 100 kudos!!!

“Oh, hyung. You must be excited for today,” Youngjae chuckled.

 

Right, they had planned to go to the erotic theme park.

 

“I'm not… I just said that because I was just telling you the different things to do here…” Mark blushed.

 

“It's ok, hyung. I'm curious too.”

 

“Let’s go.” They left their hotel to board the bus.

 

 

“Are women this flexible? Is this even possible?” Youngjae asked, both of them tilting their heads at an angle at the sheer versatility of said statue.

 

“I don't know… I'm gay.”

 

“I know, hyung,” Youngjae chuckled, “Not going to lie, I didn't know what to expect but these ain't it. There aren't even rides! Isn't it a theme park?”

 

“It _is_ a _themed_ park. Anyway, you can take a pick,” Mark pointed to the array of… _dick_ statues. “There seems to be many more dicks than I thought there would be to take a ‘ride’ on. Do you want the pink one? We had a dildo like that ri-” Youngjae smacked him.

 

“I'm not going to fuck a statue, as much as I'm… realising that I haven't got some for years.” He sighed, walking forward to look at more… figures.

 

They soon ended up at a museum inside the park, weirdly so.

 

“Omg look, our favourite pastime.” Mark pointed to an information board, brightly named: Voyeurism. Youngjae smacked him again, “Not so loud!”

 

“Because _there's_ people here,” Mark snided, he was sure they were the only ones in the entire park.

 

“Still. It's embarrassing if you say it so bluntly.”

 

“Oh my god hyung. I just remembered - we had sex in a museum before.”

 

* * *

 

_The museum had a little theatre room in the middle of the exhibition. It was just a continuous replay of a 2-minute video on abstract art, but Mark and Youngjae somehow spent 6 rounds of the video there._

 

_“Hyung, hyung I'm like… really fucking horny right now.”_

 

_“What the hell Youngjae? We're at an art museum for God's sake.”_

 

_“I know. I can't control it…. Ok, stay quiet, hyung.”_

 

_Before Mark could ask why, his boyfriend ended up on his knees on the floor below him with a hand on the zipper._

 

_“Jae.”_

 

_Youngjae didn't answer, like the sneaky man he was, quickly taking in Mark whole. Youngjae was always phenomenal at what he does, so soon enough, Mark just threw his morals out the window and enjoyed it._

 

_it was just kitten licks in the beginning, but soon, Youngjae started sucking along the length, like he was making out with it. It was a miracle he wasn't too loud, taking it every little bit of pre-cum._

 

_He then moved down by licking the entire length at once, like a lollipop, before sucking it's head and licking the slit continuously._

 

_“Fuck, Jae I'm close.”_

 

_At that little warning, Youngjae and his lack of gag reflex,  put it all in, sucking the life out of Mark and making the latter come so vigorously. Of course, he swallowed it all._

 

_“Fuck.” Mark breathed out, readying himself to help his boyfriend out when Youngjae voiced out, “Glad I'm wearing black pants then.” He smiled giddily._

 

* * *

 

“Oh yeah we did.” Mark exhaled heavily remembering that.

 

“Hyung… have you ever… slept around after we broke up?”

 

Answering almost immediately, “Of course not. I didn't even go on dates.”

 

“Why not? Your mom told me your siblings tried to hook you up.”

 

“Yeah, I wasn't interested. At all. I have feelings for someone else.” Mark shrugged.

 

He knew it was **him** , but he jokingly replied, “Oh, do I know him?” Youngjae nervously chuckled, Mark kept mum at that.

 

They stopped at a food truck, ordering themselves a rice bowl and juice each, before settling down at one of the tables.

 

“Wanna try mine?” Mark held out a spoon with some of rice on it. Youngjae nodded, and was about to take the spoon from the older's hands when Mark directly places it in-front of his mouth. Youngjae hesitantly (he tried really hard not to show it, but fails) opened his mouth. He offered the same to Mark, hoping he had detected his discomfort of getting fed, but the latter just replies by opening his mouth for Youngjae to feed into.

 

Awkward.

 

They spent the rest of the day heading to Jungang Underground Mall, since they both were tired from all the sightseeing. Since the flight was in the afternoon tomorrow, it was wise to buy whatever they wanted now to pack that night too.

 

Back in the inn, they had both split their things since Mark brought a bigger luggage bag. Once they were all settled down, they lied down in the same bed for their very last time (for now).

 

“I missed this,” Mark spoke up.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Just… the two of us. We used to do a lot of this before the kids, it's nice, that's all.”

 

“Oh. Me too.”

 

“Do you really?”

 

Youngjae took a deep breath, “Yes Mark. I know I seem like I absolutely hate your guts, I do enjoy your company, and I get much enjoyed the past two days. It's really nice to get away for a while and having some time for myself.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“No need for apologies…”

 

“There's a hanging ‘but’ or ‘and’.”

 

_Right. Mark knew him best, remember?_

 

“I don't hate you hyung… I just… it was hard when we fought, when you left… I just hated you so much then for everything. But I realised… a little too belatedly: I was to blame too. You still fought for us when I didn't. Don't get me wrong, I hated what you did. I still do. But… I want to learn to forgive you… for the kids. So they don't grow up with one of their parent hating the other. It's not right.”

 

Youngjae paused, before dropping a bomb, “I shouldn’t have asked you to leave.”

 

Oh. _Mark definitely did not expect that._

 

“My head was just really cloudy, we were fighting a lot… I, I couldn’t think straight. I just needed you to go away, _vile_ as that sounds.”

 

Mark didn’t know what to answer to that.

 

“Looking back… I think we needed this break. I don't know… I definitely _hated you_ at one point of time, and at that same time, the thought of still raising children with you disgusted me… I just wanted you out of my life basically.”

 

“What?” Mark choked, he didn't think Youngjae had thoughts like that.

 

Youngjae turned around to look at Mark apologetically, “I **_hated_ ** the idea of _you wanting to go to LA_ . I hated that I couldn't stop thinking about you and LA and how you'd be much happier there… I needed this break. I needed to let you return to LA. I _felt_ like I was pulling you back… and when the letter came… I… I knew it was time. You wouldn't leave if we were still engaged so… that's why,” Youngjae sniffed, “That's why I broke off the engagement.”

 

“Oh.” Mark looked down.

-

* * *

 

Life _without_ Mark was a disaster. Life _with_ Mark… was a disaster.

 

_It was always an adventure with the older. From getting asked on a date barely a minute they met, to moving out and living together, adopting two amazing children to destroying all that together and coming back again._

 

_Mark… came back… for them. For him._

 

_Youngjae admits: he may have overreacted about LA._

 

_The first time Mark brought LA up, Youngjae quickly shot it down… only because he has had a pretty shitty day that day. The main producer rejected all 5 of his songs, and suddenly, Mark wanted to move to LA? Is he insane?!_

 

_Youngjae groaned. He knew it shouldn't be a big deal, but with Mark bringing this all up? It couldn't come at the worst time. He was upset, angry and sad all at once. But the one feeling he could never get over was guilt._

 

_Then, came the insecurities. Mark had applied for jobs in LA without telling him? Does he want better opportunities? Does he want all of us to drop everything in Seoul? Or does he want to leave us? Maybe he had a second family there…_

 

_Was it the kids?_

 

_Youngjae was the one that had brought up and even pushed the idea of them. Unfortunately, only after the adopted the twins did he realise, he may have been too caught up with the idea that he didn’t consider the older. Well he did, but knowing Mark, he'd agree to anything his fiance suggested._

 

_Lucas and Lucy were barely one, and yes, they were born in LA, Youngjae couldn’t dispute that. But no, as much as Youngjae liked LA enough because Mark was born there, it was too dangerous. He felt more secure raising his kids here. Definitely._

 

_Youngjae probably didn't realise that Mark had hoped he would want to raise the kids there so he can grow more professionally there too. But now that the younger didn't want to move, Mark might have considered leaving them._

 

_It was eating him out alive. The guilt that Mark could be more than this if they didn’t have children. The guilt that Mark could do much better in a city way bigger than Seoul. The guilt that somehow, Youngjae was pulling him down, not letting Mark soar to success._

 

_Then, came the thought of Mark maybe wanting to go back without him. How? Youngjae didn’t know either._

 

_No, it was definitely his insecurities._

 

_Maybe Mark has had enough… of this all. Of being parents, of staying in Seoul… of being with him. Well, he never gave the inclination of that, but the older always hid his feelings well, so it was practically justified on Youngjae’s side._

 

_The final strike came, the letter. That letter sealed it all for the younger: Mark wanted to leave them._

 

_Everything happened so fast._

 

_He was already so sure Mark wanted to leave him, wanted to leave Seoul, for a better life. But honest to God, the thought of how Mark had applied for jobs in the U.S. without telling him makes him sick. He had been planning this entire time… His mom didn’t help either._

 

**“You told your parents you wanted this job. You're telling me now you don’t want it, but your mom called me. And told me.”**

 

_“Yeah, you know he applied for jobs here in LA, right? So maybe one day, you would move back here! We’re so excited, I can’t wait for you all to return home.”_

 

_“Mom… Mark applied for jobs in LA?”_

 

_But it felt like a decision long time coming, a burden, a worry lifted off his shoulder, as Youngjae removed his ring._

 

_He felt liberated, but anxious at the same time._

 

_Eventually, after Mark left, he felt lonely. Only then, had he regretted the decision he had made. As he stood awake at 2.40am feeding Lucy, had he realised, he missed Mark so much, his heart hurts._

 

_Youngjae regrets. He regrets making Mark pick, making Mark leave… he shouldn’t have done what he did. Albeit he was younger, he should’ve thought better; they had two kids for God’s sake. Once in a while, he wonders what would have happened if Mark was still in their lives, but that was a thought long gone._

 

_Well, he had always miss Mark. He missed the extra comfort and warmth he’d always get at night when they go to bed, or waking up to another pair of eyes already awake looking at him, treating him to morning kisses after. He missed the way Mark would make him feel good in so many ways no one else can. He missed the smooth, fair skin that he loved to caress and smell after a night full of making love. Sounds cheesy, honestly, but the little things that he and Mark used to do, he had missed. He misses Mark, he lets himself admit only to that extent._

 

_He had so many conflicting feelings, he didn’t know what and how to feel, and why he feels what he feels. He felt free, finally, only to be bound by the fact that he was a single-parent, sort of, but also, being away from Mark after fighting for so long… he was relieved._

 

_Maybe they only needed a break, and Youngjae thought too soon._

 

_The only reason why he didn’t ask Mark back sooner was… well, he wasn’t brave enough to admit that yet._

 

_Love… Youngjae always thought it was a huge commitment. Love was something huge, it can’t be given away so carelessly. To think they had profess their love to each other barely 1 month into the relationship… Youngjae guesses it was really too easy to love Mark. He never regretted that, throughout the relationship, he had learnt to love him more and more each day, and that could never change._

 

* * *

 

“I'm sorry now. I really am. The kids don't deserve the treatment I give you… and so do you. It's unfair. It's selfish. But I need you to understand that I felt like I was pulling you back. I couldn't live with you staying with us when I felt like your mind was in LA.”

 

“I… I understand.”

 

 

“Now, your turn.”

 

Mark confused, “What?”

 

“It's confession hour. Now go.” They used to do this, just a night where they confessed everything on their minds.

 

“Oh um okay… Uh…” Mark thought hard - there were so many things he wanted to say, but the words were just not there. He was never good at these things anyway.

 

“I always feel like… I'm constantly walking on thin ice around you?” Mark was about to retract what he said when the younger spoke up.

 

“Why?” Youngjae wasn't going to lie and say he hadn't always felt Mark's hesitance… but maybe he should be a little more welcoming himself.

 

“I don't know if what I say can piss you off. Make you mad, make you upset… I don't want the kids taken away from me.”

 

“I'll never take the kids away from you-”

 

“I still feel afraid, okay? I just don't want to lose the kids… and you again.”

 

“You're not going to lose them…” Youngjae refused to let the tears flow out.

 

“And you? Will I lose you again?” The younger kept silent.

 

He doesn’t know.


	15. New beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some notes!!! 
> 
> updates will be slower and may eventually stop until about mid-june? i have decided to stop writing for now to focus on exams, but i've about 3-4 chapters already ready, so i'll upload them as i go. my exams end at the end of may, and will hopefully begin writing then.
> 
> feedback is most appreciated! i do not have a beta-reader, hence, i'm not sure how my writing is, please hmu on curiouscat hehe. i wanna know where i can improve.
> 
> finally, thank you for 100 kudos!! this is my 2nd fic ever to reach that, and i'm forever grateful! i did another markjae chaptered fic (let's not repeat the same mistake again) and it's on sugar daddy!youngjae and sugar baby! mark :-)
> 
> once again, tysm! see you soon <3
> 
> (p.s. happy advanced birthday jackson!!)

“APPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” They heard a scream, before a little body launched onto his legs.

 

“Hi sweetheart,” Youngjae picked Lucas up as Mark did the same with Lucy.

 

“We missed you so much!”

 

“Appa and I missed you both too.”

 

“So, anything interesting happened in Jeju?” Youngjae’s father voiced up.

 

“Yes, Appa. I worked with the Produc-”

 

“No, not that. I meant like the both of you.”

 

“Uh, we went around Jeju, that’s it,” Mark said.

 

“Mhhmm, okay,” His mom smiled slyly.

 

“Let’s go home and cuddle!”

  
  


And that’s what they did, all four of the Tuan-Chois cuddling on the sofa watching The Return of Superman.

 

“Sian-ah is so cute~”  Lucy rubbed her face onto Mark’s side.

 

“Are you tired?”

 

“Nuh-uh,” She shook her head, “Just miss you guys.”

 

“Anyway, you both should sleep soon, it’s past your bedtime,” Youngjae spoke up, both his kids groaning.

 

“Can we all sleep together? We missed you.”

 

Mark looked at Youngjae and vice-versa.

 

“No…” Youngjae replied, Lucas sighed, clearly expecting it when: “Not here at least. Let’s go to Daddy’s room, his bed’s the biggest.” And suddenly, his kids were wide awake and active.

 

So that's how they all landed up cuddled against each other - Youngjae, Lucas, Lucy and Mark. 

 

“Goodnight Appa, Daddy, Lukey.”

 

“Goodnight love.”

 

Youngjae and Mark looked at each other, before the latter mouthed, ‘Goodnight.’

 

_ It was the best sleep they had both ever gotten in a while. _

 

-

 

“Awake already?” Mark asked, rubbing his eyes.

 

“Yeah… Breakfast?” The older nodded his head. Youngjae slides him his bowl of seaweed soup and rice.

 

“How did you sleep?”

 

“Good. It’s been a while since I slept with the kids.” _ And you _ , he left out.

 

“Me too. Bambam and Jackson are still asking about you by the way.”

 

“Oh. Yeah, just text me whenever. This week?”

 

“Really?” Mark widened his eyes.

 

“Yes, Mark.” Youngjae sighed, “I’m not only trying to work things out with you, I’m trying in general too - which means having lunch with our former, well, my former good friends.”

 

“Okay, I’ll go text them later.” Youngjae hummed.

 

“Oh sweetheart, you're already awake?” Youngjae noticed his daughter walk out of the room.

 

“Yeah… you and Daddy weren't there… So, I woke up.”

 

“Sorry baby, come sit beside Daddy. I have soup and rice for you.”

  
  


Tuesday came around and Youngjae dragged himself to the bistro near Mark's office. He was nervous - he hadn't seen Jackson and Bambam for so long, and admittedly, had shot them down when they asked him out, to the point they stopped. 

 

“Ayeeeeeee Youngjae hyung is here!” Bambam announced as soon as the former stepped in.

 

The Hong Kong native invited himself to a bone-crushing hug, repeatedly saying how much he had missed him, before Bambam pulled him away to ‘give the guy some space to breathe’, before coming in for a hug too.

 

“I missed you both too. Sorry I haven't been reaching our lately.”

 

“Water under the bridge - there's a lot on your plate, we understand,” Jackson answered, before redirecting the topic to the food they were going to order.

 

“And then one day, we got an email saying there's a new Assistant Director right? They said Mark Tuan and I snapped! Called Jackson on his line and was like ‘Mark is coming back!’ I think I screamed,” Bambam dramatically retold his story about when they realised Mark was returning to Seoul.

 

“Anyway… we're glad you agreed to join us. It's been too long,” Jackson added, “Next time, we can see your kids!”

 

“Mhmm yeah! I love kids - I can babysit! When you both need time-off, call me. I'll do it… free of charge even! Wait, they're not whiny are they?” Bambam rushed out his inner thoughts.

 

“If I judged based on you guys in university, I think… it’s best if I get someone else to do it,” Youngjae joked.

 

“WHAT! What is that supposed to mean?” Bambam looked rightfully offended.

 

“It means: you might set our apartment in flames just because you plugged in your phone to the charger. One example out of many,” Mark supplied, everyone else shuddering at the thought since Bambam did almost set his dorm aflame.

 

“No! I  _ can  _ take care of kids, tell ‘em Jackson!”

 

Jackson sighed, “You can…” Bambam looked over at the couple and smiled smugly, “But you shouldn't.”

 

“JACKSON!” The Thai hit the other  _ hard,  _ and it became a light fist fight.

 

Youngjae bursted out laughing at their antics, realising how much they missed them during their college years.

 

“Well, you should meet them first before deciding whether you should babysit them or not,” Mark stated.

 

“I would never say No to your kids, hyung!” Bambam readily replied.

 

“No, not you. I mean us, parents, and the twins; whether  _ we  _ decide if you're fit or not.”

 

“That's mean, you're all mean,” the youngest sulked.

 

“Yeah, you should meet them first,” Youngjae paused, “Maybe this weekend?”

 

Bambam gasped.

 

-

 

“Happy birthday, Appa!” Two kids jumped on their dad's bed hard the next morning.

 

Youngjae woke up at their impact, but pretended to be asleep. The twins knew how this goes.

 

“Appa!!! Wake up!!!” “WAKEY APPA WE MADE BREAKFAST!!”  _ He stays asleep. _

 

“Daddy! Appa isn't waking up!” A weak slap to the face.  _ Ouch. _

 

“Don't slap him, Lukey!” A slap was heard, but it wasn't for Youngjae.

 

“Ouch! Don't slap me!”  _ Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. _

 

“Kids. Stop slapping each other,” Mark walked in. Youngjae assumed Mark was the one raising his wrist and checking for his pulse, “He's still alive…  _ Should Daddy carry him _ ?”

 

The twins gasped, ready to agree when:

 

“Nope! I'm up, Appa's up!” Youngjae sat up suddenly, to his kids’ dismay.

 

“Come, we made breakfast!” Lucy took both her father's hands into hers and pulled them to the door.  _ She’s strong, holy shit _ . Then, she conjoined both hands together, so Mark and Youngjae were both  _ holding hands.  _ Awkward.

 

Lucas pushed them both outside the door and towards the dining room, still holding hands, before forcing them to sit down. The twins took their places, fork and knife ready in hand. There was a variety of food - pancakes, bacon, ham, deep fried seaweed, hot kimchi soup and bulgogi. 

 

It was a weird mixed variety of American and Korean food, but these were all…  _ birthday  _ food. Mark and Youngjae always had this variety on Youngjae's birthday, with the exception of the last few years. Mark had his own variety too, but Youngjae  _ forgot  _ this year (or simply refused to remember).

 

“Thank you for the food!!!” They both cheered, waiting for their dads to start. And when Mark did, they quickly dig in.

 

“We helped Daddy make these!” Lucy informed.

 

“Really? Wow. Thank you.”

 

They cheered, “Welcome!”

 

Honestly, Youngjae couldn't believe Mark remembered all these, he didn't, but he guessed… after the breakthrough(?) from Jeju, Mark was trying. 

 

‘ _ God, Youngjae. You should really step up _ ,’ he thinks.

 

“Appa! We got presents!!!!!” Lucas screamed, before rushing to the living room to grab them.

 

“Finish your food first, Lucas, then Appa can open his presents later,” Mark tells him, and his son groaned.

 

That meant that the kids rushed to finish their food, and even though he would usually nag at them for that, Youngjae felt bad so, he rushed too.

 

“Open mine first!” “No! Open mine!!” 

 

“Kids, you should stop arguing like this. You both have to learn to give and take, taking turns too,” Mark gently reprimanded. Youngjae widened his eyes, is Mark…  _ bad-copping _ for once?

 

“Lucas, Lucy you’re both siblings. You both have to protect each other. If not, who would take care of you guys when we’re gone?” He continued, “You cannot argue forever, and I don’t want you to keep arguing when you grow older.”

 

The twins’ eyes were already glistening, their faces looking very guilty.

 

“Ok, how about I close my eyes, and you switch around the gifts and I'll choose them with my eyes closed, okay?” Youngjae compromised. They sadly nodded, their father closing their eyes.

 

“Kids, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be… mean,” Mark sighed. Youngjae opened his eyes to see Lucy already sniffling and tearing.

 

“I’m sorry, Daddy!” Lucas replied, and so did his sister after.

 

“It’s alright, baby. You can start learning from now on, okay?”

 

“Okay! Lucy, you go first.”

 

“No! You go first.”

 

Wait, this was not how it was supposed to go.

 

“Okay. Lucy goes first, then next time, Lucas will go first, okay?” Youngjae suggested, and his twins nodded.

 

When he opened Lucy’s, he was surprised to see a blue coloured, cup-looking shape… thing. ‘I love you Appa’ was written on it, by her, obviously, with many little hearts around it. She also drew her and her dad’s stick figured on it, with a big heart over it.

 

“Wah, Lucy, did you make this?” She nodded and asked whether he liked it. “I love it, this is so beautiful. Thank you so much, sweetheart. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too!”

 

Youngjae then opened Lucas’, to find a candle. The jar was painted with music notes, microphones, a human figure - presumably Youngjae, and little hearts too. The candle smells fruity, but he really, really loved it. Loved both of them. He started to tear up.

 

“Thank you my love, I love you. I love you both so very much.” He opened his arms and his twins jumped into it, their father giving them forehead kisses.

 

“Daddy! What did you get Appa?” Youngjae didn’t expect anything from Mark, but of course, he never ceased to surprise him.

 

He passed the birthday boy a box, which the latter slowly opened and found…

 

Crescent moon earrings.

 

Oh.

 

Mark knew that Youngjae knew the meaning behind crescent moons.

 

_ New beginnings. _

 

_ Making dreams into reality. _

 

_ A fresh start. _

 

That was literally the basis for Youngjae’s 3rd hit song.

 

And Youngjae knew that Mark knew that.

 

“Is so pretty!” Lucy swooned.

 

“It is, it’s, Lucy,” Mark corrected.

 

Well, Youngjae was of course, speechless. He literally had no words, and he didn’t know whether to cry or slap his ex’s face.

 

It was too much. He’s too much.

 

-

 

“Jae.” Mark stood right outside the younger’s room, where said younger was now brooding on his bed, earrings placed right in front of him.

 

The younger blinked, looking at the other.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“W-what do you want from me?” Youngjae sniffed.

 

“What do you mean?” Mark furrowed his eyebrows, entering the room and closing the door behind him.

 

“These earrings. You and I both know what this means.”

 

“I… I saw this and thought of you -”

 

“I don't want it, go return it,” Youngjae slammed the box close and placed it to his side, nearer to Mark.

 

“Jae…”

 

“Just tell me what you want from me.”

 

“Nothing! I don't want or expect anything from you! See. even earrings can piss you off. They're just earrings - you like moons. You like earrings. I got them for you.”

 

Youngjae sighed, “Fine.” He took the box back onto his lap.

 

“I think you won't be too happy with this then,” Mark held another smaller box, a  _ ring  _ box, placing it at the side of the younger’s bed.

 

“Goodnight.” Mark left the room.

 

Youngjae almost didn't want to open the box, fearing what was inside it. But curiously killed the cat, and his itchy hands were suddenly on the box's lid.

 

_ Here goes nothing. _

 

Oh.

 

Fuck.

 

The last time he saw  _ this  _ was when he removed it and left it on their dresser.

 

Youngjae groaned, resisting with every might not to flung it towards the wall, instead opting to place it deep inside his bottom drawer, hoping to never see it again.

 


	16. Truths and Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls read this! 
> 
> i've made a few inconsistencies in the story...... so go ahead and re-read it if you're particular! chapter 5-7 i believe. sorry abt that! 
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed this and of course, comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> for dora, another chapter with no date yet <3

_“Fuck, sorry. Shit, fuck. I shouldn’t have cursed, ah sh-” Mark fumbled through his words, trying to balance two drinks and his wallet in front of his date. He of course, ended up dropping his wallet._

 

_“Here.” Youngjae picked up and slot it into the older’s pocket, chuckling at how cute and flustered Mark was._

 

_“Ah, thanks.” He blushed._

 

_“Let’s go?” Mark nodded, following the younger like a pup following his owner for treats._

 

_Mark Tuan, a.k.a. the most cliche person in the world, at that second at least, had brought Youngae to the classic dinner-movie date - opting for very nice Chinese restaurant and a romantic movie to set the mood._

 

_“Mark-ssi. Are you alright? You’re shaking,” Youngjae asked halfway through the movie._

 

_“I-I’m fine,” Mark replied, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans._

 

_Youngjae wanted to trust him, going back to watching the movie._

 

_Once they exited, Mark offered to walk him home, since the theater was nearby his house. Like the rest of the date, Youngjae talked on and on, while Mark stayed mostly quiet, only humming and replying at appropriate times._

 

_“Uh…” Mark started, right as they were outside Youngjae’s apartment._

 

_“Hmmm?”_

 

_“D-do you want to go on a second date?”_

 

_“I… not to sound rude but… no.”_

 

_Oh. Yikes._

 

_“Uh, oh okay.” Mark knew he had fuck up somehow, but he wanted to know why._

 

_“I… I was talking like…80 maybe 90% of the time? If, if this is the norm then… I don’t know. I’m sure you’re an interesting guy but, I want someone to talk back to me, know what I mean?”_

 

_Oh. So that’s the reason._

 

_The same reason 4 other guys Mark had a first date with and bailed._

 

_‘But not this time,’ he thinks._

 

_“Just give me one more date,” Mark breathed out, “I’ll prove it to you that I’m worth, I promise.”_

 

_And so he kept it._

 

* * *

 

As much as he could, Youngjae tries to avoid Mark. But he forgets - they stayed at the same house and are co-parenting the same children, so it was almost impossible.

 

If the twins realised the sudden twist in atmosphere the day after their father’s birthday, so did Mark.

 

There was no time to interrogate though, since Youngjae promised Bambam and Jackson they could meet the kids today.

 

“Hi! I’m Jackson!” “I’m Bambam!”

 

“We know. Daddy told us already,” Lucy stated sassily as a matter of fact. Jackson looked deflated, but the Thai just shrugged, undeterred.

 

“Great! So what do you guys like to do?”

 

The twins looked at each other, before Lucas looked back, smiling innocently, “We like to paint on people’s faces!”

 

_Were Jackson and Bambam in for a ride._

 

 

The twins whined, both hanging onto either man’s legs when it was time for Jackson and Bambam, also now nicknamed ‘Jackbam’, to go home.

 

“Lucy, let go. Come on guys.” Mark exasperated.

 

“We don’t want them to go home!” “Yeah, we want them to stay!”

 

Of course, Bambam felt smug. He was right, kids do like him.

 

“Next time, okay?” Youngjae compromised.

 

“Yeah, next time! When Appa and Daddy go on a date, maybe?” Jackson joked, but kids being kids, took it seriously, and collectively gasped.

 

Lucy looked back directly (and deadly) at her parents, “Go. On. A. Date. Now.”

 

The (ex-) couple were taken back, but Youngjae quickly shot back, “No.” Everyone except Mark groaned.

 

“You guys seriously need to get laid.” Youngjae gasped, and hurriedly covered the twins’ ears, forcing them to bump heads since Youngjae had only 2 hands and covered Lucy’s left and Lucas’ right ears. Mark glared at him, while Jackson hit his shoulder.

 

“Sorry. I forgot.”

 

“What’s _laid_?” Lucas asked. Youngjae sighed, pulling the kids to his room and explaining that: _Laid is the past tense of lying down, but not to say it so recklessly like Uncle Bambam, because he used it in a bad way._

 

Youngjae could only rely that his kids might understand it, before dismissing them to their rooms and going to give Bambam a earful.

 

When he went out however, Jackbam were gone.

 

“It’s fine, I already scolded Bambam on behalf of the both of us.”

 

He sighed, “I can’t believe he’d say something like that.”

 

“So, them babysitting is out of the books?”

 

Youngjae pondered for a while, it was a mistake on Bambam’s part, but he could really use the extra hands, not wanting to rely on his parents forever.

 

“I think we’ll keep them. I don’t want to trouble my parents all the time.” Mark nodded.

 

They both stood there awkwardly, the thing still fresh off their minds from the night before.

 

“Why… nevermind,” Youngjae backed off before he could say anything and was about to retreat to his room when Mark held his hand.

 

“What is it?”

 

“It’s nothing…”

 

“Just say it, Jae. I can handle it.”

 

Youngjae inhaled sharply, “Why did you give me back the ring? The engagement ring?”

 

“It’s yours.”

 

“It’s not mine… anymore.”

 

“I… you can keep it. Really.”

 

“Oh. Okay.” Youngjae stepped back, before walking back to his room, locking himself in the room until dinner.

 

Later that night, Youngjae took out the ring again. So much for burying deep into his drawer, huh?

 

He stared at it, in disbelief that 4 years later, he was holding it in his hands.

 

* * *

 

_Youngjae couldn’t stop looking and playing his ring. He was so, so happy Mark finally proposed. He was going to marry the love of his life, and raise their kids with him. It was all so surreal, too good to be true._

 

_"I really really love this ring, hyung.”_

 

_“Me too. I saw this and immediately bought it.”_

 

_Youngjae giggled._

 

_If he could describe life now in one word, it was content._

 

_He really was wholly content with his life now. Everything’s great. His fiance’s great. His kids are great._

 

_Everything was great._

 

* * *

 

He hesitantly inserted the ring onto his ring finger, and oh how he missed the feeling of having something on the finger. The first few months after the breakup, he had always unconsciously felt the finger, wallowing on how there used to have such a significant ring, but now there wasn't.

He missed it. So, so much.

 

The feeling of having the ring back on his finger was taking Youngjae's breath away, and before he knew it, he was crying. Like, full on crying.

 

He couldn't believe it. Believe that everything now was happening to him. He didn't know what to do. He needed to figure it all out. Fast.

 -

 

Mark always had the ring by his side, hoping one day, he would see it on Youngjae's finger again.

 

It was a good move for Mark to return it back to the younger, but it needed to be done. He didn't feel right keeping it when it was rightfully Youngjae's.

 

He wanted to know how the other felt with it, he wanted the younger to know how he felt. Giving back his ring meant hope. So much of it.

 

He knew what giving the earrings meant. It meant he wanted a new start with Youngjae, and move away from all this mess.

 

He just wanted to start anew again, with him. Was it too much to ask?

 

_Apparently so._

 -

 

Insistent knocks were heard on the studio’s door Monday noon, in the middle of the recording of one if Youngjae's new songs.

 

“What is it?” Youngjae hated being interrupted, especially in the middle of work.

 

“Someone named Mark tried to call you. Said it was urgent, it's about Lucas.”

 

Oh. Shit. Youngjae always left his phone on _Do Not Disturb_ when recording, so to have _Mark_ call his office, it must’ve been an emergency.

 

“Mark, what happened with Lucas?” Youngjae asked as soon as the older picked up the phone.

 

“He fell and broke his arm. We're at the hospital now.”

 

“Okay, I'll be on my way.”

 

“Wait no Youngjae, I got this. You're recording a new song today, right? We're just waiting for the Doctor to come back and give Lucas a last check, then we will pick Lucy up. Wanna speak to him?” _Youngjae failed to ask how he knew about him recording a new song._

 

“Yes but are you sure you don't need me there?”

 

“Yeah. Here Lucas, it's Appa,” he directed the second part to their son.

 

“Lucas baby, are you alright? What happened? How bad is it?” Youngjae rushed out.

 

“Appa!” He chuckled, “I'm fine! I just fell, is all. It's fine, the Doctor said it was just a simple fracture and I can have my cast off in one month if I am a good boy!”

 

Youngjae relieved, “Okay. Lucas is a strong boy, right?”

 

“Ah Appa! I'm not a boy anymore! I'm a man! I am a strong man!”

 

Youngjae laughed, “Yes, baby, you are.”

 

“I'm not baby!”

 

“Okay, Appa will see you back at home, okay?” Lucas hummed, before giving the phone back to Mark.

 

“Mark, are you su-”

 

“Yes I am, Jae. Trust me.” Mark had the serious tone, probably annoyed that his ex-fiance didn't believe him. Youngjae tried to conceal the guilt he had hearing that.

 

“Okay, I'll see you back home.”

 

 

Lucas seemed delighted over his cast, getting his sister and parents to draw on it.

 

“Imma ask my friends to draw on it too!” He jumped for joy,  while Youngjae stressed to him that he can't run or hop around with the cast on.

 

“Remember what the Doctor said? You cannot play with the cast on,” Mark pointed out.

 

“Not even catch?”

 

“ _Especially not_ catch,” Youngjae sterned back, “I'll ask the teachers to keep their eyes on you.”

 

His son groaned.

 

“Come, let's eat.”

 

“Mark, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to not believe you about earlier. I always… tended to the kids, and I'm still not used to the extra pair of hands.”

 

“Youngjae, it's been months since I came back, and you're still not used to it?” Mark raised his voice. “Seriously, Youngjae. I'm their father too. It’s my responsibility as much as it is yours. I need you to trust me,” he desperately begged.

 

 _I need you to trust me. I need you to trust me._ These words rang in the younger’s head. He wanted to trust him, believe it. He had to. He had to step out, not lurking in the past anymore.

 

“Okay, I'll try and learn to trust you.”

 

-

 

_Nobody knows_

_You don’t know anything_

_I was lonely, I was alone_

_I didn’t wanna show this side of me_

_So I hid it_

_You don’t have to look at me like that anymore_

_That’s enough for me_

 

Youngjae sighed, he decided to work from home again today, and fully utilise what Mark built for him. It was… decent, very decent really. It was even better than some studios he had worked in before.

 

The photo of them 4 was still there, but Youngjae suddenly felt the need to put the updated one there. Since Mark had sent him the softcopy, so it was just a matter of going to the printing shop and getting it printed.

 

“Youngjae Hyung?” The shopkeeper greeted.

 

“Yugyeom?” Youngjae was shocked to say the least - the world was very small indeed.

 

“Hey, hyung. I, uh… am sorry I bailed on the project in school.”

 

Youngjae laughed, “It was a long time ago, it’s fine. How are you and Jinyoung hyung?”

 

“We’re really good. Thank you so much,

 

“I’m in awe of how small the world is.” Yugyeom hummed in affirmation.

 

“I couldn’t believe it when Jinyoungie-hyung told me you both dated. I was sure you and Mark were going to be together forever.”

 

“Yeah, life was cruel. Here, I want you to print the picture on this thumb drive.” Yugyeom nodded and plugged it into the computer.

 

“Oh? That’s you and Mark… if I remember that’s how he looked like. And two kids?”

 

“Yeah, our children. I’m surprised Jinyoung hyung didn’t mention it.”

 

“Sorry, we were too busy making out - I mean up. Yeah, up. He only mentioned that you both dated and you led him to me.” Yugyeom smiled fondly, and Youngjae yearns to know when it’ll be his turn to be that content… again.

 

Yugyeom stood up to take the printed picture, placed in a little plastic before giving it to the older.

 

“How much is it?” Youngjae reached down his pocket for his wallet, but Yugyeom stopped him, “It’s on me.”

 

“What why?”

 

“You reunited me and Jinyoungie again, that’s more I could ask for. Really.”

 

Youngjae nodded, thanking him once again before heading next door to Daiso, he figured he’d get a photo frame at a good price there.

 

And of course, with places like these, you’re bound to shop for other miscellaneous and useless stuff too.

 

With a basket full of little essentials, and a photo frame, he walked to the cashier determined not to get anything else, before stopping in his tracks and looking into the drinks case.

 

‘ _No, I don’t owe him anything_ ,’ Youngjae convinced himself before starting on his steps again, instead towards the drinks case and picking up not just 2, but 4 - it had to be bought in pairs - cans of milk he knew Mark loved.

 

“You remembered.” Mark claimed in awe, holding one of the cans in his hands when he came home.

 

“Of course I did, I had 10 of this in the fridge every week in college. And you’d drink it all.”

 

“It’s not my fault they’re small.”

 

“Well, I’m surprised I didn’t see any since I moved in.”

 

Mark shrugged. “Didn’t think of going to Daiso to get these.”

 

Youngjae smiled, before retreating to his room.

 

“Wait, Jae. Do you want to go out sometime? Like… dinner?” Mark paused, “Not a date, I promise. Just away from the kids for a bit.”

 

_‘Don’t say yes. Don’t say yes.’_

 

 

 

“Sure. Yeah, we can do dinner.”


	17. No One Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh warning: voyeurism??? unless you're into that kind of stuff, then proceed ;)
> 
> also!!!! I'm attending mamamoo tomorrow hehehehehehe 
> 
> and no more updates till after my first 2 papers ;(

Mark was pretty dressed up for their _not-a-date_ dinner, and Youngjae pondered whether he should quickly return home and throw on a blazer.

 

“You look fine, Jae.” He didn't believe it, but the younger nodded in agreement nonetheless.

 

Mark drove them, in silence, to a very nice Thai restaurant. They got seated down, and were choosing their menus of the night.

 

“What are you getting?” Mark asked.

 

“I'm still deciding between Pad Thai or Seafood Tom Yam… or should I just get prawn…”

 

“Order both then. We can share.”

 

“But what are you getting?”

 

“Green curry, and maybe fried rice instead of plain.”

 

Youngjae hummed.

 

They did order all four, Mark convincing the younger that they could finish it and honestly? Youngjae was starving, even if he doesn’t eat much.

 

“So…” “Mhmm?”

 

It's a little too ironic that they used to talk about anything and everything under the sun when they dated, but now neither could even find a common topic - other than the kids - to talk about.

 

Youngjae rushed out before he regrets it, “Why… did you ask me out?”

 

“No reason, thought a dinner away from the kids would be nice.”

 

In their defense, Youngjae was always the one initiating conversation, Mark usually always listening to his boyfriend and joining in when appropriate. Now that they've split, Youngjae didn't even bother to think of anything to say.

 

“How… are the songs coming along?”

 

“Good.” Mark nodded at that, sipping his lemon tea as an awkward reflex.

 

“How's… work?”

 

“Good. Sales are good, so my job isn't as tough.” Youngjae nodded at that.

 

_Oh God, take them away from this awkwardness._

 

“This may be early but… can we go to a bar after? I need a drink, Jackbam said they can take care of the kids till tomorrow,” Youngjae asked.

 

“You want me to go a bar with you?”

 

“Yeah, I don't like to drink alone, remember?” Mark nodded.

 

“Sure. I mean if I knew you wanted to drink, we could've gone to the bar straight for chicken or something.”

 

“No, I want Thai too. And just suddenly felt like drinking right now.”

 

“Okay.” The food soon came, and they quickly finished them since they were both itching to drink away this night.

-

Youngjae hiccuped, already drunk barely 30 minutes of reaching the bar at the corner of the street.

 

“Hyung… I don't feel so good.” _Yes of course you don't, this was already your 9th shot of rum._

 

“D-do you need the washroom?” Mark was a little drunk too.

 

Youngjae nodded, took the older’s hand into his and pulled him to the bathroom. Mark was sober enough to realise what was going on, but made no effort to stop him since he’d rather not be separated from each other in their state.

 

What he didn’t expect at all was Youngjae giving him a _blowjob_. Yep, you saw that right.

 

He swore he never asked for it, the younger just going down on him once he pulled Mark into a stall (which ironically, the older didn’t immediately realise), pushed him against the door, unzipped his pants and relieved Mark of his half-hard boner he didn’t know he had, and just went all in in the span of 5 seconds.

 

“Jae, fuck, What are you doing?” Mark breathed out.

 

Youngjae pulled away with a ‘pop’, “I'm giving you a blowjob, hyung. What? You forgot what a blowjob is?” he continued kitten-licking around his length.

 

“Fuck I mean… one day, you're put off by my existence and the… FUUUUCK.” Mark groaned when the younger gave it one long lick.

 

“It's just a blowjob, hyung.”

 

“You're going to regret this when you're sober.”

 

“Don't remind me then.”

 

“Wh-why… fuck. Why are you doing this?”

 

“I get horny when I'm drunk,” the younger simply stated. How could Mark have forgotten this? He remembered everything else but how horny his ex would get drunk - his record was 5 rounds. FIVE rounds in 2 hours.

 

“Fuck, what are we-”  Youngjae was always skilled in getting Mark worked up really fast, and coupled with Mark’s (and Youngjae’s) lack of sexual activity the past 4 years, the latter came fast. Something so unexpected and surreal, especially since he’s drunk, took Mark quite some time to recover, only realising he may need to help the younger with his own… pleasure.

 

“It’s fine, I already helped myself.” Oh, okay then.

 

“Let’s go home,” Youngjae suggested, before falling into a half-conscious state. Mark, now sober, dragging him home in a cab.

 

-

 

“Ah shit.” Of course Youngjae wakes up with a hangover. He scarily doesn’t remember anything after the 3rd shot, and he doesn’t know whether to be worried when he belatedly realises the mildly salty taste in his mouth.

 

He decided not to worry about it. It was probably from dinner.

 

“Appa! Appa!” He heard insistent knocking and calling, but Mark was there outside with the kids to stop them from coming in.

 

“Appa’s still sleeping, kids. Let’s not disturb him.”

 

“It’s 10! Appa doesn’t usually sleep in late,” Lucas pointed out.

 

“Well… he’s not feeling too well today.”

 

“What happened? Is he okay?” Lucy worried.

 

“He’s fine, baby…” The rest was unheard as the 3 of them walked away from his door.

 

Youngjae groaned, stretching his arms out and heading to the bathroom.

 

He felt like shit, he looked like shit, and only one of that he can fix… for now. He took a shower and head out, hoping the kids won’t scream at him and worsen his headache.

 

They didn’t, thank heavens, but he did find a cup of piping hot Americano - which was perfect. The kids and Mark were nowhere to be found weirdly, but there was a note:

 

_Brought the kids out to the playground. Will be back before lunch, with lunch._

_~ Mark._

 

Thank fuck for him.

 

Youngjae settled down on the sofa.

 

_What the hell happened last night? How much did he drink? How did he get home?_

 

He felt like something happened last night, but he can’t remember what it was. He remembered asking a bartender for another shot-

 

And nothing.

 

He hoped nothing happened, please whoever's up there, he didn't ask for much.

 

_Sort of._

 

 

“Appa! We're back with food~”

 

“What did you get?”

 

“We got Kebab! We got you your favourite mixed bowl with fries!”

 

That sounded so good already.

 

Mark subtlety nudged him, “How're you feeling?”

 

“I'm fine. Thanks for taking the kids out.”

 

“Yeah, figured you needed it after last night.” Mark shrugged.

 

“Hyung, did anything happen?”

 

“What…” Mark cleared his throat, and looked away, “Do you mean?”

 

“Like… I stripped or made a mess of myself… I don't know. I feel like something happened but I can't remember anything.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“SHIT! I did something did I. Oh God.”

 

“Appa! You said a bad word!" The kids were not exactly at earshot, but Youngjae did curse a little too loudly.

 

“I did, sorry baby.” Youngjae ruffled Lucas’ hair before going back into the conversation, “What did I do?”

 

“Uh… you told me not to tell you when you're sober.”

 

“Well. I'm telling you now to tell me. So tell me."

 

“Hmmm... I'll tell you after lunch, ok? You need this.” He gave the younger his food.

 

Well, this waiting game was going to kill him.

 

Well. It didn't as much as he wanted to know what he did.

 

 

Somehow, Mark succeeds in avoiding him in their own house. It isn't even that big either, and Youngjae could only catch him after the kids went to sleep. Yes, he even missed Mark at dinner.

 

“Mark. Don't avoid me!!”

 

“I'm not-”

 

“Yes, you are. Now tell me before it kills me!!”

 

The older sighed, “You gave me a blow...job.”

 

“HA. Mark, don't fuck around with me.”

 

“I've no reason to lie to you. I don't want to do that anymore since that's the reason why we separated.”

 

“I… gave you a blowjob? Where? In your room?”

 

“No. At the bar.”

 

“At the bar?” Youngjae was shocked to say the least. “Where exactly?”

 

“The toilet.”

 

“MARK, YOU'RE LYING!” He couldn't believe it, he would never do it… let alone in a place as dirty as a toilet.

 

“And give me one reason why I would be lying.”

 

“I… don't know.”

 

“Exactly. I've no reason to lie that you did indeed, went down on me in the toilet.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“I thought that too.”

 

“You didn't try to stop me!”

 

“I couldn't even if I tried. You just dragged me to the stall, pinned me against the door and unzipped me.”

 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” Youngjae groaned in anger.

 

“It's because you get horny when you're dru-’

 

“I know! I realised.” Youngjae puts his head in his hands.

 

“Why are you mad at me? _You_ did it on your own conscience,” Mark defended himself.

 

“I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself!” Youngjae mumbled to himself, “What was I thinking?”

 

“Jae -”

 

“Then did you get me off too?”

 

“No! You kinda… uh, did it yourself when you were uh…”

 

“I got it! Don't need a visual, thanks.”

-

“Wait. I just realised I was in my pajama shorts… did you strip me?!” Youngjae bewildered.

 

“No, in fact, you stripped in the cab back home. I had to pay the driver extra for the… _inconvenience_. You stripped, and went to bed. I… just put on some shorts for you. I didn't come onto you, I swear.”

 

“Fuck, did I ask you to have sex with me?”

 

“No, but you asked for cuddles. Then, you blacked out.”

 

“Oh thank God.” Youngjae sat down at the edge of Mark's bed, where he was lying down.

 

“What are we doing?” Youngjae asks.

 

“I don't know. I wish I could tell you, but I'm as conflicted as you are right now.”

 

The younger sighed.

 

“I don't know Mark. I don't know whether I want to be with you again or… I can't even trust you sometimes, and the next thing we all know I gave you a blowjob.”

 

Mark hummed.

 

“I want to try, Mark. You don't know how much I want to. But a part of me can't let go of the past. You fucked me over, Mark,” Youngjae suddenly confessed.

 

_It was now or never._

 

“I can fix this, Jae.” He stood up and kneeled against him on the floor, “I proved to you that I can make you love and trust me the first time round. It won't be easy this time, I know. But I'm really willing to make this work. To make us work. Please, please give me another chance,” he begged, extending his hand out.

 

_It was really now or never._

 

Youngjae takes it.

 

* * *

 

 _Beautiful_. That’s what Mark would describe Youngjae if anyone asked. He’s beautiful when he’s asleep, he’s beautiful when he talks to the kids, he’s beautiful when he washes the dishes, but he’s especially beautiful when he’s relaxed.

 

When he’s relaxed and happy.

 

Especially now, when the entire family were playing Monopoly and the other was the happiest he’d seen for a while, apart from when they were in Jeju.

 

He’d always adored Youngjae when he’s with the kids, because not only does he interact with them well, he was also most relaxed with them. That’s when he’s most beautiful.

 

When the twins were just babies, he’d never fail to make them laugh, or sing to them to make them calm. Mark was always thankful for the latter, the twins weren't very fussy or as whiny because Youngjae's singing calmed them, and he was the same.

 

Youngjae… was one of a kind. Mark was the kind of person who would get to know someone before committing, but once he saw the younger at the fair, he didn't hesitate to ask him out. It was very OOC for him (he was even surprised himself), but it was no doubt the best decision Mark had made in a while.

 

When Youngjae rejected his second date outright, the older's heart broke. However, he wasn't surprised when the reason was because he barely talked, but instead of letting dates go (like he usually did - whoever couldn't accept Mark's lack of speech wasn't worth it anyway - Mark was adamant on making the other his boyfriend.

 

And so he did. He didn't talk much, but he did talk more than usual, and that was already a win in his books. Youngjae realises Mark was just being himself, and understood he was a much better listener than talker. It was a lot of give and take, but somehow they made it work. When Youngjae talked, Mark listened. When Mark talked, Youngjae listened.

 

Then, came their parents. Youngjae's weren't accepting at first, since, of course, every traditional parent had wanted their sons to marry off to a beautiful girl, and his parents couldn't understand why their son had to be with another man.

 

They weren't completely unreasonable. They spent time with Mark to understand, and eventually ended up probably loving Mark more than their own son.

 

‘Whoever makes you happy,’ Youngjae's father finally said, and the couple couldn't be happier.

 

Their first ‘I love you's came at the most cliche timing, and way, as possible. It was their first time intimately together, to nicely put it, and they guessed they both loved each other so much at that point of time, even though it had only been one month, that it came very naturally for them.

 

Since then, they'd never stop reciting it to each other like a prayer - before they slept,, when they woke up, when they ate together if they had the time, even when they argued.

 

It was like a prayer. _I love you. I love you too, so much._

 

Everyone envied them, college sweethearts, the ideal not-cliche couple everyone wanted to be. By non-cliche, they were neither jock-nerd or jock-cheerleader, what have you.

 

Youngjae was a music major, while Mark majored in business. They wouldn't call themselves average, they were never into labels anyways.

 

They had stayed in separate dorms, and although they could move to a double room, they appreciated their own spaces in case anything goes awry, and when they needed time to study on their own.

 

They did promise to get an apartment together when they graduated, and they did. Good starting jobs, and being financially stable right out of university. They adopted the twins and they’ve never been happier. Their next goal was to get a pup, but with twin babies, it was not the time yet.

 

Then they both started to fight, badly, but never in a million years would Mark have separated from him, even since kids were involved. But it happened, shit happens, and that’s how they ended up here now.

 

He never stopped loving Youngjae. He wasn’t sure for a lot of things, but he was 100% sure of this. The distance apart made him love the younger even more, The (dire) lack of communication and interaction, especially physically, was dreadful to say the least, but he wanted to make the younger happy, meaning keeping himself away from him.

 

He wanted them to be back together of course, but so long as Youngjae was willing. Mark wasn’t the type to force something on someone anyway, so… at the younger’s pace, like it’s always been.

 

There is no one like Youngjae for Mark. Absolutely, no one else.


	18. Spa Day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh OK short filler chapter :/// 
> 
> i have half my exams down but my 2nd one was pure hell PLEASE PRAY!!! I PASS!!!! I NEED ALL THE HOPE I CAN GET zzzzzzz
> 
> BUT WE GOT MARKJAE YESTERDAY!!! A SCHEDULE!!!! TOGETHER!!!!!!!!! FEELING BLESSED.
> 
> DAJFFHJFJKF (2 days later) IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT MARKJAE WENT TO JEJU AND !!! WHO WROTE ABOUT THEM GOING TO JEJU!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FUCK!!!!!!! I BREATHED THIS SCHEDULE TO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> uhhhhhhhh i also went to jus2 in sg pretty last min and i /finally/ saw them upclose :') sort of. mark sprayed water at me (my area) and UGH i just wanna say thaNK U KING!!!!!!!
> 
> i have no access to twitter as i deactivated one acc & i asked my friend to change the pw of my main until i'm officially done w my exams heh. 
> 
> ANYWAY WE GOT MARKJAE YSTD AND IT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!! WE GON GET THEM A SCHEDULE/SHOW WITH JUST THEM!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!
> 
> OH OH I FORGOT. GOT7's comeback next week!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! although the teasers make me dizzy. as hell. uh oh oh. i bought 4 albums tho ://// all for.... jaebeom hehe <3
> 
> see yall soon! luv luv xoxo
> 
> (if anyone's fasting!!!! happy ramadhan! i'm fasting too and it's hard the first week but it'll get easier uwu <3<3)

“Can we go to the water park, please?” Lucas asked during breakfast on Tuesday.

 

“Oh,” Youngjae placed the pan into the sink, “Sure, I’ll ask Daddy.”

 

“YAY!!” The kids cheered, before they were rushed to get ready for Mark to send the kids to school.

 

“Jae, I’ll be back late today… I have a conference call with the US branch until about 11pm.”

 

“Okay, do you need dinner?”

 

“Yeah, just leave it out and I’ll reheat them myself.”

 

“Okay.” The kids came running out, too excited for school.

 

The kids put on their shoes and bid Youngjae goodbye, waiting for their dad to be ready to drive them.

 

“See you,” Mark said.

 

“Text me when you’re on your way back home?” Mark nodded.

 

And they went on their ways.

 

 

Youngjae planned to cook, but recording ran late and he had to rush to pick the kids up from school.

 

“Appa’s sorry he’s late. You guys can decide what you want for dinner.”

 

“Pizza!” “Jajangmyeon!”

 

Youngjae sighed, “Let’s just go to both since they’re right beside each other.” He shoots a text to Mark about the choices, and got an immediate answer of ‘Pizza’.

 

He bought 2 sets of noodles with dumplings, and 2 pizzas - one three-cheese and one mixed meat - before rushing home and eating their dinner since they were all running past their normal night time schedule.

 

“Goodnight Appa, love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

After cleaning around the kitchen and house a little bit, Youngjae got a text from Mark:

 

_‘On the way home. Will be there in 20.’_

 

He decided to reheat the food for Mark,  _he just wanted to be nice._

 

And that of course, shocked Mark, seeing that the younger had waited for him at the dining table.

 

“Hey, what are you still doing up?” Mark asked, taking out his blazer and placing it along with his suitcase on the sofa.

 

“Just finished cleaning everything up. Picked up the kids around 7pm because work ran late.”

 

“That’s why we’re having pizza,” Mark chuckled, knowing Youngjae had a ‘junk food only on the weekends’ rule. Sort of. He breaks them in secret.

 

“Yeah… felt bad. Lucas wanted pizza, Lucy wanted jajangmyeon so we got both… How’s work?”

 

“Good. We finally signed with another big investor, so that’s great.”

 

“That’s good… Congrats?” Youngjae didn’t know anything about business, so he didn’t know the right things to say whenever Mark talked about work, even when they were dating.

 

“Yeah, thanks.” Mark chuckled again, “Pizza’s good.”

 

“From your favourite.”

 

“Thank you. You remembered my favorite kind too."

 

“Just because we’ve broken up, doesn’t mean I forget everything.”

 

Mark nodded at that.

 

“Right, the kids wanted to go to the water park. Should we bring Jackson and Bambam? Wait no, that’s not a good idea - then, we’d have to take care of 4 kids...” Youngjae joked about the last part.

 

Mark’s eyes widened, like he had an idea, “We can get them to bring the kids… And I can bring you out.”

 

Youngjae was shocked, but more so this: “You would leave the kids with them?”

 

“Right, not a good idea.”

 

“We can ask Jaebeom to keep an eye - he hates water. Lucy would be excited - she _loves_ him.”

 

“Really? Lucy has a crush?” Mark laughed.

 

“Mhhmmm. Since she was three, she’d always have those heart eyes whenever she sees JB hyung.”

 

Mark giggled.

 

“Oh! I forgot to tell you, I met Yugyeom while I was printing photos the other day.”

 

“Really He’s back?”

 

“Yeah, with Jinyoung hyung. They’re dating now. It’s cute.”

 

Mark nodded, “You got them back together.”

 

“I did.”

 

“What did you print photos for?”

 

“Oh, just… the family photo we took. You put the old one, I wanted to put the new one too.”

 

Mark was ( _internally_ ) shocked, he printed a photo with him in it.

 

“We’ll just go to the water park together, We can ask the others to join us,” Youngjae decided.

 

“Okay, I’ll ask Jackson and Bambam.”

 

-

 

Youngjae and Mark are on a date.

 

_Seriously? How did this happen?_

 

It all went by so fast - Mark asked Jackson and Bambam out to the water-park with the family, and the morning they were due to leave:

 

Lucy approached her father, “Daddy! Appa called you!”

 

Mark zipped up his bag, and walked towards his room.

 

“Yes Jae?”

 

“Huh?” Youngjae looked at him in confusion.

 

“Lucy said you called me.”

 

“No I didn't.”

 

“What?” Mark confused, before walking out of the room.

  


“Excuse me?” There was a man in a very nice, crisp suit standing awkwardly at the door.

 

“Uh... who are you?” _And whe_ __re wer_ e Jackson, Bambam and the kids? _

 

“Mr Kunpimook requested for me to drive you to your destination.’

 

“What's going on?” Now Youngjae's joined in the conversation.

 

“Bambam asked you to drive us to the water park?” Mark asked the man.

 

“He personally requested for me not to disclose the destination. Your appointment however, is for 12pm, your bags are already in the car. I'll be waiting for you both downstairs, best be going now.” He bowed and walked out of the house.

 

“Is he kidnapping us?” Youngjae asked. Just then, they both got a notification on their phones.

 

‘Enjoy your day, hyungs! We definitely will. Don't worry, your kids will come back in one shape ;) - Bambam.’

 

Mark typed back, ‘What's going on?’

 

Soon, they got a reply, _‘You guys need a break! It's on us. Enjoy! Bye bye.’_

 

“What is he up to?” Youngjae cupped his face in his hands, sighing.

  


“Can’t you tell us where we're going now?” Youngjae demanded.

 

“No. But we will reach soon,” the driver replied.

 

Mark sighed. He had been really looking forward to bask under the Sun and get into the water too.

 

“Here we are.” Youngjae and Mark exited the car, looking at the view in front of them.

 

_Spinning Top Resort and Spa_

 

Oh. This spa had an extremely good reputation, and it’s expensive too.

 

“Bambam paid for this?”

 

“I guess so,” Youngjae answered, shrugging.

 

“Mr Tuan, Mr Choi. Welcome to Spinning Top,” the host greeted them, leading them to the lobby.

 

“Wh-what are we doing today?” Youngjae asked.

 

“You’re booked for the Couples package - spa, mud bath, full body massage, and either hot stone or acupuncture.”

 

“And… it’s been paid for?” Mark enquired.

 

“Yes, Sir.” The two men looked at each other, before getting immediately escorted to another room.

 

Unsurprisingly, it was relaxing. Well for Mark mostly. Youngjae was enjoying it too, but he needed to check up on the kids to make sure they were okay.

 

“Hello? Bambam? Let me speak to my kids.”

 

“Fine. I’ll Facetime you,” the Thai hung up and called him again.

 

“APPA!!” The kids screamed into the phone.

 

“Are you enjoying the park?”

 

“Yeah, Uncles Jackbam’s cool!” Lucas answered.

 

“Of course we are!” Jackson’s voice sounded through the screen, although he wasn’t in the screen.

 

Youngjae ignored his friend, “You’re all… safe?”

 

“Yeah we are, Appa. Don’t worry. Are you and Daddy having fun?”

 

“Uh… yes.”

 

“Where is he?”

 

“In the washroom. We’re going to get a massage now. Did you know about this?”

 

“Oh! Appa! We’re br-breaking up… the connection here is so bad! BYE!” Lucy hung up. Great, how did his kids know how to do that?

 

Youngjae sighed.

 

“The kids are fine. They pulled the ‘bad connection’ move on me,” Youngjae informed when he saw the older come back to the massage room.

 

“Who? Jackson or Bambam?”

 

“Lucy.”

 

“Lucy?” Mark shocked, before giggling at the answer.

 

“Yeah. Lucy. My babies are growing up so fast.”

 

“Yeah, turning 7 soon,” Mark pointed out.

 

“Don’t remind me.” It made Youngjae sad. He loved having kids, he loved when they’re smaller; toddlers.

 

He loved holding the kids, he loved when the twins slept on him, he loved skinship with his children. The twins were the only thing keeping him sane throughout the years, and he really, really loved when they were all close physically.

 

When they grow, inevitably, they’ll be less clingy, more distant… and Youngjae was not looking forward to that.

 

“Jae, you alright?”

 

“I want more kids,” the younger breathed subconsciously.

 

“What?”

 

“Sorry I… It was just a thought. Let’s go?”

 -

 

“Good evening Mr Tuan, Mr Choi. Hoped you had a lovely time.”

 

“We did, but I can’t wait to go home to my children,” Youngjae contently sighed.

 

“We’ll head on to our next destination now.”

 

“Next? We’re not going home?” Mark asked.

 

“No. Mr Kunpimook had booked a table for a nice restaurant about 20 minutes away. And then, I’ll send you home.”

 

Youngjae groaned, “Did you know about this?” He looked at Mark, who shook his head.

 

“No wonder they asked us to wear this sort-of formal clothing.” Mark looked down at both their outfits - buttoned down shirts and straight-cut jeans.

 

“I thought Bambam is just telling us to dress better,” Youngjae joked.

  


“Whoa.”

 

“Yeah, whoa.”

 

The restaurant they were in were by the sea, and their table was pretty private, it was definitely a 5-star restaurant. They were way too undressed for this.

 

“I don’t know why Bambam did this, and I don’t even want to think how much this all cost, but it’s been nice,” Youngjae admitted.

 

“I don’t even want to know how much it costs either. But yes, it had been very nice. Feels like a date.”

 

“Mhhmm… do you want it to be?” Youngjae asked nonchalantly.

 

“I think you know what I want.”

 

“Let’s make this a date then.”

 

“What?” _It’s amazing how much Youngjae still surprises him after all those years._

 

“Yeah. It’s what you want, right?”

 

Mark sighed, “No, Jae. I want what we both want. If you don’t want it, it’s not a date. I don’t wanna force you into anything.”

 

“What if… I want this to be a date?”

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“I’m giving you a second chance. I want you to prove to me that I can trust you again.”


	19. Breakthrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i;m back~~ oop super long chapter today!! to make up for not updating in a while.... also,,...,..,.. ;);)
> 
> my exams were hell but it's over so :D 
> 
> would not be updating until next week? or two weeks? Eid is coming and I'll be busy visiting, eating and collecting $$ LOL
> 
> enjoy <3 love and feedback are always appreciated. 
> 
> hype me up here pls: https://twitter.com/defsweetheart/status/1135057550452248576
> 
> also, is this going too fast? please let me know!!

“Morning,” Youngjae greeted, passing Mark his cup of coffee.

 

“Good morning,” Mark smiled, dropping his keys on the counter after sending the kids to school and leaning over to kiss Youngjae on his head. 

 

Last night was _phenomenal_ , to Mark’s standard really.

 

They had a great night just properly catching up, talking it out, no arguing, no crying, just two ex-lovers giving themselves a chance. 

 

And to top it all off, Youngjae did not budge when Mark gave him a kiss on the cheek when they parted ways at home.   
  
  


_ “Thank you for today. I really enjoyed it.” _

 

_ “Me too. We… should do this again?” Youngjae shyly asked. _

 

_ “I’d love that.” _

 

**Youngjae had a mid-life crisis.**

 

Sort of.

 

He realised he’s not getting any younger. Of course, you don’t need love to survive, but he’d always wanted to find love and get married.

 

He wanted a big family, a few dogs and a loving husband. He was still young, and there are plenty of fishes in the sea. But one thing he used to refuse to admit, but did recently was:

 

**_The only fish he wanted was Mark._ **

 

A weird analogy, but it sent his message.

 

The love he had for the older never faded. Youngjae much preferred it buried 6-feet underground, but now that Mark had completely came back into his life, he made a choice to face it instead of running away - he couldn’t anyway, they lived in the same house.

 

Mark had been nothing but nice to him. However, a mistake was still a mistake, maybe they were young and foolish, but his heart was still broken, and Youngjae knew it’d be a very long while till he completely moved on.

 

_ Has he forgiven Mark? _

 

He’d like to think so. Not that Youngjae would’ve done the same if he were in Mark’s shoes… but the world exists so people can grow, right?

 

He’s older now, they’re both older now. Playing games back and forth was too childlike, he had to think seriously now, even more so that kids are in the picture. At the end of the day, he had to do what was best for the kids, which meant establishing a relationship with their other father, whatever it may be.

 

Also, in hindsight, it was time for Youngjae to start moving on, for real, this time.  **_Why the sudden change of heart?_ **

 

His parents had always reminded him that a relationship goes both ways, and if he needed Mark to prove to him that he could trust the older again, Youngjae needed to do the same. It wasn't like he needed to prove his trust, more so he needed to prove to Mark that he was willing to open up more to him and move on. 

 

It wasn't an overnight decision, but it was nevertheless, a sleepless 7 hours for Youngjae, eventually deciding that yes, it was time to move on. He needed the time to come to terms of that final decision, but all he needed was a push (in this case, the date. someone remind youngjae to thank his friends)  to accept it. Mark made mistakes, but everyone does right? Even if he could never forget what Mark did, it was time to stop punishing him and forgive. He knew he had been all talk, no do, but he’s _done_ running around. It’s time to move on, there is no point in running away from a problem that he felt only he could see. H e shouldn't come up with more flaws and faults to delay whatever… it could be.

 

 **Now here’s the problem**. Mark and Youngjae didn’t know how to be friends. They started off as lovers, and being ‘friends’ was… Youngjae had never thought of that. He wouldn’t call their relationship the past 4 years a friendship, more like co-parents? Quite honestly, Youngjae never expected to be just friends with Mark - when they met, it was either best friends-lovers or nothing. Lovers and friends are two different things - Jaebeom is his long-time friend, but he’d never have a relationship like his with Mark. It’s just… weird.

 

He needed to give Mark a chance, if not for him, but for himself. Youngjae wanted to know whether these lingering feelings was true, or just a facade of something else.

  
  


 

They decided not to tell the kids. There was nothing to tell anyway. They were both still trying to figure it out, neither secretly wanted to tell their children in any case things went awry. They are just willing to work at it, and see where it took them.

 

“Jae, what should we do for the kids’ birthday?” The kids already left for school, and the two men were preparing to go to work.

 

“Uh… I usually celebrate their birthdays at home. Just a cake, candles and my parents.”

 

“Should we do something different this time round?”

 

“What are you suggesting?”

 

“We can bring them to Everland and the Caribbean Bay for a weekend? Stay at a nice hotel nearby?”

 

“That sounds nice… Yeah, we can consider that."

 

“They haven’t been there, right?”

 

“Yeah… I could never handle two kids at a theme park alone,” Youngjae chuckled, “I think the kids would enjoy that.”

 

“Okay, I’ll see my schedule later and confirm with you later.”

 

“Okay, I’ll get going -”

 

“I can send you. It’s on the way anyway.” Youngjae almost hesitated, and he hated that he almost did, before nodding and following the other closely behind to the car.

 

They settled in, in silence and the radio came on as soon as Mark started the car.

  
  
  


_ I still can’t believe it  _

_ That when I open my eyes you aren’t next to me  _

_ Even if those memories make it hard on me  _

_ It’s in my head again  _

_ Even if I clear out all those memories... _

 

“Oh my God…”

 

“Is there something wrong?”

 

“Is today the 16th?”

 

“Yeah why?”

 

“Ah sh- I forgot my song was releasing today.”

 

“Your song?”

 

“Yeah the one that’s playing right now.” Mark widened his eyes at cranked up the volume. 

 

_ You can come find me again  _

_ I am here like always at this place for you  _

_ Because of you I changed everything  _

_ Since you are not here I’m not able to do anything  _

_ I can’t forget about you but  _

_ No matter how hard I try… _

 

Youngjae forgot how hard the lyrics had hit him when he wrote them with Jaebeom a few months back.

 

“The singer’s nice. Who’s she?”

 

“Minseo. She’s not extremely famous, but her OSTs are outstanding. When we wrote this, Jaebeom hyung mentioned her, we got her in to demo for us a few days after and decided she was perfect for it.”

 

“You wrote this with Jaebeom?” Youngjae nodded.

 

“Wah Youngjae~ This will be another hit, I feel it," Mark teased.

 

The younger chuckled, “We’ll see at the end of the day.”

 

The rest of the ride was silent, and soon enough, they reached Youngjae’s building.

 

“I’ll pick you up later?” Mark asked.

 

“Around 6?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll text you once I leave the office. See you, have a nice day.”

 

“Kay, love you.” Youngjae shut the door before walking away.

 

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks.

 

_ Did he just say that? _

 

Hoping Mark had already driven off, he slowly turned back, only to hit someone square on his shoulder.

 

“Did you mean that?” The voice asked.

 

Youngjae slowly looked up.

 

“I-I don’t know…” He whispered back.

 

Mark’s shoulder dropped. A car horned in the distance, causing him to look back at his idle car he abandoned in favour of his ex.

 

“I love you too. If it still matters.”

 

“It does,” Youngjae replies back very softly, however, a second too late as Mark had already rushed back to his car and drove off.

  
  


 

Youngjae pressed enter before he could change his mind  _ again.  _

 

' _ JB hyung offered to send me home later since we will be out of the office. See u and the kids for dinner. _ '

 

It didn't hurt when he was left on read. It definitely didn't. 

 

"What's wrong?" Jaebeom asked worriedly, "You've been tapping your pen without writing anything for like 20 minutes."

 

"I… told Mark hyung I loved him."

 

" _ You what? _ " The other was flabbergasted.

 

"I said what I said," Youngjae groaned, "I don't even know why I said it I- Habit. I guess."

 

" _ Habit?  _ You both broke up years ago, Jae."

 

"I know that, hyung. Just that… he used to send me everywhere and it felt like time flew back 5 years and he was sending me to my painful 10am class that I didn't enjoy anyway." 

 

Jaebeom sighed, "So now what?"

 

"You'd think I know the answer to that, hyung?"

 

"I mean… yeah. I'm sure if you don't deny yourself of happiness, the answer is clear enough for you. Like 1.31am, the lyrics you wrote:  _ No matter how hard I try, you are getting further away again. Why do I believe that you will return back to me?  _ It’s about Mark.”

 

“It could be for a-”

 

“We wrote this song on the 2nd year anniversary of him leaving.”

 

“I- How do you even remember it?”

 

“Because you always mope then. I mean, you’re always moping, but it’s always that day that is the worst. Also, I’ve been your closest friend for 20 plus years, I’d be a shit friend if I didn’t realise.”

 

“I’m not always moping.”

 

“Sure, tell yourself that.”

 

“What do I do now?”

 

“I think... you should set your feelings straight. He loves you, anyone can see that. But you’re a mess, to put it nicely.”

 

“Nicely?” Youngjae snickered.

 

“Hey! I’m giving you advice as a hyung - the only way to move forward is to figure out what you want, relationship-wise. Don’t give me the ‘He’s my children's’ father’ bullshit. Think about it as if it was only the two of you, no one else. Would you want to reunite with him, even if Lucy and Lucas weren’t in the picture?”

 

“But he hurt m-”

 

“It’s been years, Jae. It feels like you’ve forgiven him for it anyway. staying under one roof and going out as a family. You’re mature enough to let him see the kids, I’m sure you’re mature enough to be true to yourself.”

 

“I- Okay.” Youngjae leaned back to his chair in defeat. 

 

-

 

Somehow, the next few days went by normally, neither bringing up the slip-up. They did plan to bring the kids away for the weekend, bus tickets and a hotel suite (as per Mark’s insistence) booked. It would just be the 4 of them; both parents wanting a family holiday again.

 

When the kids were told that in just a couple of weeks they were going on a trip where they could endlessly go on rides, play in the water, they screeched a pitch too loud that Youngjae worried that one of their neighbours were going to come by and complain, or worse, call the police because of a suspected murder… but he didn’t tell the kids that. Lucas and Lucy couldn’t stop talking about it to the days leading up to the weekend getaway, their excitement overpowering the fact that they were turning 7.

 

If Youngjae would be honest out loud, he was very surprised that Mark hadn’t bring up his confession, nor did the other ever acted awkward around him. It seemed eerily normal, and it didn’t put the younger’s heart at ease. He didn’t have time to overthink it though, with both parents scurrying around the house packing and preparing for their childrens’ birthday. Apart from the trip, the twins’ school always encouraged parents to celebrate their birthday in school as well, hence, Mark and Youngjae needing to pack little goodie bags, a cake and some decorations for it.

 

When Mark wasn’t around, Youngjae had always done it on his own. So understandably, it was weird to have an extra pair of hands helping him, but he was more relieved than stressed out. 

 

On their way to work, Mark asked, “What snacks do you usually buy?”

 

“Uh, Pepero… yogurt jelly, seaweed and they seem to really enjoy those… chocolate-covered sunflower seeds snack… Oh, and some writing materials or little toys, depending on what was available at the shop I always buy at. They sell decorations too, thank goodness for that.”

 

“When are you planning on making the trip there?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m swamped at work,” Youngjae heavily sighed, thinking hard, “Maybe during lunch on Friday?”

 

“Okay, I’ll pick you up at 1?”

 

Youngjae hated that he was slightly surprised by Mark’s offer, but he tries not to show it, “Sure. Should be a quick trip and then we can stop by one of the nearby stalls for lunch. I need to ask the teacher how many kids are in their class, get cake and decorations. What cake should we get?”

 

“Since I’m picking up the kids today, I'll ask the teacher. Strawberry cream?” Mark smirked.

 

“We got that last year, and I know you want it because it’s your favourite,” Youngjae rolled his eyes.

 

The elder shrugged, “We need safe flavours right? Who knows if there are kids allergic to some ingredients?”

 

“Oh! They gave a list on the allergies in class. Crap,” Youngjae groaned, “I forgot where I’d placed it.”

 

“It’s fine, I’ll just ask Ms Sung for it. So, that’s all right?”

 

Youngjae nodded, “Yeah.”

 

The next Monday, the party went on in full-swing. They got a bigger goodie bag this year since Mark had wanted to spoil everyone and all the kids were excited over the toys and snacks. They did eventually decide on a strawberry cream cake, much to Mark’s delight, but only after Youngjae made the other promise he wouldn’t eat it. Well, it didn’t matter, Mark bought another one just for the family anyway.

 

_‘Happy Birthday to You~ Happy Birthday to You~ Happy Birthday to Lucas and Lucy~ Happy Birthday to You~!’_ The whole class gave a round of applause as the twins blew out the candles. The next hour went by quickly, the cake-cutting, some present-giving as well as the little goodie bags-giving. The entire family went home after, since both their parents had taken a day off, they decided to go out for lunch together.

 

Youngjae laid back on his bed that night, feeling conflicted yet again. He couldn’t get the feeling of their relationship out of his head, he didn’t know what to do. He did what he knew best: he pulls up his phone and typed into the search engine: **Decider Machine.**

 

He typed in two options: _Talk to Mark and Don’t talk to Mark._ He didn’t know which one he wanted more, but he will admit he’d dread either decision. A few (long) seconds later, it was made for hi: 

 

_**Talk to Mark.** _

 

He groaned, reluctantly got up because he knew if he didn’t do it immediately, he wouldn't ever, and he would have to suffer with the entire process again. 

 

 _ **J**_ _ **ust get it over and done with**_ , he tells himself.

  
  
  


“Mark, can we talk?” Youngjae leaned against the other’s bedroom door after the kids went to sleep that night.

 

“Sure, is everything alright?” He tapped to the spot beside him on the bed, which the younger obliged and sat on.

 

“We need to talk about… us.”

 

“Yeah... yeah we definitely do.”

 

“Okay whatever I want to say… just don’t interrupt me? I’ve been thinking about it for the entire day and I’ve like a speech in my head that I need to unleash.”

 

“Sure, of course.”

 

“Okay… first, uh, JB hyung didn’t send me home I… I went back by the subway because of the  _ thing  _ today. I was terrified Mark. I told you I loved you when… I hadn’t thought about it out loud… You sending me to work just felt like the past… when you used to send me places… pick me up… And I’m sorry I blew you off. I’m scared. I’m scared of a lot of things Mark, especially now we have the children to think about,” Youngjae paused, taking a deep breath.

 

“What if you left us again? What if you left me again? I can handle it if I were by myself but the kids… they know more than I do, it’ll hurt them so much if we got together to break up again. I can’t risk that. When you left, I hated you so, so much. If I could, I never wanted to see you again. But I knew it wasn’t fair for the kids, and it still isn’t with us like this. JB hyung told me to think about it without them in mind, and it felt great to think of myself, for once. It’s been a really long time since I did that.”

 

“Mark. It broke my heart, when I got the call from your mom. But I told you, countlessly, I didn’t want to move to LA. There’s no reason, I just didn’t want to move somewhere so big and new, I wasn’t ready. So when the letter came, oh fuck Mark. I wanted to kill you. It sounds harsh then, but I told you and you didn’t listen, at that point of time, that upsetted me the most. I get it now, that you’re just applying around, but Mark, we just had 2 kids. I wasn’t going to drop my life for another country, and I thought you didn’t understand me, so I’d rather you just go home, so you don’t regret it.” At this point, there were 2 people tearing up, it was definitely too much for a tiring Monday night.

 

“You went back, and I was miserable. My parents had to stay with me for the next year or so and yes, you told me to call you anytime and you’d fly back to help me but… I hated you so much, as much as I hate saying this now. I hated you, everything about you, I removed any traces of you for the longest time. I couldn’t stand you, I just suppressed anything about you, even when you come back once a year or called the kids. Then you suddenly came back, for good. I didn’t know what to think. Then… I learnt that everything I thought of years ago… were just  _ thoughts _ . I didn’t actually hate you, I came to realise that. I still hated what you did, but I had to slowly admit that the separation… was my fault too. I’ve never actually thought about it until just now, to be honest. There are so many things I didn’t want to admit, but I figured to fucking face this fears than to linger any longer. Like a mid-life crisis, you could say,” Youngjae attempted to joke.

 

“I… wasn’t brave enough then, and I’m still not brave enough now. But I want to admit this: I was scared. I was scared then if I started to need and want you back again, you’d leave. I’m also embarrassed by what I did so selfishly in the past. It isn’t all your fault, I was in denial. Our relationship was so, so easy, then when a bump in the road came, it was a shock to the entire relationship, for me, that is. It felt like everything was going into ruins, and I thought that I was trying to minimise the damage by kicking you out. And the last thing, which I really hate to admit, because after this, whatever happens, it could either go really well, or really, really horribly.”

 

With one huge breath, he confessed, “I didn’t want to think of this out loud… of how I never stopped loving you. Even when you were miles apart, or when I was with Jinyoung. Nothing could ever compare to you, and it’s going to hurt. But I’m older now, so if anything, I swear, we’ll talk about it rationally. Mark, I’m sorry. For everything I put you through and it’s a few hours late, yes, but I’m sure now. I love you and I never did stop loving you.”


	20. Beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! no, seriously, it's my birthday, and this is my gift to you lot! 
> 
> i have good & bad news!! 
> 
> bad news: this is the 2nd last chapter of the fic. ;(  
> good news: i'm working on a jjp x kids story  
> semi-bad news: i’m struggling 
> 
> i plan to upload the last chapter before i leave for europe next week <3
> 
> i’ve written another markjae fic under the pseudonym: blissjaebeom so please check it out :)
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/19239361#main
> 
> anyways!!!! enjoy ❤️

“Can I.... Can I talk now or…?” Youngjae nodded at Mark.

 

“The entire time… I was confused. I was just applying for a job, I could reject whenever and whatever. I didn’t get what the big deal was. But I couldn’t help myself… I blamed myself for everything that has happened. You didn’t want to move to LA, where the kids were from… which confused me for the longest time. But I loved you, I couldn’t blame you for the fall-out. Thanks for… taking some of the blame?” Mark nervously chuckled.

“Even though I didn't understand, I loved you too much to question it. It all makes sense now that you’ve explained it. I know everyone knew I still loved you, and honestly, I didn’t try to hide it. Why hide it? I’ve already lost everything, I couldn’t lose more. The job… I didn’t want it. It’s great now, but if you had given me the choice, I’d definitely would have stayed with you. The job didn’t matter when I had you. Then I didn’t. It broke my heart, but I left because I thought it would make you happy. Your happiness was the priority… still is. I never recovered from the heartbreak… I think. Still, loving you and the kids, of course, was above everything else. I was blinded you could say, and it’s really nice to know now that I’m not wholly to blame.”

“I never stopped loving you… I couldn’t love anyone else. I didn’t try because… I knew you were my destiny. As cheesy as this is, you’re my soulmate, and it’s not going to be easy, like you said before, but I’m as willing or even more to make it work. Jae… I’m really sorry. I love you, I won't leave you and the children this time, I promise. No more running away, moving away. But we need to both do our parts, it won’t work one way.”

 

Youngjae nodded, “I know that. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for a lot of things, making your life difficult, pushing you out from our kids’ lives… and mine too. I'm sorry that I made you think we fell apart solely because of you, I shouldn't have done that, and I hope you know now that you're not the one at fault. I love you, Mark. And I'm very sorry.”

 

“I'm sorry too. I love you so much. Forever?”

 

“Forever.”

 

With the late night confessions and heavy emotional relief, finally came an overdue kiss in the making, albeit taking 4.5 years too long.

 

-

 

 _No, they didn’t have sex._ They just slept together, in the same bed after so long. Mark whined about not wanting to let go of the younger for the night, the latter finally giving in after he made sure they both changed into their pajamas, before continuing to make out some more.

 

“What do we tell the kids?” Mark whispered between kisses, dominating them being on top of the younger.

 

“Let’s worry about them tomorrow.”

 

“You’ll probably going to regret that in the morning.”

 

_And how awfully right Mark was._

  


“Appa? Why are you in Daddy’s bed?” Lucas and Lucy stood at Mark’s door, confused to find both parents asleep on one bed.

 

“Jae… the kids are here,” Mark whispered to the sleeping other, gently shaking him awake.

 

“Huh?” He groggily sat up.

 

“Appa… What’s going on?” Lucy asked.

 

Youngjae hesitates, “Uh…”

 

“Kids, go get yourselves ready. We’ll be up in a bit," Mark instructed.

 

“Oh we’re already ready. You both just woke up late and now it’s 8:50.” Lucas shrugged.

 

Both their father's eyes widened at that. _Crap_ , classes started at 9. Not that they needed to be on-the-dot, but they had work too. They scurried out of bed, Youngjae rushing them out to have a quick breakfast while Mark gets ready to send them.

 

“We already ate. Cereal,” Lucy stated nonchalantly, before they both picked up their bags and waited for their other father at the door.

 

Youngjae ran his hand through his hair, “Why didn’t you wake us up?”

 

“We thought you were tired or getting ready, we didn’t know you were both still sleeping,” Lucas replied.

 

“Together,” Lucy added.

 

Youngjae groaned, the door to Mark’s room opened and quickly rushed his children out.

 

“Bye kids, have a great day at school. I love you.”

 

“Love you too, Appa!”

 

Mark looked back, smiling at the younger, “See you in a bit.” Youngjae nodded.

  


“Hey,” Mark closed the door behind him, finding Youngjae in the kitchen making pancakes.

 

“Hey. I’m making your favourite.”

 

Mark’s eyes widened in excitement, like a kid in a toy store. “Blueberry and cheese?” Youngjae nodded and laughed at the other.

 

“So, um,” Youngjae stacked some pancakes on a plate and sat it down in front of Mark, continuing, “What are we? For real this time.”

 

“Feels like we kept asking ourselves this question, huh?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What do you want us to be, Jae?”

 

“I wanna say we’re above being boyfriends, that ship has definitely sailed.”

 

“Definitely… uh… parents with benefits?” Mark half-teased.

 

“What! Hyung, we’re not even having sex.”

 

“Pervert. The benefits in our case are the kids.... But if you’re suggesting…” Mark smirked, raising his eyebrows suggestively at the younger. He didn’t miss the faint blush of the other, who retreated in favour of making more pancakes.

 

“As weird as it sounds, I think parents with benefits, our children, seems the most fitting.”

 

“Parents with benefits it is,” Mark shoved the pancakes into his mouth, “What do we tell the kids?”

 

Youngjae rushed out his thoughts, “That we’re figuring things out together and taking things slow.”

 

“Seems like you thought about it while I was gone?” The younger nodded.

 

“Figuring things out together… Like our sleeping arrangement? How do we explain that?”

 

“We were talking then we got tired.”

 

“Okay… but… nevermind.”

 

“What, Mark? Just spill it.”

 

“Are we going to continue to sleep on the same bed or…?”

 

“You want to?”

 

“Well. Yeah.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I spent the last 5 years not sleeping next to you. If you want me to admit I’m selfish just so you’ll let me sleep with you again, not intimately… yet,” He winked, “Then I will. I’m so fucking selfish for you, Choi Youngjae.”

 

“So dramatic, hyung,” Youngjae rolled his eyes, “And cheesy. It was a simple question.”

 

“So?” Mark slyly smiled.

 

“Since you very much insist… We should sleep in mine tonight. We can see which one’s more comfortable.”

 

“We can just get a another bigger, comfortable one you know?”

 

“And waste money? No thanks.” Youngjae plates a few pancakes for himself and sat across from the other. He goes to take a bite when:

 

“You know you’re beautiful, right?” Mark whispered to him. Youngjae subsequently choked on his food, of course, very much taken aback by the super, super sudden confession.

 

“What the hell, hyung? You can’t just say that out of the blue.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“You’re being brave today, huh?”

 

“No. I was just holding back. I know you wouldn’t have handled it well if I were to tell you that earlier.”

 

“Wow…” Cocky Mark made a comeback, and Youngjae had missed him.

 

“No seriously though, you’ve always been beautiful. I used to remind you on that everyday, didn’t I?”

 

Youngjae chuckled softly, he remembered how annoyed he would get what Mark would blurt out that exact same sentence at the most random times - when they were eating with their friends, when he was talking to the cashier ordering them food at KFC, during sex when Youngjae is halfway blowing the older off - times when Youngjae can get caught off guard easily.

 

“Hyung, I missed you.”

 

Mark was obviously taken aback by that but quickly replied, “I missed you more.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Appa, that’s enough sunscreen!” Lucas cried, to which his father mumbled back “There’s no such thing as enough.”

 

Mark slowly pulled the younger’s hands away from their son, who immediately ran towards the pool, getting a glare in return.

 

“Think the kids are covered for the next 2 days,” he joked.

 

“There’s never enough sunscreen, trust me, they’ll thank me when they’ve hit puberty.” Youngjae placed the bottle away, cuddling with the older when Mark opened his arms. They had doubled up with the PDA, and by doubling up, it meant there was _actually_ PDA this time, as opposed to none. They did sleep on Youngjae’s bed that night, but somehow Mark convinced them to get a bigger bed to put in his room, and if they had wanted to sleep separately for whatever reason, Youngjae still had his own bed. The logic worked for them both, and their new bed was perfect.

 

The kids well, were confused, naturally. The next day, they found their dads in bed together _again,_ and Lucy demanded to tell them what was going on. Both still half asleep, they forgot how they had explained it, but there was a ‘working things out slowly’, ‘yes, we’re back together but we’re taking things slowly’ from what they vaguely remember, before the twins screamed and crashed onto their dads in bed. Lucas and Lucy both got over it the moment they stepped out of the house, though, so that’s that. They got used to seeing their dads waking up from the same bed (which they wanted in too, since it was big and new), got used to their dads kissing each other on the cheeks (not lips yet, but they should be very thankful _now_ ), but what they couldn’t get used to was Mark talking a little more than usual.

 

“Appa, can I get this?” Lucas pointed to a large white lion at one of the stalls in Everland.

 

Youngjae sighed, “Ask Daddy.” The little boy rejoiced, of course, because when Appa let Daddy decide, it’s always a good sign. Always.

 

Well not this time.

 

“No, we’re only at the beginning. If you want it and you’re sure, we can go buy it later,” Mark reasoned out, to everyone’s surprise. Lucas was too shocked to even whine back, Daddy never says no (technically, he didn't, but anything other than a 'yes' is just like a rejection), hence, they successfully left the shop without much of a fight.

 

Fast forward to the couple now cuddling by the pool, Youngjae wouldn’t do this normally, but he was  _exhausted_ , and a pool chair wasn’t exactly comfortable. Mark’s shoulder was. While the kids somehow entertained themselves with the water playground, the older busked in the heaven he long wanted. Back together with the love of his life, and hanging out as a family of 4 again. What seemed like only a mere dream, came alive, and he was forever grateful and feeling like the luckiest guy in the world, for the 2nd chance. It was a long road back to what it was befo- no, wait. He doesn’t want the relationship they had before, he wanted a better one, one where there was constant communication, no assumptions, no secrets, no lies, just honestly, loyalty and trust from here on out.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Youngjae mumbled into his neck.

 

“Us.”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“How I’m so lucky. So, so lucky.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“No, you don’t get it. Fuck,” Mark sighed, “At the start of the year, I wouldn’t think we’d be here, all four of us under one roof. I didn’t think we’d all be together ever again, and that _we_ would be together again. I really thought I’ve lost every little chance I had with you. Although I’ve never given up, it doesn’t mean there was a lot of hope either. You giving this entire 2nd chance literally feels like a miracle, I just really feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”

 

Youngjae looked up, “I didn’t think this would happen too. I convinced myself I hated you, and I definitely didn’t think that you’d suddenly move back here without telling me.” He glared at the older, but he made sure to let the other know it was just a joke.

 

Mark shrugged, “Sorry about that. I didn’t expect that either, but hey… It all worked out, right?” He smirked, and the younger rolled his eyes. Mark continued, “I was overwhelmed! Okay… I was just really excited to be coming back here again.”

 

“Mhhmm…” Youngjae cuddled further into the older again, if it’s even possible.

 

“Youngjae,” Mark gently nudged the other, “Thank you so much. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you how thankful I am and how much I love you and our kids, but a million times isn’t even enough.”

 

The younger stood up, “I love you too, welcome home.” The couple smiled at each other sweetly, before Mark leaned in to give the younger a quick peck, beckoning him after to cuddle against him again.

 

“Ew…” Both men looked up to see Lucy staring at them in disgust, Youngjae lightly scolding her, “Let your fathers live.”

 

“Lucas and I want to get ice popsicles, we need money please~” Lucy pulled her sweet voice out of the blue, and Youngjae rolled his eyes at her theatrics while Mark fetches out some money for her, before Lucy quickly thanked him and ran away to God knows where.

 

“You’re spoiling the kids too much,” Youngjae commented.

 

“I’m making up for the 4 years I couldn’t. Shhh, go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m also on instagram: defsweetheatt


	21. Forever.

“Jae, Jae. Wake up.” Youngjae was shaken awake at what he assumed was too early. Way too fucking early. He shuffled in the bed, but couldn’t move much since he was being enveloped by the older.

 

“Wha?”

 

“The kids are already awake.” Mark stretched his entire body lazily, and although he’d never want to let go of his hold on the younger, his children needed food. “Let’s go,” he pulled the younger up forcibly, to which there was a groan in retaliation, but Youngjae got up nonetheless.

 

“Good morning Dads!” the twins greeted happily.

 

“Morning,” both men replied, with much less enthusiasm. “Just give Appa and I 10 minutes, and we will go down and get food, okay?” Mark continued, seeing that his children were very ready for breakfast.

 

“TEN MINUTES. No later than that!” Lucy demanded, and the dads were immediately on their way, if they’re scared of any of their kids, it’s Lucy.

 

True to their word, both Mark and Youngjae got ready and out of their door at the 10th-minute mark, and they were soon on their way. Unfortunately, the past few days had gone by fast, and it was already their last day of the trip. Everyone was tanner, and more exhausted than when they first began their trip. The kids were definitely happier, and so were their parents.

 

“I’m glad you guys got back together. Now we can all be together again, as a family. This is the best birthday gift ever,” Lucy confessed on their last night, half due to exhaustion, the other due to pure happiness.

 

Youngjae was glad too. They came a long way and he honestly didn’t think they’d get back to where they are, but he felt like he’s finally happy. No, he  _ knew  _ he was finally happy. It was what he wanted anyway: a family. Admittedly, he still needed time to come around Mark, but he knew through time, he would, and their relationship would be better than ever.

* * *

 

 

**_A year later_ **

 

“Appa!” 2-year-old Levi squealed. 

 

“Great job, Levi!” Mark complimented, bouncing the baby on his lap “Except I’m your Daddy… Say Daddy~”

 

“APPA!” The little boy laughed, flinging his hands towards someone else behind Mark, and with a laugh he was all too familiar with, cross-legged Mark tilted his head back, knowing that his boyfriend would give him a kiss, and Youngjae did. 

 

The latter carried the baby into his arms, and of course, had to brag, “Our son knows me better than you!” Lifting the baby up and giving the new baby raspberry kisses on his belly, he sees the older pout. “Here, Levi~ Where is Daddy?” Youngjae cooed, and the baby almost immediately pointed to Mark, who turned his frown upside down.

 

The twins were now in school, and their parents had taken the day off - well, Mark did, Youngjae had taken a break from work for the past month and the following 2 months to take care of their newly adopted toddler, Levi Tuan-Choi. They adopted him from the same agency in LA about 3 months ago, and the family of 5 couldn’t be happier. 

 

If anyone’s curious, they started  _ sleeping intimately  _ together 2 months after their trip, if it was up to Mark, he would’ve done so immediately, but he’s going at whichever pace Youngjae wanted to go. One night, a month after, Youngjae had open discussions for another child. Mark had wanted everything and anything the younger wanted, so he readily agreed, knowing the younger had been wanting a big family and another child even before they got together.

 

They applied the next day and about 4 months later, got a call from them saying there is a toddler waiting to get adopted. All 4 of them flew to LA a few days later, and stayed for the remaining 2 months getting to know Levi, and the rest is history.

 

Lucas and Lucy welcomed him with open arms, they were excited to have a little baby in the house. You’d think Lucy would be the excited one and she was, but Lucas was always taking care of his little brother and coddling him the most. Levi was probably the most spoilt of them all, getting all the love of both his parents and older siblings. Thankfully, he wasn’t a fussy baby, once he’s fed, he doesn’t make any sort of ruckus, and the couple thinks they had hit the jackpot on their wonderful children.

 

“Daa~” Levi pointed at and tried to call out for Mark, but seeing that he couldn’t, the little baby pouted, putting both his palms into his face in embarrassment.

 

“It’s okay, baby, luckily for you, Daddy is off work the entire week to play with you!” Mark booped his nose, and the baby laughed, reaching out for his other dad.

 

“You are?”

 

“Yeah, surprise!” Mark raised the baby’s chubby right arm in dramatics, “The company just called me and told me they approved my leave.”

 

“Didn’t they reject you?” Youngjae walked to the kitchen to prepare the baby’s milk, with the other two following closely behind.

 

“Yes, but the project I’m on got an extension, so I can take this week off for now. I’ll be busy after though,” Mark pulled a sad face, which Levi sees and smacked it away with his little hand as hard as he could. His father pretended that it was painful, groaning in exaggeration before the baby laughed again and gave him a sloppy kiss.

 

“So dramatic,” Youngjae playfully rolled in his eyes, passing Mark the bottle and excusing himself to their room.

 

It was exactly a year since they got back together, and the younger knew Mark was following the pace he wanted, and Youngjae was very grateful. However, this was a long time coming, and Youngjae had been thinking about it a lot recently. ‘It’s time,’ he thinks.

 

Coming out of the room, he was greeted by the sight of an almost-sleeping baby and his love trying to hum to what sounded like ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’. A few minutes later, the bottle is empty and the baby is satisfied, Mark placing him in the mini crib they placed in the living room.

 

“I need to talk to you, Mark.”

 

The older furrowed his brows, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing… I… have been wanting to do this for a while,” He held the other’s hands in his. “The past year has been a great 365 days, and I know you’ve been trying to hold yourself off and following my pace, and how fast the relationship was going. I know that if you could, we would’ve been married by now.” They both chuckled, because it’s true.

 

“But I too have been wanting this for a while. I love you so much, and even though at one point of my life, I didn’t, I’m glad that we were able to prove to ourselves how much we’ve grown since then. I’m happy that we’re now different, in a good way, and I'm just… really, really happy right now. So, I want to ask you this.”

 

He shoved one of his hands to his pocket and pulled out a red velvet box, got on his knees in front of the older and opened it.

 

“Mark Tuan, the father to my 3 beautiful children. Will you marry me?”

 

At this point, Mark was starting to tear up- No, full on cry, as he nods his head since he couldn’t come up with words to say.

 

“I need to hear you say it, baby.”

 

“Y-yes, yes yes yes. A million times, yes!” Mark breathed out, falling to the floor while vigorously nodding his head again. Youngjae shakily removed the ring from the box and placed it on the older’s ring finger, before Mark quickly pulled him in and kissed him hard.

 

“I love you so much.” “I love you more.” They breathed against each other and continued chanting it like a prayer in between kisses, before they heard screaming coming from the front door. Both men looked over to see their twins barging in and jumping on them both, laughing and tearing up simultaneously.

 

“You both saw that?” Youngjae asked.

 

“We just saw Daddy saying yes, but obviously we knew what you were doing,” Lucas answered, and his sister continued, “Why didn’t you tell us! We could plan a very romantic one for you.”

 

“I just wanted a personal, intimate one, baby,” Youngjae ruffled his daughter’s hair, “At least I filmed it.”

 

“Huh, what?” Mark looked around, not finding a camera in sight.

 

“The baby monitor, baby. Recording function.” Youngjae pointed at that exact equipment right in front of the TV.

 

“YAY! You guys are getting married! For real, right?” Lucas exclaimed.

 

“For real.” Both Mark and Youngjae smiled the biggest smiles they’ve shown to each other.

 

“WE NEED TO PLAN THE WEDDING RIGHT NOW!” Lucy announced excitedly, reaching into her bag a notebook and a pencil. Her parents looked at her in adoration, before a squeal sounded in the room.

 

“Levi! You’re awake!” Lucas rushed to his little brother and carried him out, joining his other family members by the sofa.

 

“Daddy just put him down to sleep… Must’ve felt the excitement in the room, huh, baby?” Youngjae pinched Levi’s cheeks then nose.

 

Lucy gasped, “Daddy! I wanna see your ring!” Mark proudly showed it off, it was a simple band with 3 small diamonds on it.

 

“There’s an engraving on the inner side,” Youngjae said. Mark pulled the ring from his finger and clearing written was:

 

**_Mark & Youngjae Forever._ **

 

Mark hadn’t stop tearing up since the proposal, but now he was bawling. All three kids, Levi with Lucas’ help, hugged their father, while Youngjae looks on.

 

“Appa wants a hug too!” Youngjae pouted a while after. The kids pulled away to pull their other father into the huge family embrace, not like the awkward ones they had before.

 

“Wait,” Lucas sounded, “I’m hungry.” His parents chuckled, with Youngjae stating he’d make lunch for them all.

 

“Wash up first please,” Mark instructed, to which the kids groan, not because they hate it, but because it was a chore, and they’re lazy.

 

“Can we wash up after we eat? We’re going to get dirty when we eat, anyway,” Lucy reasoned out.

 

“No, wash up. Now,” Mark bad-copped, while getting pulled to the kitchen by his fiance. 

 

Youngjae chuckled, “Baby, come on, it’s a happy day.” He turned towards the kids, “We’ll give you a pass for today only, do you understand?” The kids cheered, staying put as they played with Levi.

 

“That’s new, coming from you,” Mark slyly commented.

 

“I’m happy, the kids are happy. Are you?” He leaned into the older, forehead to forehead.

 

“Very. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

**And that was how the bad cop became the good cop for once, and the good cop became the bad cop. Only for that short while though, because there is none of that sort anymore when both cops work everything out together.**

 

_ I need you in my life  _

_ You need to feel like beating  _

_ You are touching my heart  _

_ I will not let you go _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH FML I DON'T WANNA POST THIS BUT IF I DON'T YALL HAVE TO WAIT 2 WEEKS LDSKJKJFLF
> 
> ah FUCK i'm sobbing,,,,, it's really the end holy shit.................. i wrote the ending and was down the entire time because it feels like my BABY IS ALL GROWN UP!!!! and now i have to set it free :( i just couldn't let go that i wrote a special bonus scene in the next chapter (100% smut) ;) ,...,.. specially for you guys because some of you definitely came (pun intended... i'm joking) from the r21 tags...........
> 
> ANYWAYYYYYYYY,,,,,.... you all know much i fucking love markjae with my whole heart and imma humble brag a bit but i contribute a LOT TO THIS TAG!!!!!! and I'M GOING TO KEEP DOING IT!!!! because i just love markjae so much :(((((( [if you didn't know, i wrote another long markjae fic called 'let's not repeat the same mistake (again)' sugar daddy!youngjae and sugar baby!mark..... U R SUPER FKING WELCOME!!! i love MARKJAE MARKJAE MARKJAE MARKJAE and god knows how much i'll cry when they finally do the vlive with coco & milo :((((((((((((((((((((((((((
> 
> also , yes...... this chapter is short (1.8k words) but hopefully the next chap (although short as well) makes up for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> okok, special thanks to maeryeok because she live-KKT me as she reads the new chapter EVERYTIME!! and although she keeps pushing me a kiss + me ignoring her, i appreciate u so so so mUCH. SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love u, dora baby.  
> and also to Lev, who never fails to comment on every chapter - honestly, comments and kudos keep me going, don't feel like you're obligated to of course, but they really do motivate writers!! :D
> 
> UHHHH, anyway..... i'm crying again bc my baby,,....,.. is done..... my longest and most subscribed/viewed/kudos fic EVER.... it's a fucking milestone for me tbh..... so thankful, blessed and grateful for everything!!
> 
> LOVE YOU EVERYONE AND BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!
> 
> UNTIL NEXT TIME, i'll definitely be back with another markjae fic........... here's my sns:
> 
> twt: defsweetheart (doing jjp and 2young soc media aus!)  
> cc: defsweetheart  
> ig: defsweetheart  
> ao3: blissjaebeom
> 
> THEY ARE LITERALLY SO EASY TO FIND!! 
> 
> love love love, dee.  
> p.s. i started on a markjae social media au lol you can find it [here.](https://twitter.com/defsweetheart/status/1144338020868534275?s=21)


	22. More, Daddy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! this isn't the only latest chapter!! read the previous one as it's the * LAST OFFICIAL * one..... this is a bonus scene for y'all..,..,,.. it's a very poor and cringey attempt at smut bc i'm a virg*n and super halal about it but LIKE....... i tried okay..... it's only right to end the fic with smut ;) from our best voyeur couple, markjae...!
> 
> special thanks to ao3 user/ twt: crudescere for helping me with this!!!!! go check out their amazin' works [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crudescere)

“Mmmm, Mark…” Youngjae moaned, his stomach pressing into the marble countertop as he leaned on it.

 

“What?” He hugs the younger from the back, kissing him along his neck and shoulders.

 

“The kids…”

 

“They’re reading, you know how they get.” The twins get engrossed in their books for hours, something they got from their Uncle Jaebeom, Youngjae thinks.

 

“Fuck,” Youngjae moans again, feeling the growing erection of the other on his ass. He grinds back, creating more friction between Mark’s dick and cotton shorts, causing the older to moan loudly. “Shh, do you want the kids to hear us?” Youngjae turns around, and as he goes down to his knees, he pulls down his shorts as well.

 

“Fuck, you drive me crazy,” Mark sighs out, as his boyfriend licks along his length, nips at the tip before swallowing it whole. “Fuck… give me some warning next time, can you?” Youngjae hums as he continues his work. He’s always been good at this, and coupled with a little bit of voyeurism, Mark was at his peak in under 5 minutes.

 

“W-wait,” Mark breathes out, and with the little energy he has, pulls Youngjae up and turns him against the counter again. After pulling down the other’s pink fluffy pants that Jackson gifted him a while back, he lines up his now very hard dick as he slowly enters the other. There wasn't any need for prep when all they’ve done in the room the past week was to fuck.

 

It only took them 2 days before they succumbed to their old ways, voyeurism. Youngjae had wanted to bake on his day-off, and had also cooked Mark lunch so the older came home during his break. From one quick make-out session that turned into much more, Mark found himself eating alright, but none of what Youngjae cooked.

 

He carries Youngjae and placed him gently on the counter, which was thankfully (for Mark) low enough that the older was comfortable going down on his knees and getting to work. He pulls down the younger’s shorts and pushes his legs up to the counter, bending him at his knees so his boyfriend was more comfortable.

 

He licks up the length first, sucking each ball as he got to the base of it before opening his legs even further apart and licking at the rim of his hole. At that feeling, Youngjae squirms, wanting to reach out to Mark but he was way too far to grasp.

 

“Shh, relax, baby,” Mark coos, pulling away to caress his inner thighs, calming the younger down. He gently kisses along them, enjoying the sound of Youngjae’s heavy and hitched breathing as he kitten licks around the rim, before spitting at it and circling his index finger to spread it around. Youngjae’s breathing gets heavier, out of want and out of need, breathing out “Mark, please…”

 

Mark chuckles softly, “So impatient, baby.” He circles his finger again before pushing it in gently, Youngjae taking a sharp breath as it enters, bucking up to that one sole finger because he was just that _sensitive_.

 

“More…”  


“What do you say?”

 

“More, daddy?”  Youngjae says with doubt, not knowing what the other wanted.

 

“I was thinking more of _please_ , but daddy will do.” Mark pushes another finger in, this time fast and rough. Youngjae moans in pleasure.

 

“Hurry up, Mark.” The older just hummed, planning to take his own time anyway, “You need to get back to work.” Right, Mark forgot. He sighs, pulling the younger right up and kissing him dead on the mouth. He pulls down his own pants and grabs both their dicks and pumps them against each other. The pre-cum from Youngjae’s was enough lubrication to start off, and as they exchanged saliva and other forms of fluids that are better left unsaid, Mark quickly brings them up to their peak, both coming at the same time. They ride it off, pulling away and chuckling at each other’s bruised lips.

 

“You still need to eat. I cooked hard for you.”

 

“That you did,” Mark smacks the other’s ass as Youngjae walks away.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm open to comments and reply to them so leave them if you want to! <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/defsweetheart) || [tumblr](https://defsweetheart.tumblr.com/) || [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/defsweetheart)


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